Is it me or is it because ....? However, I want to work on Monday, I really want to get a lot done.
So, that's what I was thinking till Thursday. Things changed Thursday evening, something very pleasant happened, and I was happy, on top of that couldn't complaing after Lakers won the game. So, I was looking forward to Friday but not really about the weekend because I was going to be alone. I was thinking I might go crazy during this long weekend.
And I had a good time during Friday lunch. Guess why?? I am not writing. Anyways after work Friday, I started sitting in front of the computer as usual, didn't even head to gym. Waited, wait was never ending but, while having my dinner, decided to drink some wine. Then around 11pm, I went to bed. On Saturday, I did some shopping, bought a purse from JCPenny. Around 5.30pm, one of my friends came to pick me up to go to another fren's place for the party.
Oh it was so much fun, I can't wait for another one like that. Got home after midnight, did some texting, then fell asleep. Started Sunday morning with text, talked to my good old friend Atul over msn then did some laundry, ironed clothes, listened to New 96.3 NOW. Listened to Newari Program on Dallas Radio station hosted by my brother and one of the dai's. Later in the evening talked to my friend Sunny and my sister Nhasala. After wards, around 11:39pm, got a text, replied, then fell asleep after midnight.
Monday morning, got up so early, stayed in front of the computer, slept, again got up stayed in front of the computer. The day again started with a text, went to Macy's got a new rice cooker, glass sets and came home. In the afternoon also, there were few texts back and forth going on. It was fun. Then talked to a friend on the phone, its been so long we had talked, so that's all. And after that I am writing this entry.
Overall, I didn't go crazy, and I am happy about that. Woohoo, I was so worried about being alone for so many days but definitely having 96.3 helped me a lot too.
I didn't know what I was going to write about. I started typing and I ended up with this entry. I Miss everything about you. I think about all those moments,time spent together and brings smile on my face. Sometimes I miss it even more but then I look at you and smile again, at times it helps. Then again I think and smile and smile, hoping to get to see you soon. The more I see you, spend time with you, I want to see you more and spend more time.
Time flies by when we are together, wish I could hold the time by selecting a check box. But its an impossible task to do, except I can stop the clock/watch, but time will keep moving. Having you by my side makes me feel great, being by your side feels great. Do you feel the same? :)
I was fine until a friend of mine asked me a question and 'bam', my head got completely messed up after that. All day at work, I was thinking about it, when I got home, I felt worse. But as soon as I reached home, one of my friends called me. Since we both are walking on Saturday in our Graduation, we both started talking about it and yes we are excited.
She was asking me how I was doing and all. That's when I told her how I was feeling. After talking to her, felt better. I went to gym, walked 3 miles as other two days, wanted to walk, until I fell but I couldn't do that either. Stayed in the gym for few minutes thinking about it, but it wouldn't go away. What to do? I hate when I feel this way, it keeps happening to me, but why me always? This is the question I always ask, but again lucky one happens to be 'me' always.
Sometimes I feel like...........
Other than, I feel down. At work also, didn't get much accomplished these two days, feels bad about it. I am working on the Head First book assignment, but do I have the motivation. Umm..may be a little but my mind and heart are asking for something that I am not sure what. Or may be I know what it is. I wish, I wish and I wish and stay with that hope.
Btw today, I picked up my gown, cap and tassel. I wore it on after I got home, felt good, I am done with grad school. Wow, now what is next, hehe.Wish mom dad were here but, bajema's being gone is more important. Oh well, anyway what am I writing.
Seriously I think I need to get away from here for few days. Checking tickets online too but where is the question. I wrote to a friend about CO, but haven't heard yet. Because I do not want to end up alone here, of course 'you' won't care.
Between I am posting a picture of Kobe from yesterday game with Phoenix, Score was W 128 - 107. I am looking forward to tomorrow's game, hope Lakers will play good like last night and will beat Phoenix Suns, Wohoo...
Unfortunately, it was too early to get up. It was Ren, she sounded different. Before I said anything she said, "Anjan Mommy manta;". I was speechless, I just said huh!! All I could tell her was, don't cry Ren, I wish you were there, but what can we do. This is the worst part when you reside out of the country. You can only wish some things, specially times like this.Dad had called her from the hospital to let her know that Bajema has passed away.
She kept crying over the phone, saying I was going to call her today. I couldn't see her in the last moment. After talking for few minutes, Ren hung up. I told her what she should do and shouldn't. I then was wide awake, thinking about bajema, it hit me after sometime and tears started falling. Remembered the things she had said and all other stuff. This is life, the way it started, after everything it has to stop too. All we can do is, drop tears when our loved ones are gone away from us.
This is the similar to when chheyn bajema passed away in 2005, couldn't do much, thought about her, and dropped tears, thinking couldn't be there to see her in her at the last moment...
A song, that's pretty old, would say almost about 2 decades old. I had to take a break and sing too, haha...sooo like me. Suddenly out of nowhere it came to my mind. "Dil Deta Hai Ro Ro Duhai" from Phir Teri Kahani Yaad Aayee.
Its actually a little sad and kinda tragedy song, I would say. I feel hurt and sad, may be that's why it came to my mind.After listening and singing this song, feels little better. Below is the youtube link for it, in case anyone is interested.
Great game Lakers played last night at Utah with Jazz. One more game and then Lakers will be in the Western Conference Finals. I can't wait to see that. I get worried when Lakers play with Jazz in Utah court, but yesterday was a different story. They were just great.
Keep it up Lakers...Lakers 111, Jazz 110: Game 3 Running Diary
Feels worse than ever and nothing seems to help either. One of the worst feelings anyone wants to have...
I have been fascinated by Stock Market/Exchange as a kid.I have wanted to learn how this works.Off and on, I pay attention to those, but still clueless how it works.Want to invest some money and see how it will be...
However, hearing yesterday news about DOW dropping 1000 points in a matter of 15 minutes, was shocking. I felt bad for P&G because their value dropped to 50% in such a short time. Regardless, of everything, I want to learn about it and want to try investing some money on it.
I don't know what's going on, whatever is going on is making my days less productive, I am getting frustrated as a result of that. I however have crossed that limit where I would think about it, but again it keeps coming back.
Getting back to the point, I can't stand this anymore. I should probably workout hard today until this stupid frustration and gets out of my head. Ugh...........Never thought this is how things would go but unfortunately it is going....
I came home, had early dinner, then went to chit chat with JoAnna. We talked for like half hour about stuff, you know 'stuff'. We kinda had similar talk to talk about, so we talked our mind out haha...What am I saying, I don't know? But, it felt good talking about it.I am not frustrated anymore, but there is a hope that...
Only I know how I felt on that day when I got that reply. But, I thought about it over and over.Should I ask again? Should I tell,why I was upset? Will it make a difference? So, then I finally decided not to say anything about it.However, it bothers me off and on. But again, I ask myself, may be I should have mentioned why I was mad.
But again, same question will it make a difference. What if the answer does not come and that would just make me feel worse? Someday may be I will say it, let me finish the finals and may be I will say something, someday, someday......