One Day at a Time

Or, How I was Lucky Not to be Detained and Never Heard from Again

Whenever possible from here on out, I will not fly. At least not until the government/TSA gets a few brains and changes how they do things. Last weekend, I flew out to Denver to celebrate my paternal grandfather's 90th birthday party. My aunt, who organized the whole shindig, convinced all of the grandkids to come in (we're scattered almost literally from sea to shining sea: Washington, D.C. to Las Angeles). As a very generous gift, she used her frequent flyer miles to purchase a ticket for me. The story of my woes are shared amongst Denver International Airport, United Airlines, and most importantly, the TSA. See, I got so pissed that I actually fipped off a TSA agent. Yes, I really did. He was a prick (more later). I don't think he saw me, else I'd probably still be in a holding cell somewhere where my body would never be discovered.

Problem 1: Checking In
As a responsible traveler, I like to check in ahead of time. Especially when I'm going all carry-on, so really can just go to the gate. Um, nope. Not this time. Apparently, someone else can't buy you a ticket if your names are different unless you have the physical card with which the ticket was purchased (what happens if someone pays cash?).

So, I arrive at the airport and stand in line. A helpful United person tells me that for carry-on, I can just go to one of the self-serve kiosks. I'm skeptical, because I couldn't check in online, but hey, we're actually at the airport now. Maybe the kiosks are different. Nope. Can't do it. Helpful United person says, "of course you can, you just need any card that identifies you." So he takes me over to try. Nope, have to talk to a person. Get back in line.

Find out that someone can't buy your ticket unless you have the card. Only solution is to buy the ticket myself; my aunt says she'll just write me a check (still, very generous). Fortunately, I can buy the ticket (I know others who probably couldn't). Somewhat helpful United person with whom I am now speaking does a lot of typing and writing and writing and typing. In the end, I have a boarding pass, my reciept, and a receipt for my aunt showing the credit to her card.

I got to the airport 2 hours early, so still have plenty of time, which is good, because I should have checked my too heavy non-rolling carry-on that I have to lug to the far end of the concourse. Board the plane, someone's in my seat. No worries...he thought he was in F but he's in A. A is open, so I just take that. My seat light is burned out (evening flight). Again, no worries...I have a little clip-on flashlight so I can still read.

Get to Denver, catch up with family, celebrate birthday (to be described in a later post).

Problem 2:
Don't bother trying to check in online ahead of time. Get to Denver airport 2 hours before flight and plan to check stupid non-rolling bag. Stand in line for 20-30 minutes for a kiosk. Enter my credit card with which I purchased my ticket. Um, nope. I need to get further assistance. Even though this ticket should be on my card.

Stand in line for further assistance for 30-45 minutes. Really. Here's where I blame United the most; they only had 3 people working there. For a busy departure time. And in the "needs more help" line, everyone has some type of problem. The line keeps getting longer. I feel sorry for one woman flying with her two large dogs. But she has 3 people working with her alone, leaving just 2 people to serve the rest of the line.

FINALLY get to the person, who is just as confused as I am. She gets me straightened in the system, but all I get from her is an authorization card; I have to actually get my boarding pass at the gate.

Aty tuned for the rest of the drama. The good part is still to come.