While talking to a girlfriend of mine, looked at a picture. As I saw the beautiful picture, it brought tears in my eyes. It reminded me of what I had thought and how a simple word can change things. Almost seems like the one thing that I really wanted feels like all shattered.
Sometimes it feels nice and I end up wishing. I'm glad its Thursday night and tomorrow is the last day of the work week. I hope it will go fine, specially my meeting.
I had no plans to go buy shoes. I went to gym on the way back decided to head to Sams to get some grocery. On the way back, I thought lets drop into DSW and thats where I saw this shoes.
For some reason, this pair of shoes made me really happy. I smiled for real after a long time.
What is it? Why is this happening? Who knows? Who? Things have getting extremely hard than it should be. I am not sure why someone enjoys making it this hard. It shouldn't be this hard but the person might be enjoying making this way.
I'm not sure what to do this point. There have been many thoughts, today I even started thinking really seriously about something. I might pursue that the next time I talk to Ren. I am not sure if this is a right or wrong thing to do. My heart says wrong, my mind also says, this might be wrong. But again when I look at the situation, my mind and heart says do it. After all, I am the one who is suffers/suffering.
So, much of so many things I had thought. So many hopes were there, now those seem to be dying soon. How could someone do this to you? Someone you really....But this is life, what can you do when someone enjoys this. Words have remained just words, sometimes really hurtful and painful to digest, and the words do not mean anything anymore.Memories don't mean anything anymore, nor the good times and bad times spent together.
May be, time to start deleting memories from the memory, from the memory stick, jump drive everywhere. The thoughts make you emotional, but thats all there is to say, do, feel. Sometimes thats just the way to relief your pain, because when the one who should understand doesn't understand the pain you are going through.
Then again, thoughts come, yeah physical memories will be easy to delete by just hitting a single button, lighting a match, tearing down. But, the hardest part would be to delete it from the most important parts, Heart and Mind.
I don't know what's going on, what's going to happen, where it will end. It doesn't have to be this hard but the fact is, it is extremely hard this point, it has been. I wish things were different, I can't make up mind. Whatever I want to decide, I am ......
There are so much things I want to write but these things are so personal that I can't even post it here. I could however write and not post but again, I don't feel like it. I keep hoping for good. Oh this unfair life, sometimes I do get depressing thoughts....
To be continued may be......
I am not sure why I didn't write or login, but it seemed like there was nothing to write. Nothing has improved, nothing has changed, unfortunately. I wish and hope things will move forward in a right direction soon.