May 7, 2007

My passion for singing, dancing and music, which I have kept it within me mostly. I never really put it out

From the very young age, I wanted to sing. I remember copying the songs, and singing them. At times, I used to record them in the audio cassettes which my dad had or those which were old. I remember when I was 7-9 years old, I recorded and listened to songs that I sang. At times, I sounded bad but at times not so bad. When I sounded bad, I told myself, I need to practice more.

If anyone reads this entry who knows me well, will be suprised to know that I was shy/yes I am shy, but its a fact. I never was a shy kid but when it came to singing, dancing, I always was. When I was 5 years old, my dad told me to learn dancing with my sisters and I never did because I was so shy. Shy thinking, I might look stupid, I might not be able to follow, I might do something wrong. But what I didn't know was, you have to try before you can make any assumption. All my sisters did, when I saw them dancing on the stage, I realized that I was stupid to not try. And till today, when I see people dancing on tv and shows, I feel like dancing too but the fact that I am shy, never helped me .

But finally when I was in tenth grade, I participated in my school's 50th anniversary in a group dance. I did good, and I found out it was not hard. All you need is to remember steps, focus and work hard. Then its easy.

Anyway talking about singing and music, everytime I listen to a new song, or music, it stays on my head really quickly. The lyrics might not stay but the music does. And from young age, I never cared about the language of the song. As long as the music was good, that was enough for me. At times, when I was singing or humming, one of my aunt used to tell how good I was at it and she loved hearind me sing. She always encouraged me that I can sing and hum real good. And I did hear that from frens too. I used to sing or hum any type of song. I know some people might think, its crazy but even when I was 6-7 years, I liked Gazals. From love, pop,gazals, I sang everything but never really performed in front of anyone.

Once I decided to perform when I was in 10th grade. I gave my name, I went to the house captains. Unfortunately, the captains were one of those girls who always thought they were the great. I hate those kinda people.But getting back to the point, there were 2 girls before me and after they left, those captains made fun of them. That was enough for me, I didn't want them to make fun of me like that. Instead of trying, I just gave up but that was stupid of me for real.Usually I do not give up easily but sometimes I do. Stupid

After my SLC, I took guitar classes, one of my favorite instruments. I thought I would perform this time for sure. Once again, I left it as a dream. I tried to push myself many times, but I never really did. And till this day, I am just telling myself, I love to but I have never. I need to overcome my shyness but I see myself still standing on the same line.

But the fact is, in the year of 2000, I got an opportunity to play with the first lady's band in NP. I could have gone to Qatar to play, but I couldn't because of one of my friend. Thought too much about friend, for whom friendship does not mean anything. I got another chance, I think I was sick that time. But again early 2001, I got another the chance, to play in a program hosted by NGO. I had practiced with Uma didi, prepared and all ready. But just about 1 month before the program, Royal Massacre happened, which stopped everything. And in few months, I came here so I couldn't get hold of Uma didi anymore. So, my dream and passion just got left off in that same line a dream and passion.

Although most of my passion and dream though I work hard, never comes true. It makes you sad but again makes you worker.

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