After having breakfast, I started cooking food for the next few days. I got fresh and headed out for the make-up again. It was nice and sunny outside. We started make-up about 2pm or little after, which went for a while. We talked and did the make-up, it was fun. This time, I enjoyed more as I could lean on the chair haha...
After the make-up, my friends made dinner, we had dinner together. Since its too cold and my heat isn't working great, in super cold days ZERO, I headed home after dinner. It was so cold, the drive was way longer than it normally is. The 35-40 minutes drive felt really long. And this way the weekend is over.
I had few things planned today. With what happened yesterday things changed. As I was turning left on my drive way, my Passat slipped on that thick layer of ice. The slip was more like, gave gas and brake hard.
I started driving, I heard this loud noise, which told me, there is something wrong. On the way to work, I rolled down my window and listened to the noise. As soon as I reached and parked in LL, I opened the hood, and looked around the entire car. Around 11am, I talked to a co-worker and he offered to take a look at the car and recommended I take to the shop to get it checked.
This morning, I woke up, made breakfast while talking to parents and ate breakfast. Then I got fresh and headed to the shop. Found out the Flex section was broken, which is part of the Exhaust pipe. It the exhaust would have cost even more. There went my money to buy new phone. It seems to keep happening. I am staying positive with a hope, things will stay good. Fingers crossed.
Around 9am, I headed out from work to get there to take care of stuff. It took good 2 hours there. I felt good that this is taken care. So, one more thing is done. I don't know I was super tired that I couldn't stay awake past 6:30pm. I lied down in sofa and decided at 7pm to go to bed.
And surprise surprise, the annoying neighbors disturbed me again at around 2 am. Omg, why are people like that. I get disturbed at least 2-3 times a week. Sometimes more.
The day started out pretty early, with the 7:30am meeting. It went pretty welll. Then it was busy day with Upgrading Yukon to troubleshoot issues to asking questions to everything. And the day was over, came home, worked out, talked to mom dad, then it was time to submit the application. Its all done, now few more things to take care. Good luck to me.
I have been working out at the other gym instead and its been good. At the same time, it felt great to lift weights, arms felt good. And legs felt good as well from spinning in Theresa's class.
Today I had planned to wear my new Hot Red Jacket with my black Suede boots with embroidery and it rocked. I got so many compliments as well. As my friend said, 'Its definitely good as you got so many compliments'. After work was the leg workout, super nice.
After having breakfast, took shower and it ws time to head out to take care of things. First stop was to find ToysRUs, I couldn't locate where it is at. I made stop at Target for my Glade candles. My next stop was Southdale. I didn't find any clothes and it wasn't a great day to shop there today as I didn't have coupons and I couldn't find clothes.
I made a stop at Wilson Leather for my Red Leather Jacket. Oh and today I bought one. Then bought a stop at VS for VSX which worked out well as well.
Rivet Faux-Leather Scuba Jacket
I headed to Southdale, changed my mind and ended up in Knollwood after seeing the traffic on 169. The time spent was well worth it after finding these two tops. One if definitely nice another was alright I think.
IZ Byer California
After that came home, tried the tops out, did laundry and waiting for friends.
After a light breakfast, workout, got fresh then to the DMV to take care of License stuff. Then to the Dealer, checked out a new car, got the car washed, tire pressure checked etc etc...
Came home, had lunch and it was time to head out again. Around 12:30pm, I reached Southdale, checked out a pair of shoes instead of clothes. Oh my god, did I get a very deal on shoes, I surprised myself when the register showed the price.
By Anne Klein
Then it was time to head out for the make over. The make over took about 2 hours, it was nice. We had tea, chit chat and it was almost 6pm, so it was time for me to head out to Figlios for dinner. It was hard to find parking, after about 10 minutes, I found one. It was so nice to see Mel and Tim. The dinner tasted good, desert was awesome. And this is how I spent my nice day. One happy day.
It was nice to be home, it was nice and quiet. And soon it was time for the fish, yamm...
Around 10am, we went to Starbucks Coffee. Then the walk in the Stony shop area in the sunny a bit chilly morning. After that came home and sat home. Then we went to the Outlet Mall and checked out some stores. The Red Jacket in Guess was so beautiful, I had to leave it. The Jacket in Wilson Leather were beautiful as well, again I had to pass that also.
Stayed home, talked, did nail art with Tisha, it was nice overall. It was then time to go to aunty's house for Eve Party. We all danced, ate food, enjoyed the time.
Today is the last day here. Started out in the bihaar, this is what I really wanted to do today. The weather was awesome, I couldn't ask for more. After the bihaar was lunch with Sonal and Priti, it was good as well. Around 3pm, we headed to the lake and after wards was the Mall. We spent a lot of time there shopping, bought only handful of stuff yet it was a super nice, shopping day together which I will miss after coming back. I picked up the Thai Food for dinner, and headed out to meet Tisha and bhauju. I said bye to them and came home. The food was good along with some wine, awesome day, awesome everything.
Sunny came to pick me up, we went home and later in the evening to the Outlet Mall. I was so tired by then, didn't have energy to to try out clothes. After that was dinner time and it was good. Once again late night was Nail Polish time for 3 of us, which was fun.
Today we were home and after noon was at aunty's place and was time to head out for Austin. 6th street was empty as its semester break.
Today was the San Antonio day. The Alamo, River walk, the lunch, boat ride, picture time, everything was nice. The weather was nice which made the day even better.
Reached my destination around 11 pm or little after. I was tired by that time. So, they came to pick me and then we were home. Ate tasty nya, with rest of the tasty food. Then it was midnight and it was a birthday for someone there. The cake was Tres Leche cake, it was a bit dry yet tasty.
We hit bunch of places to shop. We found 1 dress each and I didn't end up buying, I wish I had taken it, it was just beautiful except that not so great finishing. And was time to meet bhauju then to meet friend.
Tuesday the Christmas Eve
Its Christmas eve, we again went to shop. Today I finally made it to the Forth wort Water Park. This time we made it Dillard's, oh my god, it was so big, I started feeling dizzy and stopped shopping. Then it was time to eat some Snack, we chose sandwich it was so tasty. After the mall, we went home, made some food and headed to the Eve party at dai's. Food, gift exchange, music, singing was fun.
Wednesday Christmas Day
What did I do today hmmm...oh yeah we stayed home and then went to the Park for a bit and then again home, doing the nail art, it was fun. Went to Nhas cha's friend's place, ended up watching the movie Boss haha....And late night, I ended up watching Mujhse Shadi Karoge, two movies oh my god.
Woke up tired, did some stretches for the back and then shower and laundry. While doing laundry, started making lunch. The laundry got done and same time Mel reached here. It was nice to chit chat after a long time. Lunch, and the nice Strawberry Cheesecake with a lot of Raspberry desert made it wonderful for the birthday day.
Around 2pm, headed out for shopping to Southdale Macy's and Hereberger's. She found few sweaters, I didn't find anything other than the Red Peep Toe. I didn't buy that as I really should not be buying shoe right now, at least that kinda. I passed that shoe even though that shoe came coming in my mind. After the shopping came home, had cup of tea, fixed my DVD youtube issue and listening to Jagjit SIngh. One of the songs then made me feel emotional that few drops of tears fell off.
I wanted to celebrate and do something nice. The day started at the Chardonnay Golf Club, then multiple Vineyards and the day ended with Peruvian dinner. Overall, the day was nice. There were few weird moments yet it was a nice day.
Nail Polish for this day
Friday ended really late after affect was getting up late on Saturday morning. The plan to head out early didn't happen and it was almost noon when we headed out. By the time, we reached Monterey, it was almost 3pm. It was nice to meet up almost family. Lovers Point, Carmen de beach was nice. I wish we had more time and it wasn't too dark. But, all worked out fine. By the time, we all left Pushpa dai's, it was 9:30pm. Followed by a super foggy, zero visibility road forever, that was scary.
After having breakfast, went to do grocery before that I stopped into the Bihar. It was on a busy street, with doors open and that lady inside came and asked me too many questions, that didn't help me a bit. I ended up spending less than 5 minutes and walked to the store.
After walking about 10-15 minutes found the Jackson street and the store. So, spent all day helping Namu to do the cooking. Around 5pm, we went to stop at IKEA to pick up Wine glass, where we got stuck in the traffic while getting out. That wasn't so fun. Finally around 6pm, we got home. Around 6:30pm, people started to show up. The dinner get together ended around 2am. A very long day and long evening ended with some wine and Baileys.
After breakfast and stopping here and there, first stop was Lombard Street. After that the Alamo Square, then Twin Peaks and then Coit Tower. Everything was great. The day ended really late with some wine at night I think.
I woke up at 3:15am, got ready and waited for the pickup service. It took an hour to get to the airport and then it was flight time. I didn't sleep much in the flight which made it so hard. By the time, we landed, I had a massive headache. It didn't go away at all. When I saw the SF traffic, it made it worse. I just wanted to stay home and relax, perhaps close by eyes and take a nap.
Overall, the day was nice finally to meet Namu cha after over a decade.
Life just, I don't know how to explain anymore. The pain you have put me through, I can't explain. Everyone said and says, time will heal, you did the right thing, you are strong. Yet, the pain that I am going through, is far far painful and unexplainable.
I have never thought something like this in life ever, not in million years. It happened and here I am writing about it. I used to write about all those togetherness, and now all those changed filled with sadness. I hope I will be myself again, and will smile, laugh, enjoy things.
It was sorta exciting to come pick you guys up at the Terminal 2. The fact that weather was super nice, made the weekend even better with you two. Even though we didn't do a whole lot, still it was fun that we made it to few wonderful places. Posing for pictures, laughing, joking, eating together was fun.
Friday and Saturday went pretty quickly. The breakfast and the walk afterwards was nice. Soon it was Sunday afternoon and it was time for us to have a music time. We all wished that we did this Friday and Saturday as well. It was super fun to sing, joke, make faces, pose, talk, hang out. I guess thats why we are family. Deep down inside, I had some other things going on in my mind and heart, yet I had fun that you guys were here with me. We have to do this again soon.
I don't lie, cheat, mislead, hurt others. Yet, when the back luck hits, there is nothing you can do but to stay positive and say, things will be normal soon. Stay positive, hope this new day will bring something good again.
The moment that we were hit, I was more worried you than me. I thought I lost you. I'm just glad right now that, I got my Passat back after almost 3 weeks. I didn't think much about me but my Passat. This might sound sorta crazy but without my Passat, I don't get anywhere. Living in the city, where there is limited public transportation, your car is your best friend. I love my Passat, sometimes I don't as much when it asks me big bucks for maintenance.
Today I went for an oil appointment and I had to also change the battery on it. I knew battery replacement was coming anytime, but I didn't know this time. Yesterday I had noticed, I heard a noise when I started the car. It wasn't the same like it used to be. Anyways, after all the hassle, I didn't want anymore, so even though it was a bit expensive, I decided to have it replaced. Now, the start noise is gone, I am happy and I am glad so is Passat.
After a stressful week and all the aches and pain, I want to relax, do something fun. Although fun has no meaning to me these days. I can't explain fun anymore, its just....
This morning, I woke up with a plan and somehow I forgot or decided I won't be needing my glasses where ever I was going. After getting wet in rain, waiting for almost an hour, I found out I have to go back again. I was upset with myself, how could I do this. This is what I get for not having car during the weekend I guess. Since the next bus wasn't coming in an hour, I decided to stop walk across in that rain and go to the mall.
I went and met E. We talked and had lunch together as well. It was nice. The sandwich tasted so good, I don't know whether it was because we were super hungry or because we ate together. As we all know, food always taste food when you eat with someone, your loved ones, friends, family. We walked around the Mall for a little bit and I tried a purple nail polish in Sephora. We both took the 3.30pm bus and I got down at my place. She headed to downtown for work.
I came home and after about an hour, I headed outside for a walk. It was chilly outside yet I had a good walk. Now, I am sitting in front of the tv and writing this entry in my blog. There is nothing interesting has happened in life to write these days. I think about..., I wish things were different.
Getting back to my singing. I recorded few songs today, I posted it here, I was hoping to able to listen directly but it didn't let you listen unless you Save the file. That's not what I wanted to do, so remoed the files.
Talked to this and that insurance, different auto shops, finally setup appointments.Good things never happen to good people is exactly what I am thinking again. On the way back from work, I got the check engine light on, which is salt to injury. I'm feeling everything but happy.
I wanted some good quality sleep, it didn't work so I decided to get up and started making some food. Tilapia curry and mushroom turned out good. While cooking food talked to mom dad as well, it was nice.
Around 1pm, my friend Mel came over for lunch. She enjoyed the lunch and I did as well. Then we headed out to shop in Southdale mall. We found bunch of stuff and it was fun. I bought a Marc New York, Jones New York and One world top. I found a cute sweater from T Tahari, even though it was on sale was still expensive so I dropped that. Then I found my perfume which is perfect for travel purpose. We found pair of pants are AE as well.
We started cycling around 11:35am and headed out to the country. The Limestone trail was harder than the regular paved road. We took few water breaks as well. Finally we made the 10 mile 1-way ride. This Luce Line trail is 63 miles long and I started making joke saying, lets do entire way. After the 10mile, it was time to head back. We passed Long Lake, Orono etc. We saw handful of horse riders on the way along with other bikers, runners walkers with dogs.
We started heading back and in a couple of miles, we found a bench, sat there, ate our snack, mangoes, orange juice and the bar. We took about 10-12 minutes, and then we started to head back again. It was a great exercise overall. Found out we burned about 850 calorie. After the ride, came home and was so tired that started to feel sleepy. We two rocked the bike ride no doubt. Now, its time to plan for next weekend ride.
Luce Line State Trail
I had a lunch meet up with a friend of mine for lunch. I had Drunken noodle with Tofu, which has always tasted so good when I ate with .....Today Drunken noodle was nothing like before. I told to make it spicy and came out kinda sweet and even with Hot sauce, it was sweet.
Their unique Fortune cookie tasted really good and the cookie's note hit my heart that said. 'There are so many people in this world but only one can touch your heart'. So true, yet hurt by that one as well.
The thought of being alone hurts. Every time the thought comes to my mind, few drops of tears falls off as well. Unfortunately, this is the truth. I have to live with this truth alone and stay strong, however I can.
I ended up reading the lyrics of Boyzone's song called 'Words'. I had never paid much attention to the lyrics of this song, until I was told to listen and was asked 'Did you listen to the song?' The lyrics made me feel good at that time, thought it was nice of you to tell what you wanted to, through the song. Now, it has no meaning, yet I ended up reading the Lyrics. Now all I can do is to remember everything from past, tell myself, its past, don't look back and move on. Its extremely hard for me yet I know yet I have to.
Mad at life, mad at everything that happened. There is no point in being mad, yet I am. I can't help it. I am so mad that few drops of tears fell off my eyes while driving. In the evening after work, I started cooking food. I talked to mom and dad for a long time as well. That made feel good, I am proud to have parents like me and family like mine.
No matter how much you say to yourself, you won't ask this question, it won't help. I feel so down right now. I can't wait to get out of here. It's bugging me a lot, I can't explain the feeling. Seriously, how would only one person feel this way and other is enjoying most probably. So sad and ridiculous. After all the good things I did, it feels like
life gave me a 4 years big slap on my face for being nice, caring and doing the right thing. The slap is extremely painful, will unfortunately stay with me rest of my life.
Everyday is different, sometimes it is bad, at times okay and others worse.All the harsh words hurts.Yet, the most hurtful are the good words, I thought every single word meant from the bottom of the heart. Those hurt a lot. I'm sure whatever happened, happened for a reason, else it wouldn't. Yet, the pain is unexplainable sometimes like
the moment I felt in farmers market that day. I tried to explain like how Will Smith
explained to Eva Mendez after the breakup in Hitch. How much it hurts on the
left side of his chest, where the thing called 'Heart' sits.
So, the day finally came today. I was happy to be a part of her baby shower. I didn't know any of the people there. I made the best out of it. Some people asked me do you have kids, is that your husband, are you with someone etc etc....Some of those question made me sad yet there is nothing I could do.
The food was good, I met bunch of people, chit chat. Her husband seems like a really nice man who loves her so much. I enjoyed meeting everyone and enjoyed spending sometime there instead of being home alone.
Today again, it hit me, is it real? I was in the spin class and the thoughts started to come. The fact that you're no longer in my life hurts, yet this is the fact. Right now sitting in front of the computer, talking to babu, kanchi, Karishma, Manij and it hit me again, is this real? When people don't want the same thing, and one doesn't communicate honestly, another gets hurt. Perfect example...
The good experience however I didn't do shot more than 1 and felt sorta sad about it.
Oh my my, the year is almost coming to an end and nothing has happened in my life. I still have hope and hoping some good things will happen to me. Getting back to the point, I seem to have nothing to write about these days.
The weekend was great, Friday evening cycling, the Saturday night dinner at McCormick & Schmick's made the evening. The Sunday morning Farmer's market, then the prep work for all cooking. Then the movie 'The Impossible' and then the dinner. It was so relaxing and nice way to end Sunday.
Nothing like ever....Slow day at work, good spinning workout afterwards the chit chat and walk through of their house. Have been hearing good news about friends, cousins, happy for them.
My life today.....
Sinful Sugar Sugar
Sally Hansen Lively-Lilac
The music was beautiful, and the band did a great job. I enjoyed the time there. A short one block walk gave me some air that I needed.
Why is it so hard to talk to people. People make comments and then, when you try to explain things, seems like, the comment they just made, Isn't really a complain or perhaps I don't understand. I've been experiencing. With a person, who is a friend of mine.
I try to explain may be this, may be that, I've started to realize that Its pointless trying to explain or help. I guess some people are not be helped. You just listen to what they say and stay quiet, and do not try to give your opinion.
Its hard to do for me, as I try to give my opinion or at least try to explain,
This is why this is....
Left early at 4pm, headed to gym, did the Body Works and Abs. I didn't quite like the class. Right after the class I did 40 minutes of spin. After the workout headed home, got ready and headed out to get to a friend's place.
Grilling on a Friday afternoon, with close friends, what can be better than that. Here is the nail polish I got from friend. It looked different in less light, when I looked at home in a lot of light, it looked much different and beautiful.
As usual, after work, headed to gym. It was raining, snowing and was cold. And when I reached the door, I realized, I forgot my water bottle. Since I had the bottle with Protein powder, it worked out.
As I checked in, something caught my attention, the notice said 'today's Total Conditioning class is now Zumba'. I thought perhaps after my usual workout, I can do that. So, it was time for the Body Works and Abs. The workout was good. I went to find out who was doing the class, but apparently she walked right in front of me.
Anyways long story short, there were 4 people in the class. The music and routine was new so, couldn't follow some steps but wasn't bad. Overall, it was good. I got strength and then cardio today also.
I got few stuff taken care today. After getting the Registration Tab, it was almost 5.45pm. Instead of rushing to the gym, I decided to go to Target buy some household needs. After that came home, made some food. Then it was 7:15pm, and started getting ready to the class.
After reaching the gym, I headed to the weights area. I did 15-20 minutes of arm and shoulder workout. Then it was Zumba time, after a long I did Tiffany' class. It felt like me again, it was nice. Most of the music I was familiar with and some were new. It was fun and after Zumba came home.
Usually would say a first spring pair, this year, its different. I was looking for a new pair of workout shoes in DSW. Today, I found one and it looks great. I will find out how it feels soon.
J-41 Crossover Sport Slip-On
With the weather outside, I wanted to have the Momo and yes beer with it. After work, I went to get some fish, came home, prepared and then the Momo was ready and with Heineken, it tasty so good. I couldn't be happier. After having half of it, I said to myself, why didn't I make rest of the 12 as well.
Its still snowing outside, I can't wait to eat rest of the momo tomorrow for lunch, yammmm...Me and the tasty Momo with a chilled Heineken....
I had to wait few minutes to find parking. As I walked in, I asked 'Biking'. All the spots were gone, then the same moment I hear someone ask, what are you going to do? My reply, I will figure out something to do. One of the trainer asked me, if I wanted a free workout. I said, umm....you promised me to not bug me to buy Training contract right. And it all went okay.
In about 5-10 minutes, I changed and was all ready to workout on my upper body. The trainer was nice, I enjoyed working on my upper body. So, half hour workout was good. I started to workout here, almost 2 years ago. I didn't do the first 2 free sessions of training. I have had may be 1 time a training session for free. And 3 times, 3 times I had had trainer bug me to buy training, lets make it 4 as that last person did somewhat same.
Which is why I don't like talking to trainers, I mean saying NO once is just not enough. So, anyways overall, I enjoyed the training workout, which I did for half hour. It was great, I tried few things I have not tried for a while.
So, Friday night dinner momo was pretty good. The movie Barfi turned out to be really fun movie. So, after dinner and movie, went to bed. Saturday morning woke up at 7am to get to the MinneBar. Some sessions were okay vs some were boring. After the all day of sessions, after having a nice cup of tea, we all headed to MOA.
Made stops in couple of places,heroine got a nice pair of Yellow pants in Gap. Then we headed to NY & Company, this is where I bought couple of things, 2 tops 'Chiffon Drape-Front Sleeveless Top' and a tank 'Chiffon Dot-Print Camisole'. I decided to get some colors normally I don't wear.
After the shopping, we headed to the Tibetan Restaurant, had different dishes, favorite was soup I can't remember the name, the Shrimp with the excited roll was tasty as well.
Sunday started out late, after having breakfast and reading paper, did some house cleaning. After that took shower, had some fruits, Chobani with oat meal. Then headed to Southdale mall Herberger's to return the expensive pillows I got last weekend. I wish they worked as I thought it would. I saw a really nice sleeveless top, I wish they had my size, oh I simply fell in love with it.
Unfortunately they didn't have my size. Anyways I found another 4 tops in Herberger's and someone found a shirt. Oh I enjoyed as I found some clothes. After that came home, and had the left over momo from Friday night. And the weekend is over.
Calvin Klein I want
Then I realized that its a Wednesday, wow already. There I didn't even remember what day it was until someone said something about the class. Oh well, mind is thinking, thinking about the same thing over and over. I wish I could help myself. Why its happening, whats the reason? It keeps making me think, sometimes I find myself emotional.
After Body Works and Abs, came home, made some food. And I decided to watch the movie my paasa told me. The music was a little bit scary to me. I watched it for may be 10 minutes, I didn't find it interesting. Even though it wasn't a scary movie, the music made me feel a little uncomfortable, sorta I found it weird. Now watching TV, whatever is on, I will watch for a bit. I wish something nice, magical would happen in life.
I have been writing in this blog for almost 8 years. I have never felt like how I have been feeling. Today work wasn't exciting, the workout was great. The Boot Camp was a great workout. I wasn't super excited about stations but it was great. I had forgotten how it is like.
I am tired, I wish I get some good sleep as usual. Hope seems like lost yet trying...
Its been a while wanting to go to The Oceanaire Seafood Room in Downtown MSP. http://www.theoceanaire.com/Home.aspx. We were excited about the HH yesterday. Got out of work early and headed to meet up. The restaurant was busy, started out with Mojitos, Fish and Chips, Steamed Mussel and Red Chili Calamari.
Calamari was okay. The Fish was almost like dipped into the oil. I enjoyed eating fries as its been a while I had some. The Mussels were not great. So, after couple of Mojitos and food, moved to the table. Then another Lobster and Crab Bites and the Oysters Rockefeller. To be honest, the only thing I actually liked was some Calamari and chips. And then more Mojitos. The dinner menu wasn't anything interesting. So, we headed out to walk around in downtown.
After making a stop in Macy's our next stop was Roja Mexicano. http://www.rosamexicano.comSome more Mojitos and the food definitely was a disaster. It wasn't worth paying few bucks for what we hate. So, these two places are out of my list for future. However, it was a good evening, regardless how the food was.
Today's the day I didn't want it to come. Its just about time and it did. I didn't know how I would feel today, I guess now I feel little sad, alone. The thought of it is making me get emotional in a way. Thinking about his long flights and the struggle he did, and now what happened breaks my heart.
I sorta got emotional during the day a bit as well, felt sorta lonely as well.
I called him to wish few minutes ago. I asked him about his plans and hearing the appreciation certificate program and picnic, which he normally organizes. Less than one week left for him to leave.
First was interesting, second half part made me bored. Third was I think the best overall. Its nicely written. The best part about the 3rd is that, all the issues, pains are opened up which helped the other person who has to deal with this person everyday.
Not quite sure how and why. For a moment I thought may be, the weekend was relaxing and you were telling me about your stuff. And that open communication stuff I told you...
Anyways Monday wasn't very great work wise, as I didn't have much motivation. The part of it was that I wasn't managing project instead going over issues and trying to figure out the testing cycle stuff.
After work, I went for Step class, I wasn't very fond of it, as it wasn't excessive as I thought it would be. I then headed for cycling, after that I felt great.
I went home made some dinner, sat in front of the computer, TV. Around 10pm, went to bed, started reading my fifty. I have 1 epilogue chapter left and then I am done with it. Before going to bed, a thought came to my mind. Labor day weekend 2009 in Duluth, standing on the park point beach, I remember someone say, 'I am going to kiss you now'. the thought of it made me smile, the unforgettable and priceless moment.That evening was just ummmm......beautiful.
The day started out okay, breakfast, some cleaning then read paper. Afterwards the great workout and now I am feeling on my legs as yesterday's spinning was superb as well. This feels good, hopefully tomorrow I will get to workout again. I'm not sure what exactly I want to work on tomorrow, will see.
I though of going for some shopping, it was raining outside so decided so stay inside. Good decision...
Things have been crazy, life has been crazy. After work decided to work out at home, it sorta didn't work out. Instead called Mel to check how she is doing. Then cooked some food for tomorrow.
Mean time, while listening to Sinhala songs, had a breakdown. I couldn't stop myself, and here I am writing about it.
These days every day is super busy, a Friday doesn't feel like a Friday anymore with the amount of workload and stress I have. Today was a busy day and after the whole day of work, meetings, I needed to relax. I decided to go to Spinning class as every Friday, then home and a nice movie was in the list.
After the workout, I came home, got fresh, started doing my laundry. Talked to my parents for few minutes, felt nice since its been couple of days, I had talk to them. AFter that we had Drunken noodles, some tofu vegetable dish for dinner along with some wine was nice. Then after cleaning up, started the movie Arranged.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0848542/ It was a little different than I had expected, I enjoyed the movie.
Dinner before the movie was very nice. Tried out a new Mexican restaurant and all was worth it. I would like to go again there, enjoy some of their music and dance floor.
El Nuevo Rodeo
After the nice dinner and then a detour to the Rosedale Mall was nice. Skyfall afterwards was nice and relaxing. I love the soundtrack of this movie, I cant stop singing. Another very nice Bond movie. Her songs makes me happy singing.
As time passed, things happened. I used to write about it with so much joy. Now I don't know where all that went, how everything changed. All those memories, the plans, talks, now I have come to realize they didn't mean anything. I guess it never meant anything to begin with. Thinking about that my hearts aches, reading all those things that I wrote also makes me want to sometimes go back. Sometimes I end up saying myself, I wish.......
Why have I ended here?I have forgotten to smile, laugh. Am I going ever going to be happy? Why is it always me, one after another? Why? New why keeps adding yet and I end up not getting any answer for any of the whys. Lately I have been little sad. I look right, I look left I find myself alone and sad.
I'm here now after having dinner, shortened my new pair of jeans. Right now watching Seinfeld, in few minutes, will have my sleep time tea, and then to bed. Hope to have some good sleep tonight.
Today chatting with Mel was fun and I enjoy it. I wanna smile again, be happy.
However, hearing what Pattu said, I was happy. I've not talked to this fren mine from a long time. Seems like everyone's life is making progress, mine is going backwards. Nothing is going right in my life. Does this mean this is the end? Or a new beginning is needed? Perhaps the second one, might be more position, as an optimist.
Mind is not in a right place, not sure where its at, may be its in depressed, worried, whatever state it is at.
What I am having,is a focus issue? Why? Too many things going on around. Too much stress, extremely too much stress. Lack of good sleep, need some love and care and perhaps being alone. Life today has been a joke to me, at least that's what it feels like.
After work and workout, I headed to Ridgedale with a mission to find Jeans. First stop, Gap and found 1. Then to Wet Seal, nice jeans but size quite not right. Then JCPenny, first thing I found was a workout capri. It was a little different as it was fitted, I liked it and decided to buy it.
Then found a very nice jeans but couldn't find anywhere except the one on Mannequin. For some reason, this ripped style, size 7,9 and 11 were all same weird. I loved the color oh well. I had decided to get out, and thats when I saw this pair, and tried it out. It was good. Then I saw this section with these nice jeans. I didn't have enough time, and they were long. So I checked out and came home with 2 pair of jeans and a workout fitted capri.
I just realized its been 9 years I moved here. Time went fast, looking back trying to remember what has happened in life, what changed etc etc. Definitely have face a lot of challenges in life, overcame obstacles alone one by one. And at this time, I've even more challenges, stress and everything else. Hopefully 2013 is the year, good things will happen. Although the year started out lot of worries, I am sure I will overcome it alone as always. Fingers crossed......
It was relaxing yet, tiring as I haven't had a good night sleep from few days. Yesterday was the first day in the gym, good workout. However, waking up, I had a backache, not sure what caused it.
After breakfast and shower, I went out for haircut. I was super duper upset after that because the person stood me up for the whole time, he was cutting my hair. On top of that, when I asked for a suggestion to give volume to hair. He picked my long hair and cut from from top. I was like what are you doing, he said this is to give volume. I was seriously really pissed.
After that made a stop to Express, returned my Pencil skirt and got 2 new dressy tops. Another stop was Ultra for the NailTek. Then I came home then had lunch and in the computer since then. Off and on listened to Adele's song in YouTube.
Cuffed Sleeve Printed Easy Tee, mine is Navy Blue, beautiful, would have been much better it I got either this or the Turquoise color.
Now, its time to do some reading.This song and movie made my evening feels like. I love this song, so makes me wanna dance and be romantic. :)
The Wedding Date - Save The Last Dance For Me
With how things have been now, thats the last place I wanted to be. Everything I have done didn't meant anything anymore. Finally it was 5pm and I headed out. On my way to home, I saw this person having an emotional breakdown. She was going over all things that was said before, things those had happened, every memories....
Stayed in bed till very late, didn't get up too fresh though. After breakfast, movie and again some TV. Finally at 6 pm, late lunch and dinner. It was tasty and very filling.
The new year started and now, to get those many days off in a row, have to wait a whole year. My favorite part of the year is the November, December time as we get many days off. Its nice.
I stayed in bed till 9 am this morning. After having boiled egg white, I headed out. I dropped into the gym. After realizing I didn't have a lock to lock the locker, I decided to get out of there. My next stop was Cub Foods, then grocery store, then to the Gas station and then home. I did laundry, cleaning the apartment and got the cooking also done. I got few things taken care, it was a nice sunny day, my apartment reached 74 degree, that was warm and nice.
Its 6:38 pm, after watching news watching Seinfeld, the whole crew is looking for the car in this parking ramp. Everyone is yelling at each other.
Happy New Year to everyone, Hope is sorta lost, yet I hope the new year will bring happiness, some good things will happen, as I need it badly.
After many years of saying, I want to go, I want to go, made it there. It didn't meet my expectation, definitely disappointing place. After a day at the Las Vegas Strip, it got tiring. One after another big hotels, casino, crowd etc etc. A lot of walk as well.
On Wednesday, headed to Hoover Dam, the view was beautiful and amazingly man made Lake. No wonder, if the modern world's one of the wonders. It was pretty windy and cold. I wish it was a little warmer though.
The lunch at the Mexican restaurant was awesome, the bean burger with Avocado, tasty tasty.
After headed to do some hiking, the place Red Rock Canyon. The place, the view, the mountains, they were beautiful. When we started hiking up, I couldn't believe, we were really going up on those rocky mountain. I was a bit scared yet I was enjoying as I have never done that before.
My last hope with Vitamin D, hopefully this will help me.
It all went good as I had planned. The best part about this time was staying awake till 12am on Monday, waiting to have the cake and Champagne. I was so happy, I don't remember the last time I was this happy.
Tres Leches Cake
The day, hmmmmm...it was a super busy day. With me being this tired and stressed out, I don't know what I did what I did. On top of that, I had a frustrating really frustrating moment today.
To be continued.......
I couldn't fall asleep, was awake from almost 6am. After torturing myself to stay asleep, I woke up at 9am and decided to go walk and run. I hadn't eaten anything so drank some Gatorade for some energy :).
I burned 601 Calorie in an hour, I was happy. After that got fresh and then started making my breakfast. Toast, an instant coffee, with scrambled eggs with mushroom, green onion and black beans in it. Later added some Sriracha sauce, oh it was awesome.
I have the dishwasher running. watching TV while looking outside the snow. Its beautiful outside, I want to walk to Trader Joe's but I do not have a snow boot, which might be a good idea. So, I am staying in. Pan with friends to shop had to be canceled due to the snowy weather.
To be continued.....
The morning started off super busy, and later in the afternoon was Lifetouch. After talking about what I do, I felt so good and it felt so relief. I was driving back and I was happy, relief and everything you name it.
I was feeling so burnt out yet, I got all my stuff done and after work came home. Then made a stop to the mall to VS to get some stuff. A long busy day.
I wish I wasn't sick, I wish I had someone next to me whom I can talk to. I wish I could go outside and get some fresh air. I wish I wish I wish and it remains a wish. Thinking and looking back, how life has been, what it has turned into. Sometimes feels like, its going nowhere and then, that hits me. Again, I gather all the energy and start a new day and keep going.
Life is a mystery, where nothing happens the way you plan, nothing goes your way regardless how much you work for it.....
Anyways, the long weekend started, hope to get some rest and get back to my normal routine.
I didn't realize the thesis is 100 pages long. Oh boy hahaha...After over an hour, I am only done 40 pages, and many more to go. This is for tomorrow I guess. The thesis says a lot about greenness, naturalness, openness, etc etc...Many times the 'ness' words. For a moment, I thought I was reading the same page again. I was wrong. Even though the words are same, they were explaining things in different ways.
To be continued....
I wasn't quite ready yet but its winter and its MN. So, first thing in the morning, I had to take care of the Crystal Tuning and Frequency Offset issue on the LCRs. After that all day was spent in the lab. I'm not very excited about this. However, tomorrow is going to be much busier than the regular Tuesday as its the MS Patch week.
I will get stuff taken care but just going to be super busy. And after work workout and then the cooking I have to do for Wednesday. Again Wednesday is going to be a busy day, work and after that Mha Puja preparation, all the manda. Nothing much in mind to write so I am ending my entry right here today.
Woke up earlier than normal, reached work by 8am. As I started my day, I got a text message from my brother. One after another, text message were exchanged. Finally I had to talk on phone. Well the talk was pretty much on the same topic, which I have been having over and over. The topic that has caused a lot of stress, me and my life hasn't been same.
I have been through so much in life, have overcome all those obstacles, and now this. This is a big one, much bigger and ever anticipated anything like this. Getting back to the point, I got so mad at my brother. I was so loud, I knew what I was doing but I couldn't control myself. Why me? Why me always? I just want my life back, want to feel like me and be happy.
No one understands my problem, no one, the one who should understand the most, is just taking this for granted and I am suffering. Sometimes I do not know what to do, where to turn.
The only problem is I have to order this shoe online and without wearing it, I am not sure how I feel about that. Very interesting color : Simply Divine Wine, it looks that way as well.
Faux Suede Bow Bootie
The day was busy, and Boot camp after work was great. Here, I am on my computer, after cooking and having dinner watching Seinfeld on channel 45. Slowly feeling tired, thinking things in mind, getting some work done, wishing things, hoping for a good night sleep.
Here is another one I just found in DSW site, called Diba Chic Boot.
Work was okay, after few hours of troubleshooting, CBC started communicating. I got some work done and now more to go tomorrow. No walk today though, instead had lunch in the lunch room Betty.
It was about 4.50pm, I left work in a hope to get a cycle for the Spinning class. As I go in, I found out spin class is full and it was like 5.10pm. I was not so happy but what could I have done. I did a good 25 minutes strength workout instead. As I was finishing up Leg Press, I saw Melissa. I waved at her but she didn't see and I had to go say hi. It was so nice to see her after almost 3 months.
She admitted for not writing and not staying in touch for so long. I couldn't agree more to it. We stopped working out and started talking. After about 15 minute or so, we decided to head out. Hope to see her tomorrow else sometime this week so that we can catch up on things. I am glad I saw her today, it was nice.
After reaching home, took shower, ate something quick and headed to Express to find that top. Instead I ended up with a nice lonnnnng dress which I can't wait to wear. Here is the sneak peek, the dress looks more beautiful in real than this picture.
As I was sitting down watching TV, I talked to mom dad. After few minutes, we said bye. Few minutes after, I decided to login to FB, when I found out someone removed the tag from the picture, I was disappointed and sad. Now watching 10 pm news in Kare11 and am sorta ready for bed. Good night, will write something interesting soon.
When I started reading this book, I was pretty excited as it was very romantic. After reading couple of chapters, I started getting disappointed what it was turning into. After reading about a week, the book was finished. As I was reading the last chapter, the last part made me emotional.
I started thinking, all Ana did was to love Christian, did everything in love, which gave her pain but nothing. It was heartbreaking what happened in the end. I have two more books of its series to read and hope something nice will happen in those.
The first entry I wrote in here was about backache.
After 2.5 years of weight, your braces came out. I'm happy thinking that you will not be in pain anymore. You don't have to worry about food getting stuck, skin getting scratched in the inner lip, and every other pain. You have a beautiful smile like you wanted. Today is the day celebrate, and chilled Martini Rossi that's been sitting inside the fridge will be finally happy.
New Enhancement in IVVC. Reading through Marketing Requirement and changes in application, I am getting confused. I wonder who comes with these enhancements. Perhaps this is called Innovation, its gotta be it. I am talking to the Server Side developer, how confusing it is and how much fun I Am having with it already. Also telling I am going to add him in my fun with question and help as soon as the new build is available to me.
I am tired really tired, still 2.5 more hrs. to go and I'm feeling the affect of a rough night. How much sleep can affect your daily stuff. And here is where my blog entry finishes for today.
I came home and headed to Ridgedale mall for some shopping. My first stop was NY & Company and found a nice cardigan. Its so beautiful, can't wait to wear it.
Initially I had planned for Body Works Plus Abs with Tracy. I wasn't feeling that fresh, with backache and stomach ache. It was little after 10am, I woke up, got fresh, had my breakfast, which was more like light lunch. So, I headed to Southdale. I went there with a mission which didn't work out.
I then stopped into Kohls, which didn't work out either. My last stop was DSW where things worked out perfect. I found 2 pairs of shoes, perfect for fall, and I can wear these to go outside everyday until it gets too cold.
Mix No 6
The day started out early, it was a great morning, I miss that kinda morning, we used to have. After getting fresh and breakfast, we headed to Vihar. After an hour, we were there. There were stuff going on in there, it was a little loud. However, I felt little relaxed being there. I wish it was quite and would have felt much relaxed, thats a wish. I am glad the doors were opened.
After spending about 15-20 minutes, headed home. On the way, stopped into a Walmart to get couple of stop. On the way, headed to Caribou coffee and spent a good hour or two. It was nice to sit down while having some coffee.
It was 2pm and were hungry so stopped in to the Greek eatery 'Christo' in uptown for lunch. The lunch was light and food was good too. After that we stopped into the mechanical pencil store and Ducati store. The store was closed even though the website said it is open on Sunday.
After that the stop into Great Hair clips, headed home. After about 1 hour, headed to AMC for movie. The movie made me feel happy. I don't remember the last time I was this happy. Oh I miss myself, my life and 'us'. After the movie, headed home. Stopped into a Than Do for pickup, while waiting for food, stopped into a Grocery store as well. After having dinner, reading paper, back to bed. The day was long, it was beautiful and then it was over. I didn't even think once, its Sunday, I need to get ready for work. This is that best feeling ever.
Been thinking, thinking, don't really want to speak to anyone but relax. I don't understand why things are happening this way. I am glad its Thursday and soon is weekend. Does that change anything?
I don't know whats happening, why its happening and where its going, the three 'W's. The things that are happening makes me sad, it hurts a lot, its extremely painful. It make me feel like going hopeless. And I know its not the right thing, all I have in my life is 'hope', its now seem to be disappearing.
I still hope and wish.......
Remembered so many things of that day. After 3 years, so much has changed in my life with that.
Started out around after 7pm or so. By the time, we got done, it was dark and we had gotten some mosquitoes bites as well. It was 9pm when we got done, were hungry and headed home to have some Tea House for dinner.
We were thinking of a bike ride to Stillwater last weekend, it didn't happen and it did today. It was a great ride however 80 miles round trip. My left foot kept going on sleep and your left hand. Overall, it was fun walking around there and having the ice cream made it much better.
I was nervous during the day time. As the day progressed, getting ready to leave. I reached there few minutes before 8.30pm. The place was really quiet, pin drop silence.
I got ready to be in bed after brushing teeth. The started reading the book and texting you at the same time. The first few minutes, I watched TV as well. But I figured reading book much better anyway. I started getting hungry and I ate my Wai wai. After reading 2 chapters started getting sleepy so went inisde the comforter. About few minutes after the Diane came and we started getting ready with wires all over. We even tried that funny mas thingy and I took of picture of mine and sent your way haha..
She asked me what brought me there etc etc. By the time, it was done, I had more than dozen wires around me, all over my head, face, body. We did some checks and then ti was time for me to bed. Since the place and bed changed, as always had hard time falling asleep. Around 3am, I had to use restroom, she came over and unplugged few wires. After I finished my business, we put the wires back and I went to bed. When I saw myself, I looked funny, wires all over my head, it was sticky to even touch my head.
Again around 6.30am, I had to go, same thing again except different lady. I was surprised nobody woke me up and put the CPA thingy. Either its good or its bad, is what I could think of. I felt tired as usual, wanted to sleep more. Thinking there is only 1 hr left to get up, mad it worse I guess. At 7.30am, I heard A....its 7.30am. Don't move, lay down and I will be there to help you remove wires. It took about 15 minutes to get over with those.
I was debating on taking wash there, but I fixed my hair a bit as it had glue all over. There was a bit of traffic on 62, took 100 and put to 394 then to home. Got ready back to work, tired a little but hoping the results will come out good. And the results will help me fix my sleep issue. Then it will solve my weight, hunger, tired issue as well. Fingers crossed......
It tends to happen every so often, and today was one of those. I started feeling worse as the day progressed. At 7.11pm, feels a bit better but not completely. I started thinking of you too Nhas. Its been almost 5 weeks, I haven't talked to you. I remember you mentioned the same thing when I was home last time. I am hesitant to talk and say anything at this point. As of now, I don't feel like talking to anyone. May be we can talk when you are back this Thursday and you will have a lot of stories to share with me. It will be nice. For a moment I was thinking may be I am depressed. So depressed that, I had no desire to speak, do much.
I got few stuff done, and waiting for my laundry to get done. I feel miserable for some reason.Some days are just like this I suppose when you don't know what you should be doing, you don't know why you feel the way you feel. You keep thinking, you start feeling miserable, head starts getting heavier and you know you are losing and the depression or the whatever it is, takes control over you and your mind.
To be continued........
I am thinking about about every thing that is going around me. I am thinking about all those problems and before I went too far, I stopped myself and concentrated on climbing the hill and spinning in the plain road.
Regardless of all, I got a good workout. After the class is over, as usual Melissa and we chit chat a bit.
Things worked out okay, mean time driving the Mercedes C300 series was nice for a bit. For some reason, always have loved the name Mercedes Benz. And in general, I love some of the German cars, some are hot...
One more day, I woke up really tired. I started thinking, did I snore ? Did I dream all night? Did I what? I couldn't think of a reason, anymore why I woke up so tired, almost like sleepless.
After work, I finally went to Full Body Works and Abs class. I was worried, again I might feel like no energy, but I did the full class. I felt so good about that. I met up and chit chat with my fren Mel too. It was so nice to catch up after 2 weeks.
On the way to my apartment, I met my long time very good friend. Few minutes of talk made me feel good. We hadn't seen or talked for months even though we live in the same building and same floor, hahaha....
I woke up around 5am, thought now I am going to be awake until its time to get ready for work. But, to my surprise, I slept and slept so good. I don't remember getting up this fresh. At that moment, I thought, why can't I fall asleep this good everyday. Things would be different and all problems I am having would get solved to some extent.
With all sleep issues, being tired,being fat issues, even though I wanted to party hard, I wanted to relax and do nothing in the weekend. It pretty much worked out so relaxing. Coming back to the cities wasn't so relaxing. I felt bad that we were driving non-stop for 5+ hours. But when we were home, it was nice.
I was excited about things for us. Now that I look at it, everything is going in wrong direction. I'm having more and more issues, sleep, weight, back and rel.... Its almost the mid of the year, things are going downhill, my hope is going downhill with it as well.
While talking to a girlfriend of mine, looked at a picture. As I saw the beautiful picture, it brought tears in my eyes. It reminded me of what I had thought and how a simple word can change things. Almost seems like the one thing that I really wanted feels like all shattered.
Sometimes it feels nice and I end up wishing. I'm glad its Thursday night and tomorrow is the last day of the work week. I hope it will go fine, specially my meeting.
What is it? Why is this happening? Who knows? Who? Things have getting extremely hard than it should be. I am not sure why someone enjoys making it this hard. It shouldn't be this hard but the person might be enjoying making this way.
I'm not sure what to do this point. There have been many thoughts, today I even started thinking really seriously about something. I might pursue that the next time I talk to Ren. I am not sure if this is a right or wrong thing to do. My heart says wrong, my mind also says, this might be wrong. But again when I look at the situation, my mind and heart says do it. After all, I am the one who is suffers/suffering.
So, much of so many things I had thought. So many hopes were there, now those seem to be dying soon. How could someone do this to you? Someone you really....But this is life, what can you do when someone enjoys this. Words have remained just words, sometimes really hurtful and painful to digest, and the words do not mean anything anymore.Memories don't mean anything anymore, nor the good times and bad times spent together.
May be, time to start deleting memories from the memory, from the memory stick, jump drive everywhere. The thoughts make you emotional, but thats all there is to say, do, feel. Sometimes thats just the way to relief your pain, because when the one who should understand doesn't understand the pain you are going through.
Then again, thoughts come, yeah physical memories will be easy to delete by just hitting a single button, lighting a match, tearing down. But, the hardest part would be to delete it from the most important parts, Heart and Mind.
I don't know what's going on, what's going to happen, where it will end. It doesn't have to be this hard but the fact is, it is extremely hard this point, it has been. I wish things were different, I can't make up mind. Whatever I want to decide, I am ......
There are so much things I want to write but these things are so personal that I can't even post it here. I could however write and not post but again, I don't feel like it. I keep hoping for good. Oh this unfair life, sometimes I do get depressing thoughts....
To be continued may be......
I am not sure why I didn't write or login, but it seemed like there was nothing to write. Nothing has improved, nothing has changed, unfortunately. I wish and hope things will move forward in a right direction soon.
Since that day,its making me think again and again. Sometimes the things that were said, makes me emotional. I am not sure why things are the way they are but its the fact. Yet, I get up every day thinking something good will happen. I live everyday with the hope, some accomplishment will happen. And I stay hopeful.....
There are days,I find myself with lots of may bes. Today is the day of lots of I wish. I hate to be annoyed but whenever that question gets asked, I get irritated seems like. I don't know what I am going to do.Sometimes I just want to say,I am done with everything, I mean everything. But again, it comes down to that one thing 'I wish'.
Before my entry sounds any depressing, I will write about something that happened, a 10-15 minute delay that caused everything.
At 5pm, I noticed some new check-ins coming in. I sent a message to M. We only talked for few minutes, and it was 5.15pm. I rushed to the LL parking lot, started my car, didn't wait for it to heat up and drove away. With all the traffic lights, by the time I reached Hopkins LA, it was 5.35pm.
To my surprise, I made rounds and rounds to find the Parking. By that time I parked and got out of my car, I had 5 minutes to change and head to class. As I opened the classroom door, I noticed, its full. I came out and then again thought, I might be able to squeeze in.So, I did. I went for the weights, and there were no 5lbs but only 7.5 lbs and no mats left either. I started following the warm up routine.
7.5lbs seems like nothing, but when you start doing the repetitions, it gets hard to keep up. I had to stop in between because 7.5 were getting heavier and heavier. I however finished the class. After all this, I didn't even finish the ab work and left. I called it a day.
The day wasn't so pleasant, I didn't get much done at work. But the workout was good. After workout, I came home, did all the stuff for Momo. Now few more minutes it will be all ready to eat....
Sometimes, I get depressed easily. Reason, nothing is going in right direction in my life is how I feel. And everything just hits me, makes me sleepless. I haven't been able to do anything either. Stuck on a point, not moving up which I need it badly.
Well, reason for writing this entry, so after I got back from SL,I had started to feel, why am I here? May be I should move away? May be.....My thoughts had a lot of may be's but I didn't exactly know what that was about.
But, since you got back, I am feeling like myself again. Almost feels like my life is back to normal.
Here was I was sleeping so nicely, suddenly I heard this beep beep. For a moment, I thought oh no, fire alarm, in this cold morning when I really want to sleep in. But after I heard few beeps, I know the battery was dying instead. Finally I woke up, cleaned the bathroom, took shower. I put two loads of clothes in the washing machine, while it was getting done, cleaned the kitchen counters as well.
Thought of calling you, a part of me was telling me,"Don't call, you might be disappointed." I dialed the number and when I heard your voice, I knew what I needed to do. That just left me feel even worse than I already was feeling. Anyway,now I know what I need to do. A complete disappointment, I don't know why I called.
The weekend started, its Saturday afternoon,I have no plan whatsoever. I stayed in bed till late,took a shower,had oatmeal for breakfast and headed out.My first stop was bank, second was CVS Pharmacy, third was Sams Club and finally Cub Foods.I got the pictures printed in CVS, got grocery from Sams and Cub Foods. After everything got done, I came home,made a cup of tea.
Since the time I woke up today,I checked my phone like million times, thinking you might be calling, Did I miss the call? But,it never rang, I was a little disappointed though.I tried to call Nhas cha, it went to voice mail. So, here I am at home, watching Friends on TBS, will make some lunch/dinner and enjoy the TV at home alone.
As always I have no one around to talk to when I want to. I feel a little sad but I am doing things whatever I can to get over this loneliness. I haven't forgotten to SMILE though. :)
Colombo-Paris-Chicago and finally Minneapolis, now its back to reality. Until the next vacation, same old routine, get up, freshen up, get ready, go to work, go to gym, come home, surf net, job hunt and time to go to bed.
Get up next morning and same routine over and over. After 5 days of work, weekend will come, hang out with friends, do different stuff and its over. Boy, this seems like a boring routine, isn't it? Yeah, sometimes it does get old but again, interesting things happen and at times we make it interesting by planning different things.
I have a feeling something good will happen, will be able to accomplish new things, good luck to me.....
I was a little worried how things would be and now this turned out worse than I thought. Few more days left and I am now more and more worried. I am so disappointed at myself. I feel like he came over with me, and now after this treatment, he must be so disappointed as well but he is so nice, he is not saying anything.
I guess I should have known, the moment, I found out, I was taking cab from the airport.But,I then thought, it made sense for us to come in cab since its a long drive here during that traffic time.The first day wasn't that bad, second was worse and now every day is getting worse. If we didn't plan our own plans the past two days, it would have been really bad.
I want to write so much, but my thoughts are extremely heavily full of disappointment and little bit of hurt feeling that, I can't seem to write it correctly either. Few more days, oh my god. At least right now, you are here with me, you will leave Friday morning, then I am not sure how it will turn out. God help me, if I am a nice person, something nice should happen.
The 2nd week of December the weather got colder. That's when cold and cough hit me. So, I stayed home a day, relax. By Tuesday I felt better, and I was happy. Then a week after I started feeling sick again. This time, I took medicine, slept a lot even though how bad I was feeling. I didn't skip work.Monday to Thursday I made it to work with the pain.
Friday Dec 23rd is when I felt a little better, then again Saturday, I felt a little sick. I drank few hot cup of hot tea, hot soup and felt okay. So, again Dec 26th, after coming home from outside, I felt extremely tired. I came home and slept before going to 'spinning class'. When I woke up, it was 6pm, and I had missed the class.
I then made some soup, ate and went to bed at 7pm or so. When I woke up it was Tuesday morning. And now I am writing this blog. I had planned few things to get done, nothing got done, but here I am sick again for the 3rd time, in the past 4 weeks.
I am done getting sick, I want to feel like me again.
As an optimist and writing, thinking and saying 'hopeless' feels sad.
I have always believed in eating right and working out. It has been my belief since I was young kid. The past few years, I have been struggling to shed off some weight. I regularly work out at least 3-5 times a week.
But this year 2011 has been one of the worst. Starting mid January, I started eating whole wheat roti for more than a month. It made very very thirsty and drinking a lot of water before bed, made me sleepless. So I switched back to whatever I used to eat. Sometimes cereal, soup, vegetables, but nothing heavy for the most part. Then back in May, I noticed 5 lba gain, which is unusual.
So, I started running in the gym, a whole month didn't seem to change anything. I joined LA Fitness and started working out in different classes. After 2008, I hadn't joined outside gym since I work out in the apt complex. I started taking at least 5 classes per week for 3 months. As my class started end of September, it wasn't regularly 5-6 classes week. It was more like 4 classes. But after 5 months, I didn't notice a single pound go down.
Last I talked to LA fitness trainer, he really really forced me and tried me to buy the trainer, a contract for a year. He tried to brainwash me 'the only way to lose weight it to do my getting a trainer'.
Since I was having all problems, sleepless, getting hungry all the time, not losing weight, I went to the doctor. I did all tests, glucose, cholesterol, some fat test, you name it. Everything came out normal, other than I have a little more LDL this point.
I look at what I eat, it seems fine, but I can still improve. So, the same week, I started on working on my 'Abs' during lunch time for half hour. After a month, here I am, same thing. Frustrated, disappointed and now hopeless. May be I am supposed to be fat, regardless how healthy I eat and how much I workout. Sadly I have to accept this now.
And, I have come to conclusion and have lost hope and I definitely may be eat like an elephant. That could be why, I don't seem to be able to stay fit, which I used to be. I hope no one else has to go through this pain. Salt to injury, for the past few weeks, I feel hungry a lot.
I was excited thinking about it. At that time, what I didn't know was, I was going to be sick again.The way I feel this week, is making me want to sleep, thats all. I can't wait to be home today, sleep more and get some rest. I don't want to do anything else. I hope to feel better soon, be 'me' again and workout. I can't wait to do so.
Seems like I might have to skip 'Body works and ab' tonight. This is the third week in a row now, I haven't been able to work out much. Too much pressure.
We are excited however, I am a little nervous. I am going to Sri Lanka finally, There is a lot of excitement and a little bit of nervousness. Is everything going to go fine? And we are traveling together to the other part of the world. which is closer to our home.
To be continued......
Weather didn't help but the party was fun. It was a cold snowy day in twin cities, which made the party start very late. But, yet things went as planned.
I didn't plan to stay over but with the weather I just did. The whole day with you, the evening, the morning, oh now I miss you, and its not even been 8 hours I saw you. I can't wait to see you tomorrow and the few more times this week.
I can't wait to receive this shoe in mail. I am so excited, my new shoes come qucikly, I can't wait to wear you and look hot.
I work out regularly, I think I eat healthy too. But the past over 6 months, I am only seeing my weight # go down. I started LA Fitness , but no good result. Yesterday I went to the gym and talked to a trainer. I was so disappointed to see me on scale million lbs. I used to weigh 118 and high used to be 120 lbs. I know I am doing something very wrong, and I have yet to figure that out.
My diet will have 4 egg whites from tonight.
Finally after waiting for a whole week, the 'Saturday' came. I was little worried, how its going to be since its the first time with all together like that. The day started out fine and so did the afternoon. The evening was even better, I think everyone had fun. At least, I felt like that.
I'm a little nervous, hope things are okay but yet not sure. Should I or should I not? I can't wait for this to be over today.
Everything went normal and I feel a little relief.
I was excited to find out, we will be doing the bhoye. The very moment, I started planning what to cook, how to cook etc etc.I like to cook and when it comes to serving others, I enjoy it even more. So, after waiting over a week, finally the day had come.
I got up early, went to farmers market. On the way back, went to get the car wash done and then made the nya golbheyda. Lal Mohan, aloo tusi achaar, paun kwa and nya golbheyda, were all cooked. Then it was time to make Tooka:n cha and khaayaula. Of course bhootan and chon aloo were your dishes.
I didn't bother to eat breakfast, with all the excitement of get together I guess. Around 4pm, everything was done. We got fresh, while reading paper, had some tea too discussing some business stuff, two of the friends arrived. Then it was time for appetizer, with some drink and along with card game. Then the evening just better and better.
Traditional Laptay bhoye along with all the family and friends were great. Everything tasted good and everyone enjoyed. After dinner, clean up dishes, then we all sat down, and started chit chatting about different different stuff . The evening got better. One very good nakha get together planned by you and me.
Friday was a long day, work and then flights. I reached Dallas around 7pm and hung out house for few hours and then to dai's. It was nice meeting tataaju, and family members. By the time, brothers were home, it was almost 1am.
It started out early at 8am or so.A busy day, preparing for Mha Puja. After Mha puja and lunch, round afternoon, went to meet my friends, hung out there for little over an hour and then back to home, to prepare for Kija Puja. A busy day ended with a lot of stuff done along with a lot of fun with family and friends.
Started around after 9.30am or so. Then after breakfast, Nhas cha left and we all went out to get some stuff done and then after wards lunch. I reached MSP at sharp 7.45pm, couldn't wait to see you. Momo party and hanging out with friends just made it wonderful.
I had a good sleep and felt so fresh that I miss me and miss feeling this good. I wish I always get this good sleep.
I am so happy to be able to spend time together. It was a very good Friday evening as well as Saturday all day. As always, can't get enough of you.
Along with how cold it was today. Right now outside, its somewhere around 35 degree. The day started out okay. Entire day spent on CL6 communication but, didn't accomplish much. Then it was 5pm and it was time to leave for Project Planning.
Things were okay, tiring day and now I am even more tired. I am hoping to get some good sleep. The second day of the week is over and soon will be the third day, mid of the week.
I sort of know the reason behind my confused mind, but the reason is something that is going to be there for a while. What I do not understand is why now. May be getting older is not helping me in this situation.
Almost everyday, it comes to my mind. How I feel is something unexplainable at times. I know I could tell you still, what good will it do. Sometimes sharing also doesn't seem to make sense. I have to accept the fact that this is life and I have to live up to it.
The few hours together made me forget all the problems, now I think I can sleep well too. Priceless moments together, I can never get enough of you. But, being able to spend few hours together felt so good.
The problem that I have been dealing with the last almost 6 years. Sadly,I am still having the same issue.However,its much better than how it was in 2005/2006. But, I suffer from the same pain till today.
I was searching and thinking about the movie and I hit Jackpot.Now,I can't wait to tell you.Call me asap.
I had things planned for each day. The weekend was spectacular, I didn't want the weekend to be over. It was so nice to see you everyday my darling. I couldn't be happier.
Friday night Puri Aloo, achaar with some beer. Came along interesting conversation, beautiful pictures, jokes and late night tea. Then Saturday a BBQ get together at friends with friends. Sunday A Housewarming at another friends once again with friends. And Monday the whole day from afternoon till evening with you, was the best. It was nice roaming around, walking in Minnesota Arboretum.
I wish today was yesterday, but the day had to end, we had to be at our own places. But the memory remains, as always you are in my mind and heart. And this moment I am thinking about you, hoping to see you soon.
It happens to me often. As for today, I was going through some emails from May and June, brought smile on my face. Remembered some things from then.
Thursday night, after dinner I was watching news, thats when I felt, itchiness on my neck, arms etc. I didn't know how bad it was until I woke up at 12.50am. My eyes opened and next thing, I realized is, I was itching everywhere. I had a feeling, may be I was having allergic reaction and there it was. It was bad, my body has started to feel hot.
I got ready quickly and headed out to Walgreens. I had to drive about 5 miles, and as I was about to take turn, I saw its closed. I said to my self, now I am in trouble. I thought Cub Foods might be opened so I went there and got some medicine and came home. I was scared. Itchiness had increased, my right should had started to feel weird and so was my neck. I took the medicine, I was scared, really scared what if, the medicine didn't work. But, I was prepared to call either 911 or run to ER.
This is where I realized even more, you need to have someone next to you specially for moments like this. When you are alone, you only have yourself but anyone. That very moment I missed my parents. I remembered that day I was in ER with the allergic reaction which was over a decade ago. Finally around 2.30am I went to bed. At that time, I didn't know something really unexpected was going to happen.
I heard my phone ring, I wondered this early, there I heard a really bad news. And I don't know, whether it got better or worse. Whatever happened, just didn't seem to be fair, but its life. Life is never fair, specially to people, who work really hard and those who are very nice. Bad things always stay away from selfish, bad, irresponsible people for some reason. So, now whats going to happen is what worries me. I hope things will go fine.
An evening, we had dinner together in Don Pablo's with me in my new Wrap Tunic, with my Mudd Jeans along with my GUESS peep toe with....
After the dinner, hanging out, outside of Don Pablo's, talking about different stuff, in a nice cool evening, made the evening nicer.
Great Friday evening with some wine, beer and momo. Then a brief Saturday afternoon at friend's. And entire Sunday afternoon, shopping in the mall for bunch of stuff.
And today being August 14th, 2011, its the second anniversary of my procedure "l. per m." I remember that morning, those moments, that day.
Now I am not sure anymore.I have no clue where I stand anymore. Things are getting more and more complicate, so complicate that things might go two ways or may be seems like going nowhere unfortunately.
A person with not so good luck, however happens to be lucky for others.
Total Conditioning on Monday, Latin Heat on Tuesday, Total Body Works and Abs on Wednesday, Kickboxing Cardio on Thursday, Yoga on Friday, perhaps may be Zumba on Friday.
Started with spending time with you, then movie with friends and then picnic with another set of friends. Awesome....
My weekend was busy. I even made to an a movie that I never thought would.But the part that made me wonder was why. Why was I thinking about so much about life while watching that movie? After the movie, I was driving home, and there were more things going on in my mind. It could be that, some parts of me made me think, somewhere along that movie hours, I felt like I am in it. Or similar to what I go through sometimes. I feel like its happening in real.
It's a saying, what you don't know can't hurt. But is it true though? There are times when you don't know something, you start thinking 'what if' this, 'what if' that. That's a very scary feeling, again 'what if', and I know it comes down to the point that, it's a simple thing. It then ends up being a but, I wish, what if...
I have been planning bunch of things with so much enthusiasm. Why does it always happen to me? One more entry where I am writing about how my feelings got hurt. Is it really, I am not sure. I don't know if I feel anything anymore but again, I am not sure. I had fruits and light something for lunch. I wanted to have dinner together, on those high chairs with those lights. I have been excited about all this and thinking hope you will like what I have planned.
Apart from the dinner I have made, I have been thinking about all this. I wanted to make this special day even more special. I wanted to play 'Nasaa Yo' just for you, I have been practicing from days. I have even borrowed my friend's guitar because mine is out of tune. I have a Champagne waiting in the fridge to be opened at midnight tonight and an ice-cream substitute for a cake.
I have a special birthday gift too, after looking at different stores and spending hours, I finally found it. I was hoping, you will like it. But, nothing matters anymore. At this point, I am not sure how I feel, but definitely may be my feelings are hurt. What I planned today is only for today, not for tomorrow or any other day.
As I looked at the gym schedule, there wasn't any interesting class. I was thinking to go run instead. But, as the day progressed around between 3 and 4, I started feeling weird. I came home, decided to drop in to Macy's for something. The purpose of that was for something specific which didn't work out so I came home. Now I am here writing this entry while watching the tv. I am hungry but I don't know what to eat.
Hanging out with friends, some you know, some you just met, eating veggie burger, corn, salad etc while talking by the pool. And also getting all the mosquito bites, complaining, making silly jokes...
A fun birthday party, with only 2 kids but all adults....
To be continued.....
The past few days work out, has caused my back pain and has made me very tired when I get up in the morning.So, I was debating what should I do tonight. I was looking to do Yoga but it was at 8pm only. Instead I decided to go to Aqua Fit class.
The class had 4 elderly women, may be in their 50s, and another young may be in late 20s. It was an alright class, definitely wasn't an easy class though. Working out in water, is not easy as we think it would be.
Here I am again in pain though, thinking about taking a pain killer before going to bed. Is this back pain, ever going to leave me alone?
It was nice and relaxing. However, the good part about this week is, today is the mid of the week so what's in my mind, obviously the weekend. And the desire of spending more time together. Work day finished, it was busy.
I was studying, I felt lazy so decided to look for the Sparkle song CD. While I was looking, I saw a file, which made me realize that its my chord slash song book. I was happy because its been missing from a year and I couldn't tell where I had kept. I even wrote to you, I couldn't wait to tell.
Listening to Sparkle CD, writing this entry in my blog while watching the Kare11 news.
I was waiting a friend's call to tell me what's going on. Around 11am, I got a call, we are meeting in so and so Park. But the time kept changing in matter of an hour and then it got finalized.
I drove to the Park, but the exit that I was supposed to take had East and West, which I had missed to write down. Finding that Park and getting to the right place was a little challenging in that 90 degree heat. But, overall was a nice day to be outside, picnicking in the Park with few friends.
Got some mosquito bites but bug spray helped a lot. The Canoeing, was fun too, except I got too scared sitting on it while my friends tease me all the way. And seeing the little three year old, enjoy being in the beach, made the evening better.
Here, I was planning on for tonight's dinner since I am having friend and friends mom over. Right after lunch, my friend called and cancelled, said can't make it, something else got planned. I said okay. But by the time, I left work, I planned a different plan.
So around 6pm, the weather started to look really bad outside, I thought I am stuck inside. It all changed in less than an hour. Around 7pm, I left to meet my friend, we got some stuff from Cub Foods for the dinner and we made tacos for dinner. Hanging out with my friend along with Fish Taco for dinner was all worth it. I got introduced to new people, my friend's friends, which was nice. I enjoyed the Friday evening.
Tried out the new class, not that satisfactory but I burned some calories which is good. Here I am typing words, not sure what I where its going and whats going to be written. The only thing I have in mind is nothing going right.Life is going downhill, may be life is coming to an end.
When I was in the class last night, I knew my back might hurt this morning. So, at 7am, my alarm went off. I had no sense that my fingers are not my phone to snooze my phone alarm. I heard my alarm at 7.15am again and this time, I realized, my back is hurting and I do not want to get up.
So, I woke up at 7.20am, got my stuff ready for gym and went for shower. Got ready, got out at 8am from home.
I came in, I was told about the Reg run last night.Thats when I realized I might have forgot to made a modification to a build file. I just checked in, fingers crossed,I am confident,that will solve the problem.And yes, I don't want to hear anyone talk today, I am wearing the earplugs.
Sometimes feels like, life has no meaning, sometimes feels like hope is dying and sometimes speechless how its going,.....
To be continued......
It breaks my heart but not sure why it is the way it is. Today I am not able to express how I feel. I slept good, said bye to you and came to work. I wish I was able to stay in bed longer though. Feelings are never easy to express in moments like this. I don't want to talk to anyone.
My mind is in a state, I never thought, it will be.Last night made me realize a lot of something, something I thought may be not true. Now I know me, my feelings and my tears do not mean anything, sadly it simply has no meaning.
Every time, the thought comes to my mind, I find the tears falling off my cheek.
I don't easily get emotional, but in this case, I can't seem to be able to control.
First time taking a Full Body Workout after a long time. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, but it sure was good. Thanks to my long time, very best friend.
The thought keeps coming, no matter what I do. I slowly find the tears falling off my cheeks. I need a new life.
The morning breakfast with you was great .
After wards, attending the wedding ceremony meeting friends was nice too. It definitely was fun. Wearing my peep toe from GUESS , oh that painful shoes.But what mattered most, was the fun we had. The photo shoots, the chit chats, the jokes, everything made it so great.
http://www.blauparts.com/vw/vw_oil_leaks/vw_passat_oil_leaks.shtml . I love my Passat no matter what.
A week back, I got a burning smell in my car, I took it to Luther side VW and got the diagnostic done for $112.20. So, now the maintenance tag I got was for $1100. I was like what??
So, since then I have been doing search, trying to talk to different people to get quotes. It hasn't helped much but I need to get the work done soon.
Valve Gasket, Cam Tensioner along with Coolant Flange
Because what I have been doing, seems like not helping me. I don't know I feel like, did I do a good thing by joining, I can't decide.
Anyways,after the Gym, I went to the Sams club and I came home. On the way back, I felt like, I can do anything in life. Suddenly felt like, things will be fine, I will find a good opportunity and everything will go just fine. I hope the way, I feel is right.
I find myself, waiting for Friday and weekend these days, almost every week. I know I get to see you during these times. I keep hoping, for it to come soon. The best part about my week is Friday and getting to see you, spend time with you, as always. I can never seem to be satisfied for some reason.
Lately, there hasn't been anything exciting in life other than you and us spending time together, doing whatever we can to enjoy the moments together. There are still three more days to go and I am already counting days. May be, this is part of the 1/4 life crisis. May be, may be not, who knows...
I thought I can make it to work and I got ready and left. After the morning, meeting, I didn't feel any better. I just wanted to be in bed. It wasn't even 10am when I left work. I came home, changed and slept on the couch for hours. I got a headache from sleeping in the afternoon which I am not surprised. However, I didn't feel cold or cough, but as soon as AC started running, my nostrils started to feel like burning a little bit.
Here I am writing this entry, I want to sleep but I can't. I have so much things to do, I can't even not think about it.
To be continued....
Getting back to how I am feeling, I just want this week to be over. There is nothing I am looking forward to however, oh there is the most important one, i.e 'you'.
To be continued.............
So, I was talking one of my friend after really long time, discussing some personal stuff
he had just gone through. The same time, I was talking to another friend, so I was asked 'what have you been doing summer wise?" My answer was nothing really. I haven't started biking, nor have done anything summery. Yeah hung out with my friends
few weeks backs in Rochester does that count? May be, may be not, depends how you take it I guess.
There is a lot I want to, I can't write everything here. But, at least something I want to do is, I want to go somewhere out of here. Different city, different environment, hang out, walk, do whatever I feel like. But you need a companion for that. Unfortunately, I am alone and at times, I just ........
Few minutes ago, mom dad called to discuss something. While talking mom said as always, you need to think about this. Time is coming, need to start thinking about it. I told her, if I could do it alone, I will do right now, but I can't. Sometimes I don't know what to say or do when I get asked that question. Sometimes I feel like the piece of cheese, sandwiched between the two slices of bread.
I actually don't know what I am going to write about at this point. Once my fingers start to type on the keyboard, will find out.This is just what I have to do sometimes.
Today, is the second day of work week. The day started out fine, but when I saw some stuff in someone's workspace, that annoyed me. I don't easily get annoyed at work, that one did. I felt like, I actually was annoyed that I didn't know how I felt. And I did explain the person what the person shouldn't be doing. Done deal you would think right but that story is not over yet.
I then find out something else, that obviously again annoyed me more. And of course that another person asking me question when, where etc etc...Annoying after annoying. So, I received an IM in gmail from a friend. After few minutes, the conversation was over.
I had just come back to my office and I saw two emails, just few minutes apart. I couldn't wait to call my friend. Obviously she was annoyed, frustrated by stuff and I was too but with a totally different reason. What a day???
Here I am studying, taking a few minutes break and letting my fingers type whatever they want to. I better get back to my book, before I spend too much time here. hehe....
And at last wanted to say something, I am not sure why I am getting garbage comments these days. I am starting to need good readers and who want to read and comment on my stuff. I need feedback too....
I was planning spending the weekend together. As you were getting sicker, I didn't see that happening. Although I thought, may be we will but I wasn't sure. On Saturday, me and one of my friends met in mall, to shop for gifts. After spending almost 6 hours in the Mall walking walking walking, we decided to stop and head home.
On the way, out, I went to my friends to pick my stuff, had tea, Nimki, chit chat and headed home. On the way, I returned the pillows. Before I drove out from the lot, I made a call again. Finally, you picked up my call. Apparently, your phone never rang the previously two times.
So, thats when our real weekend started. Saturday finished and Sunday went so fast too. But, even after spending so much time together, it was still not enough. I was looking at the clock and worrying, you will leave in few but you had to. Sometimes I wish......
I need some good thoughts before my entries get boring.
You were not alone for the beginning , then I was moving. But then we both were alone. But it is one of the best summer so far for me. Despite your busy-ness with school work, we did so much things together. We didn't go on a trip which we should this year hopefully.
Compared to last year, its different this year. You know why its different. Although I wish......Well, I was hoping to do more things this year, make it a better summer together. Now that I know class is running till September, I wonder sadly. Its already mid of June, two more months to go, I want to do so much together, but I am not sure if anything will happen.
For me, its going to be same old routine, work, home, gym, then home and same old same old boring stuff. But, I do hope and wish, we will make it a good summer together, doing whatever we can and make the best out of it.
I wanted to finish work and go home and start waiting for Saturday evening. I was anxious, excited, you name it. One more day and you will be with me, awww finally this wait is going to end.
And now its raining heavily, as I am typing, its raining even heavier. Alright who wants to grill outside, anyone?? anyone???? This is by far the worst Memorial weekend weather I know. Yesterday the weather was so bad in Chicago that they canceled 500 flights. Wow....is it winter storm or the summer storm...
I woke up, got fresh, had breakfast, sat in front of the computer, then to the gym.
Its not sunny today like yesterday, makes me wanna have momo, but you are not here here with me to do so. Otherwise, I would. Oh well, feels good to burn some calories. Thinking what should I do today.
One of my friends called, talked about shopping, hanging out etc etc. I went to JCPenney, thinking to buy some stuff, but didn't find anything interesting though. I guess good, I saved money hehe...
As I entered Target, I heard my phone ring. I spent less than 10 minutes and headed home. Talking to you, made me forget I am alone. I like hearing what you did during the day. Distance wise so far, but thanks for the technology, which has made things so much easier. Less than a week to go.
I don't seem to understand the question in Critical Reasoning part. I understand the passage but the questions are meant to confuse you. However, Data Sufficiency part confused me at first. Once I did 1 or 2, it cleared my confusion.
Afterwards, to the gym, shower, lunch and out for shopping. Today, I went to Kohls in Penn Ave where I have not been before. As I pulled into the lot, I saw Herberger's. I thought may be, will drop in after Kohls. This Kohls is much bigger than those I have been before. I found a lot of stuff, but only bought a top and a pair of skinny jeans. I got a good deal,I was happy. As I got out, I saw, it seemed like, it was going to storm. I went to Herberger's for few minutes, got a top and came out.
As I put into the highway, it started raining. I was worried it might storm, then hail. The road seemed like, it was getting longer, but felt relief when I got home. I was expecting you would call me, that's one of the reason, I wanted to be home quickly. Since you didn't call, I tried three times to get through and finally you picked up. When I heard your laugh, it felt like, you were laughing at me. I don't know where I am going. At the end, I was sad, coz didn't get to talk to you.
After having some fruits, talked to Namu, then Yukti. Also talked to Sushil and Rencha,. It felt good to hear her story. I am happy for everyone.
As I look out my window, there are people grilling, talking, eating, drinking etc. I missed my days like that before as this is the second Memorial weekend, I am spending alone. In a way, I feel okay, at the same time, I feel sad for myself. Anyway, two more days to go, I need to study some tonight. Sometimes I fear, am I going to alone...
Phone started ringing, when I heard your voice, I was happy. One more week, feels longer than ever....
Three weeks ago, I said bye to you, it was hard to see you go. Now one more week and you will be here. I am excited but until I see you, every day, hour, minute and second is going to be feel long.
Today is the first day of the long weekend, I have no plan. I wanted to sleep till little late and I did. I then had breakfast, took shower and headed out. While I was trying out clothes in Macy's, I was thinking about you. Then the same moment my phone rang, I looked at the caller ID, and I knew it was you.
I didn't want to say bye yet, but how long could I have stayed on the phone while shopping in Macy's. And I knew you were tired and wanted you to get some rest. Knowing a little bit, how you feel, makes me feel good a little.
Dinner at home on Friday, State Capitol to MOA Sea on Saturday and Como Park Conservatory to Temple on Sunday, then again snack at dinner time. Then after wards, movie and jokes.
For a moment I forgot I am alone. Although I missed you a lot.
The presentation went okay and that's what some of the coworkers told me. One of them told me, they found a new Technical Writer and that's me, I thought it was funny.
The day was busy at work, waited for your emails or call, nothing came. But, I wrote to you two emails thought may be you would be expecting my reply. However, sometimes day feels longer, since I do not see your text message all day. But, I think the remaining 3+ weeks will go, while I keep missing everything.
Well, I was earlier in Oracle and Dice sites. Both sites are absolutely horrible. Both sites, wouldn't exactly tell you what you missed. If you type a city name with (.) in it, it would complain. Why can't it give a user friendly error message, that would save the time and frustration. But, who is going to point this out to them.
All right, I am off to bed, too tired to type anything..
Then at 2.04pm, I found out I need to do a presentation during the meeting tomorrow. I haven't done any prep for it.
Guess what the topic 'IVVC', the project. I wanted to present on this topic, even thought its hard, but I wanted to do because, it would help me understand myself, how much I understand or how much I can explain to a new person.
The only bad part is, at the last moment I found out. Other than the Technical Writer, other have no clue about this. All I know is, no one wants to work on it. And when people ask question, I want to be able to answer it.
Not much is coming to my head how to present. Had it been about the interest in learning new language or music, I would ACE it hehe......
Worked with my one time best friend to fix my resume, it was good. Then talked to Rencha about hows she feeling and how I am feeling.
I just went over the algorithm on my head, and I think I will do fine.
As I logged into email, seeing your email made me smile, along with messages from my frens, felt good. I read everyone's messages and then left yours at last. I wanted to give enough time to read it. :)
Little nervous due to weight gain, but I think I will be fine.
I saw two missed calls and there were two voice messages, I thought second one has to be you. And it was you, it was nice to hear your voice darling. So, as I logged into Skype, you came online, you were waiting for me. It was nice to talk to you. Expressed to you as always how I was feeling. And started talking talking talking as I always because you make me.
There I was, wanting to know how your days have been going, what you did etc etc. I won't say never because that would be a wrong word. So, to make it clear, I should say, you seldomly tell me things. It makes me wonder why you do that, and at times I feel sad, may be you still do not want to involve me in anything. Then again I hope, but again it remains a hope and wish unfortunately. I don't know what I have to do or what will change this. Until that happens, I keep wishing, hoping for the best. Isn't that what I have been doing for almost two years now? It gets tiring sometimes.
I am happy for dot dot...but I feel really sad deep down. Without realizing, tears start to fall so easily. I don't get emotional easily but this.......The questions, answers, the discussion everything comes down to sadness.....
I have no motivation nor have a desire to do anything. As I look out from the patio door, it looks kinda sunny outside. The view I am getting is absolutely beautiful but I don't even want to step outside for a bit.
I have never pictured my life this way, and so much of so much changed in ...............
The weekend is over, here I am listening to Nima Rumba, relieving my sadness, pain, trying to cheer myself up and trying to motivate myself to do something.
I had momo for dinner, I can't believe 'momo' didn't taste good. This has never happened to me before. I am tired of this now...
It was a rainy day, of course, and every time the day is like that, it makes us want to have momo. It was the same yesterday. I was excited making plans during the day. After work, gym, yoga, skype session, I made the achaar, which was tasty.
The fact that we both enjoyed the dinner, it was even better. After a whole day work and then class, I am happy we had a good dinner together.
Because I don't want to stay a Monday feeling bored, sad whatever. But spending little time with you last night,gave me strength.Now,I know the week will be fine and will pass quickly.I will try my best to do something to get not bored like yesterday. However if I do get bored,I will remember you and the time we have spent together.
And you do make me want to do things that I have be holding on to, or may be I have been hesitant about. I mean good things. Maybe that's why I am proud and happy to be with you. I cherish every moment I am with you, always have and always will.
Have a great day....
If you keep waiting for your career to rise, and shine it might be too late for other things in life and all you have left would be, I wish, ifs, but etc. Well, time, career and relationship are a big and very important topic of life. With things that are going around, made me want to write about it even more than ever.
While I was in bed, I started thinking about it. For some, this topic might not matter whereas for some, its matters a lot. I know a lot of us want to make a career before we decide to settle down and may be many do other things. But,once you meet someone you 'really' want, you should re-think about it.
Career is important and so is relationship. If you are, one of those, who wants to spend rest of his/her life alone, doing every thing alone, this entry is not for them, if not, it is. Career and relationship, time has a big hand on it.
Perhaps, once you have the degrees you want to get, you might get chance to make a career anytime in life. But,the one whom you really love, really care, might not come again and again. Relationships are hard to come, no matter how much you try or do whatever, once the right loved one is gone, he/she is gone.
You can regret, look back, tell yourself 'I shouldn't have done this, I shouldn't have taken relationship for granted'', but by the time you realize, it might be too late and all you have left is once again, if, but, I wish. So, think what is important to you, your career or relationship which comes with love, care, support and many more things.
A lot of things get easier when you are together. Of course, its not going to be easy at all times, as we all know this is life and its a roller coaster. So,being together, choosing a relationship is not going to shatter your dreams.
Fortunately or unfortunately, things 'change', plans do not work out as expected and things happen in life. Knowingly or unknowingly things happen. But at last, things happen whatever its written in your forehead.
This week has been odd, oddly I feel even more odd. The week is all about I don't know. There is so much I need to and want to do, but I can't. I need to reach to the top of the mountain and I can't seem to get there. A part of it is my fault. I have been doing so much thinking too, but the thought remains a thought. The thought needs to be put into action, action that will actually happen. And one day, I can look back and tell myself, that was a thought and I made it happen. Now, I need to come up with a new thought. Again, make that thought come true and make it happen.
Life is a roller coaster, things keeps happening which makes us work hard. But, it doesn't always work that way. While I talk about this life, lets listen to Bruno's 'Lazy Song' and Enjoy!!!
Since yesterday afternoon, I am feeling weird. And today I started thinking again. I can't seem to be able to do anything in life either. This is a very scary feeling. When I look back and look at present, seems like I haven't accomplished anything. I feel like time is running out and I am still standing on that spot from million years. Although after expressing how I was feeling, you made me feel better. I need to push myself.
April 18th, 2011 @ 6pm
We went to pick up the new phone, oh its hot and sexy. I want to play with it.
Friday evening started out with an Alumni Networking, which was okay. There were few people of our age. Luckily, I met two of the friends from school. The food was good, at least that was good. After wards, after coming home, we watched 'A Lot Like Love' then 'The god must be crazy'. Although we finished that movie the next day.
Saturday shopping in the Rosedale Mall went okay. Although you made me worry when you were feeling dizzy. I didn't say anything but I was scared what if you pass out. That's the last thing, I wanted to happen. We were looking to sit down and every bench was occupied. And finding the Vending machine for Diet Coke that you wanted became a story for few minutes, when the machine didn't take $5 bills. Everything worked out, I am glad you felt fine after wards. Here is the result of DSW, 'GUESS' second shoe of year 2011.
One of the best things about Saturday was that you talked to my sister, she was happy. Its high time, you get over your uncomfortableness. Overall, chatamari dinner turned out fine. One bad part was after having drink, I was spinning. I hadn't drank a lot but, I am not sure what happened. That was one of the worst feelings one could ever have. Never in my life, I want to feel that way again.
Today after talking to Nhas, I have been feeling dizzy. I sat on the sofa and talked to Singhal my friend, I felt even worse after that. I thought may be, I should eat something and had some Wai Wai soup, didn't help. Its 8.48pm, and I still feel weird. Hopefully this will go away and I will feel normal again.
I started out fine, ended up writing emails to Kate at U for MBA, then the banker, then talked to a lawyer. Banker's email came fine. Lawyer's response, I am not sure what to think. Then again, had to talk to the Apt manager, which went okay. So, its one of those days, I can't tell whether I accomplished something or I didn't, I am not sure. And again call my babu, about his situation, hopefully things will go fine with him.
Tomorrow is the mid of the week, hopefully will be a productive day, I will accomplish something, learn something new, do something good. Now its time to get back to reading the new.
My answer was, I want to but I haven't done anything. But after I talked to Jesse, I feel like I should apply before its late. My desire to go for MBA in Carlson School of Management. Sometimes I get confused, sometimes I don't want to thinking about all the assignments, paper, reading material. I know its my dream from a young age but, whether it will happen this year or not, is a big question.
Sometimes I think, I just got a masters last year, I should wait a little bit. But again, if I wait too long, I will never be able to do this, as it will take at least 3 years to finish here. Its a 57 credit degree. If I take, 2 courses per semester, I will finish only 4 in a way which means 4.75 years meaning 5 years. So, if I want to get done early, I need to take 18 credits a year, it will get done in 3 years. The cost would be $20,000/year only tuition. Oh lord which means I won't have money and won't have a life either.....
New York set to be big loser as sea levels rise
I don't think there is anyone who didn't watch Al Gore's video about Global Warming, which I thought was very interesting and informational. Although some people think, it's a money making strategy, Umm...What do you think ? The things he has said, now its happening. In summer, different parts of the world are experiencing extremely hot weather. Different states of US are having shortage of water etc etc...Yes some people do not believe in it. I don't know why.
Oh well, anyway its 'Weekly world news quiz' time, 3-5: Slow Train (5/7)
I like reading BBC news everyday, although, its been a while, I don't go to BBC page anymore. Instead I read Google Reader and when I am interested to read the entire article I go to BBC.
Its been years, I have been reading BBC and do the Friday quiz. The past few months, I have done bad but today, first 5 questions I got it right. I felt like, oh I am actually doing good. The last two questions however, I was clueless and got it wrong.
We finally made it for a walk, it was nice, although it was a little chilly. But having you by my side made it better. It was nice to just walk, talk, walk and talk. There is this different type of relaxation being with you. I hope you get enough time to go over and prepare for your presentation tomorrow. Regardless what we do, moment spent together are priceless, means a lot, hope it will always remain that way.
The trip hasn't been as adventurous as it was getting to the airport to make it to the flight but, it was nice. Yesterday, we made it to 'The Second City' to watch comedy, the show we watched was funny. http://www.secondcity.com/. After wards trying to get to a restaurant to find something eat was awful. We finally found a restaurant, who made the worst pizza in the world. After eating that no one would want to eat a Pizza. We were hungry so we had to eat that pizza anyway.
The day started around 10am, we went to Millennium Park, shot some pictures. Then we walked to find Siam's Rice. I wanted to eat 'Drunken noodles' so badly, forgot to check if they are open during weekend or not. We were outside the restaurant and to our surprise, it was closed. It was funny, so much for nothing. But that Ruby's Siam's wasn't the best place for Thai food though.
However, Sushi for dinner was great. They definitely made good Sushi, I feel like eating. http://www.friendssushi.com/. Other than breakfast this was the best food we had.
Once again, had breakfast in Corner Bakery, the some pictures, then checkout from hotel and headed to airport. This time there was no drama or rush rush reaching the airport or flight. It all went as planned. However, there was so much turbulence in the flight, I almost got a headache.
It was April 1st,so called April fool's day. The day which almost made us fool outta ourselves because we almost didn't reach where we were supposed to. Of course, thanks to that good looking man who fell asleep and didn't hear a dozen calls I made.
I woke up at 3.45am, made the first call at 4am. It went to voice mail, I thought after shower, I will call again. The next 75 minutes, I kept calling 10-15 minutes apart. But, it kept going to voice mail. I thought of driving there too, but again, I might have gotten scolding. So, I waited instead, waited waited and waited patiently. Of course by that time, I know he has fallen asleep. Worse come to worse, I thought we will miss the flight and I will go back to work. My $$$ will be wasted, you will have to make another appointment and buy another ticket. Seemed like that was going to happen. I started thinking, may be this is the sign because you don't want to go anywhere with me anyway, god knows why.
At 5.15, finally the call got picked up. That's when he realized he had slept 75 minutes extra. In the next few minutes, I got another call, I thought now what. So, this is where the real adventure starts.
We headed to downtown, in a rush rush, we bought the train ticket. It was dark, we were late, we didn't see each other. I was in wrong side of the station trying to get in. Finally I heard a voice, wrong side. I thought, I would be left alone there.
The train kept making stops at its usual stops and finally it was our stop. By the time, we reached airport it was almost 6.30 am and our flight was at 7am. The security line was huge, didn't look like we will make it to the gate. Luckily expert traveler line was short and we cleared security shortly. After that we ran to the gate. I have never run that much in my high heels and today I did. I reached the gate, and I got myself boarded but you were no anywhere near. I told the lady to wait, she said 'you have 2-3 minutes'. After all the running around, we ended up in two different gates.
Now that I look back, it all seems funny. Although the best part about today however was the breakfast, lunch was okay and dinner was terrible.
I was surprised to see the language it was written in. And it influenced me to write this entry because of that friend. Not that I have never thought about writing but....
This is an article that might make some of you mad at me. But the truth is truth, we can't deny. If my parents had decided to teach me Nepali instead of Newari, I dont know may be I would have been different. But they decided to go with Newari instead and I am glad they did. I am proud on of my parents, my whole family who have taught their kids our own language.
In a way, its a good news at the same time not so good. Its good because finally its going to happen and hopefully they will do the faster one. Bad because I am stuck in the same place until I get it. That means my dream to go higher will need to stay on hold. Although this might be an opportunity for me to do better, improve my skills and get better success in the future.
Good luck to me....
I want to exist you know. But then I let it go, just because you were in front of me, smiling,showing me that million dollar smile with that million dollar dimples.Oh I love it. Of course, it was awkward, really awkward, but what ever happened, happened for a reason.
Well, the reception was fun, met my good old friend from school, it was a surprise although I knew he would be there. We had a good time talking, cracking jokes etc etc. And of course, after party Lounge was fun too. I wish you had come along with me, but its okay. One good evening and late night out with friends.
It scares me, I look right I look left, I see its happening to everyone. Again, it raises another question in my head, what if. Then I somehow prepare myself but again, I can't.
Today we both are on sick leave, not planned to be sick either. But, we somehow started feeling sick last Wednesday morning. We both made it last week, starting Friday evening and weekend I was in a bad shape. You on the other hand, were not feeling as bad as I was. But starting yesterday, it hit you bad too. Both sick and taking rest, I am at my place and you are at yours.What an irony?
I guess third time is a charm.From last year, I have been wanting to go to Hockey game with you. I have had tickets too the other two times. But this time,we actually made it despite us being sick.
Ice Hockey is easy to understand so its fun to go watch the game. Saturday game was definitely fun. Both teams tried to shot as much as they can.There were at least three fights among the players during in the game, however second was funny. Referees didn't stop players, let them hit each other and watched them until, one fell on the Ice ring.
We were wondering why aren't they stopping, it was fun for the audience though. Although the Wild player was hitting the Blue Jackets player, so all Minnesotans were happy hehe...
After the game, we went to get some fish for me woohoo. Those couple of hours together watching game was nice.
Today after work, I decided to go for a Car Wash. As I pulled in, I had the car in Drive then in Neutral. For some reason, I was a little bit scared to pull in, I did it anyway. The car in front seemed to be really close, and I was worried about hitting it. As the car started moving, suddenly I heard a loud 'Thud'. At that time, my wind shield was completely covered with soap. I was like what in the world, shoot, I hit the car in front. I was like oh lord, why did I decide to get the car wash today.
In the mean time, one of the car wash guys came over and said, you need to put in Neutral and no Brake. I showed him, and said I am in Neutral. I was little shaky and was in shock. Once the car wash was done, I went to vacuum area. I looked at the car in front of me, nothing had happened to it. I looked at mine, I didn't see anything either.
I was still in shock, my legs were shaky. It wasn't the best feeling though, and never want to feel that way again please. That very moment so many things came to my mind. If something really happens to me, I have no one, I mean no one, I can call. How sad and pathetic is it? But hopefully nothing happened to the car. If something really did, I will find out when I start and drive tomorrow morning. Fingers crossed.
So, I finally gave a missed call home. Dad called me, talked to mom dad for over half hour.
After the call got disconnected, I talked to Nhas. Later that night, I started thinking about everything again. I have been trying to take it 'cool', but it hit me once again. Its in my head again, will it ever go away, will something ever change in life. I look right, I look left, its happening to everyone but why mine is the weirdest.
Since I had lunch at Jake's last Thursday,I've not been feeling good.I thought may be I had Gastric. I also was eating Hajmola, Hingoli to feel better for my stomach. Then on Saturday evening,I drank almost a bottle of Soda with Lemon. Sunday, during lunch I had some more,right after that I felt odd with my throat.
By Sunday evening,I was coughing,then Monday it was worse. I went to work anyway,boy I felt miserable. Everytime I coughed, my head hurt more and more, my chest did too. On top of that knee joints started feeling weak.So, I left early at 4.30pm, I went and got some dinner and ate then went to bed.At around 9.15, I woke up. I started coughing, now my head hurt even more.It hurt so much that I missed my home,missed being by my mom and dad.When I get sick and am in so much pain, I miss home so much. This is the worst part of being away from home.
Every day after work, I login to my machine thinking I will do some productive work. But, somehow I end up either talking to Rencha, surfing stuff, reading new and sometimes I don't know how I end up spending./wasting my time. So, here I am today, doing the same thing. I am getting tired now and nothing has been accomplished, not good.
Lastly, I have to write, some people are too much into their girlfriends and some are too much into their joint family and friends, frustrating...
Yesterday, around noon the meeting place was changed, new place was Gorkha Palace in Minneapolis. We started with about 10 people,by the time it ended, there were over 20 people. It was fun, we made many jokes, talked about different stuff. Definitely was the best part about the weekend.
Umm...may be its true sometimes but again I don't know why. And again, my question remains unanswered why so? Well I didn't get a good sleep and I didn''t feel like doing much want today. I was thinking may be I should go shop after work. I was looking for a reason to go outside and get fresh cold air. But,again do what. Hoping will have something to pick up from the library but there wasn't any.
After work though, I came home, went to Gym and spin for 42 minutes while watching NBC news and Kare11 news. I could have done a whole hour but I didn't. I kinda was lazy but the 42 minutes were great.
The thought keeps coming and going, sometimes ends up leaving me think more about it and at times answer less. I go over and over in my mind, end up with no answer too. Life is so unfair sometimes. Some people work so hard and yet they don't get what they are working for. And there are some, who don't do anything and they get everything they want. Its true, have seen this happen many many times. Its about your luck no matter what you say and do.
Well, again I keep wondering, will there be an end to this ever. Even if your life is over, one would still be wondering I guess or may be I am talking nonsense.
I am doing the same write now, nothing fun or interesting has happened. There is nothing to write, nothing to talk about. I get up, take shower, get ready, have my breakfast and head to work. After all day of work, I come home, go to gym, then eat something, stay in front of the computer.
This routine is not doing anything to me. Although its Friday tomorrow, I am hoping I can stay home and get some sleep and relax doing nothing. Oh I can't say doing nothing, because I have a list of things I need to take care.
I was having Butterflies in my stomach because the weeks long wait was finally over. But, today just a thought makes me emotional. I have been trying to occupy myself with different things. It hasn't worked all the time.
So much needs to be said, but I get shut up with that quietness and those heartbreaking answers. In the mean time, during my down time, this song is helping me feel better. Its so not fair sometimes but Life is ...........
I went to buy the gift in Toys R US, but unfortunately they were closed for renovation. Now, I didn't know where to go. I went to a different store anyway. I couldn't decide what to buy, I had a thing in my mind and after I didn't see it, I was all confused. After spending like an hour, I decided bought and came home. I wasn't feeling great but I was excited for the party.
So, at 5pm, I headed out and met up my friends. Then we car pooled together, it was fun being there. For a moment, I forgot I am alone and I am not feeling good. It was fun hanging out as always with friends and new people. We headed home around 11pm. By the time, we reached my friend's place it was almost midnight. And three of us ended up watching a movie till almost 1am. A little bit of drink with some popcorn and a movie at night, what could make it better. Movie was done around 1am and I headed home.
I was so tired after reaching home, I went straight to bed. I can't explain how tired I was and how good sleep I got.
I had my account hacked a month ago, which led me to file the report with MS.I provided a lot of information they needed. In two days, I noticed their reply on my thread, which didn't say what additional information was needed but just said 'we are unable to verify you as the owner of this account. I again provided them more information, but nothing happened for a month.
After my trip after a month, I filed another report,but to my surprise their response was again , not enough information.So, I again provided more, it doesn't help because they didn't tell what more information they needed or what was incorrect. You would think they would do.
Today, I saw another post to my thread, saying, this is the final reply and they have concluded the verification. I provided them all the information, but didn't happen.I have been using that account for over a decade and they can't validate my information. I felt really sad and realized how bad Microsoft service is.
Their post in that thread also said 'we recommend you create another account." Now after all this, why do they think, I would ever want to create another hotmail account with them, just seems ridiculous. I have so much memories attached to that email address. Below is what I saw in my thread, I am so disappointed at Microsoft service.
We have concluded our review of the information you provided. Our agents were unable to validate that you are the account owner. The information provided has been reviewed and our agents could not match this information to the account information currently stored for the account.
Our final recommendation is to create a new Windows Live ID account.
Windows Live ID Support
Stood in line for 3 hours to have buffet. If we didn't talk during that three hours wait, it would have felt like forever, we would never have made it. Slowly friends started to show up after 7pm. Three of us were in line at 6pm, by the time it was 2 hours, we were 10 people standing. After all, it was worth it. It took my mind from thinking about nonsense, the very important nonsense though.I am glad I went out and was able to feel the way I feel. I feel like myself again.
It was my first time and I definitely want to go there again to play. Now that I know how those machine works.
http://www.mysticlake.com/gaming/slots After having dinner, we were roaming around. And later while roaming around, three of us ladies, got lost in that Casino. We couldn't figure out where we needed to be. Every single spot and machine looked same. Two of us were high heel boots, and feet were hurting and we were still actively searching for my fren's husband and boyfriend.
We thought it was going to be 10 people and ended up with 25 of us. It was fun though, hanging out, talking, joking, taking pictures. I felt fresh, happy and things those were bothering me went away that time. I met few new people too, was definitely worth going out. Thanks to my friends, who invited me.
I have been through so much in life that this doesn't feel anything new to me. Although I didn't think things will go this way to this extent. For the past 5 years, I have been wanting/trying to go to visit London. Why London? Because its London, the city that I have wanted to visit, wanted to that king's palace where once Diana lived.
So, instead of last August, I applied to for Visa and got it and planned the trip to come home. One of the reasons for coming home to renew the visa. I had filled up application from there and had my brother get the date. When I found out the Date is January 4th, 2011, I had a bad feeling. There is a history behind it.
Anyway, it was January 4th, and I had everything ready, I gave the interview. The Consular told me, I will have to wait since the PIMS hasn't come and should come within 48 hours. And I should hear by Friday. I didn't hear till Friday morning, so I went to the Embassy. But to my surprise, after waiting for almost two hours, nothing happened, I mean nothing. The staff whom I talked to was useless, she didn't even bother to write what I had said. I got the email address to write an email instead.
So, I came home, I sent an email to the lawyers, if there is something they could do to help me. I sent an email to the Embassy also. On Saturday, I checked my email and saw the lawyer had contact one of the USCIS staff and tried to get my information to the Embassy here.
Soon it was Monday January 10th, 2011, no calls till afternoon at 2pm. I decided to go the Embassy, I got in but had to wait. Unfortunately, I didn't get any help what so ever. Once again I told them I have to travel on January 12th, 2011. The staff said, you need to wait Ma'm. Time was running out, I again wrote to the lawyer, I got an email saying, the USCIS officer had tried to get my information to the Embassy here. But nothing happened on Tuesday either. Finally , I got hold of Embassy and Consular called me back and said, there seems to be a 'GLITCH' in our system and we are requesting the information again.
Now, what am I supposed to do? I told him, so I am supposed to cancel all my travel plans. After waiting all day, at night I canceled my travel/ticket. Which canceled my UK travel plan, that was one of the sad part for me. There GLITCH costs me, stress, frustration, loss of my UK visa, my ticket money, my UK travel plan and now my vacation at work.
Its 5pm here, January 12th, 2011, I am here typing this entry, where I should have been in Bahrain in Transit, trying to check out city before heading to London. As I am writing this, I am getting emotional, thinking why is it always me? I have gone through so much, have struggled so much. With all the struggle, tackling all the obstacles, today I have reached here. And this drama does not seem to be over and its just getting even worse.
Meeting my family and good old frens from school were fun. So, I landed home on Dec 27,2010. I was excited being home, but at the same time, I was missing someone. I had 'you' in my mind all the time. The first thing, I wanted to do was to call you and ask, how are you feeling? As soon I got the first chance I did, I stayed awake for the power to come back at midnight, sneaked with my brother and called you.
Being able to talk to definitely felt good. It made it better because I had to sneak. Everyone else was sleeping except me and my youngest brother. I started calling like crazy at that hour, and to my surprise, you didn't pick up the phone. So, I went to bed after writing few lines of email to you and my goal next day was to call you. And I did, I got scolding too from my parents for staying on the computer for so long when the tea was ready and everyone was having tea. I had to keep disconnecting the call, since mom dad kept coming to interrupt. They knew I was talking to you and they wanted to see who this person is, funny as it is. I better stop it right here, before its gets too long...
I didn't get a good sleep and was about to get up. At 7.11am, I got a call from a friend, I thought why would he call me this early morning. I was told my account has been hacked. I didn't think how serious it had got until I tried to access it.
I couldn't login to my account, and nothing seemed to work for it. Later found out, everyone might have got the same email as well. I feel sad that I can't access my account, since I've been using that account for so long. I guess don't know why I became the victim of it.
This is why there is a saying 'Never say Never'.
Last weekend, due to the snow storm, stores, malls and streets were empty. No one could move properly without slipping, sliding and getting stuck in the snow.
So, yesterday I went out to stop, started my trip in Kohls for suitcase. The roads were so busy, almost felt like a weekday traffic. The one I liked was $199 a piece, too expensive. I know its Samsonite, one of the good brands but I didn't want to spend that much. I bought shirt, sweater, socks, candles and headed out to the Library. I dropped off the book, movies, came home, ate my lunch and headed to Target store.
Oh man, again so much traffic on the road. I bought what I needed. So, I went to Sears to check out the luggage. I found some, but I didn't find the one I liked. I decided to check out the same luggage set in Kohls. I went back, checked out couple of, bought and came home. I was tired, checked the suitcase. I noticed the bigger suitcase doesn't have much support on the back, like my older one. I was debating now what to do.
At sharp 8am, I reached work. I booted my computer, and read news for few minutes and work. But, the day didn't go at all as planned. It suddenly became so busy and nothing could be done. I canceled the lunch plan and went to the airport to pick up a friend too. But, later I got to hear things from the same friend. I felt bad but you know this is what I always get. Oh well, during the day, I couldn't get anything done.
Its 8:01pm,feeling down, and also waiting for laundry to get done too. After that, I will just read some news and go to bed.
Wine, Shrimp Lomein, was a good dinner. It was a good evening after all. On top of that, a little surprise dessert substitute for a 'Cake', made it special.
We had the second big storm starting Friday night till Saturday evening in the cities. Entire night, every couple of hours, checked the snow outside but Saturday morning. When I looked out on Saturday morning, it was unbelievable, blowing snow, everything was white. It had been showing for over 12 hours.
It was frustrating to see so many empty spots in the garage and yet that woman had said, there is not a single spot open. Stupid stupid stupid. So, around 1:30pm, we were shoveling with our hands to take out the Mercedes from that piled up snow. Luckily, its a 4WD, and got out in one shot.
I think this is one of the boring entries I have written, nothing interesting.
I like the Company Meeting at the Doubletree hotel and the Company Holiday Party. Its nice to have something at the end of the year, after all the party is fun.
I am worried but yet feel good. And now I am excited too since I just saw my UK Visa has been issued. Its exciting, now I am waiting for 'you' to come so I can share with you darling.
Despite the weather, we made it safely to the Ballroom. I am glad you had a good time tonight, I was a little worried thinking you might get bored. Although I knew you would enjoy, but I had a little bit of what if. It was nice mingling with different people, some I have never even met before. Overall,was a nice party. And I liked wearing my new dress from Macy's by JS Boutique along with new jewelry from JCPenny by Worthington, and peep toe by Guess from DSW shoes.
When I asked you the question, I got the exact answer I was expecting. But we talked the things out, which changed how I felt. I am glad you told me how you felt when I said what I said. But I am happy today that we spent the past two evenings together. And tonight, you will be at your friends and I will be at my friends. I am sure someday, we will go together to..., I wish, look forward to it and I know it will happen one day.
Looking at the very cold weather, I am a little bit worried since its a little bit far for this kinda weather. I also have another invitation to a very good friends place, since I had already said I am coming to another friend, we are instead having Momo for dinner Saturday. Overall, I am happy getting to spend time together and of course, eating momo last night.
Here is a picture of the dish 'momo', picture taken from Wikipedia.
Time passed so quickly, remember hearing 'My friend is throwing a new years party', and now its the end of November. There is no relevance on what was being said though.
I got off work really early today, our office was closed due to weather condition. Right now, I am here writing this entry, sitting on the chair with a bad headache. Thought it would go away but after shower but it remained.
I don't know why it feels different, different which is hard to explain and I don't even know what I am trying to say here. My fingers are typing and I am letting it to type freely whatever it wants. I wish you didn't have class and we spend the entire long weekend together. But, I am happy I get to see you tomorrow and day after. Sometimes things just reminds me of my loneliness. And I know you are/will be there for me when I need.
Hoping tomorrow's weather won't be as bad as its been predicted.
This week has been pretty stressful due to configuration issues. I finally figured out the problem on Tuesday but on Wednesday found out, it has broken something else. So, I started troubleshooting. As I walk in Thursday morning, I was told what I had fixed is not working anymore. And early morning, I had to listen to two different frustrated people.
I spent the entire day, troubleshoot the issue, if one thing works another would break. After spending the entire day, my mind had stopped working.
And today, being Friday, I am happy because now I can go home and relax a bit. Of course there are different things running in my mind, but at least I don't have to fix the issues I had been having with the new 64-bit VMs.
Its 4.19pm, I am writing this entry at work and I am so ready to head home, I want to do something but with you. It seems like you are busy with work too. Hopefully tomorrow, but I know I will watch the movie, relax and enjoy alone. And also will wish, you are here with me.
To be continued...
But, at 9.20 pm suddenly it got planned again and we went to watch the movie. It sure was a good movie. I am not a huge fan of Denzel Washington, but it was overall a good movie. Every minute you wondered, whats going to happen next, oh my god, is anyone going to get hurt? Are they going to get it done? etc etc. One stupid person's stupidity can harm affect so many people's lives, it can definitely move the world upside down.
And officially Twin Cities winter started, it snowing outside and supposed to get about 6-8 inches.
I knew every thing will be fine but I couldn't help. Right when the countdown of drinking 24oz of water started, I started feeling even more nervous. I reached there at around 3pm and after 2 hours of wait, found out things are fine right now, it was a big relief.
Limala limala wonaa aley limala limala lyaha woya. Naktini thyongu thheyn cho,sunti sirayka lyahaa:n na way dhuna.
Like every year, I was in TX for the festival. Its nice being there for few days. Getting back to the point, every year, when I go to TX, other than my work and place, I don't have another real good reason to want to come back. If I didn't, I don't think, it would have matter much. However, I don't think my employer would have liked that but still.
It was definitely different this year. I didn't have to worry about my midterms after coming back from the celebration. This year, I had a real good reason wanting to come back and that solid reason is 'you'. Of course, you were in my mind last year, but it was different.
When I left Friday, other than festival,meeting family and friends, I had one thing in my mind, 'you'. The whole time I was there, I unknowingly missed you which is why I called you everyday, just to hear your voice.
Today on the flight back, I was sad to leave my brother, sister and cousins. But in a way, I was happy and anxious thinking, I get to see you in few hours. I was extremely tired and in back pain, but excitement of seeing you, gave me energy.
And after taking Light Rail and walking few blocks in Nicollet Mall, I reached the library. I had one and half hour, I made a good use out of it. After reading newspaper, looking at Kija Puja pictures and then reading old texts messages between us, the clock ticked 9pm. At 9.03pm, I got a message, Where you @?Lets go home.
I was like woohoo, the wait is over, now I can go home and relax with you by my side. And just when I was going to walk, you were standing in front of me with a smilebrought smile on my face. And of course, after wards, having dinner sitting next to you in Buca, talking felt great. Do you feel the same?
But, because my back is been hurting due to lack of sleep, I feel like getting sick again. Last night, after work I was so tired, I went to bed before 7.30pm.
Right now I am so tired, I can't wait to get inside the plane and take 2 hour nap almost entire flight time.
To be continued....
One of the places, I have been thinking of going to is UK. So, I have been thinking from the past 5 years but this year, I decided to apply for visa. I had a plan to go last August, I had to choose between spending the one month we had together without your class or travel to UK. I chose to spend the month together with you instead. I am happy I did so.
I finally submitted my application and now waiting for the appointment. If everything goes as planned, I will be able to make it to UK this year or in the next 6 months till the visa is valid. I am excited. Good luck to me.
So, finally end of last week, I got an email confirmation about my interview for Tuesday November 2nd,2010. I knew what to expect but I was a bit worried. On top of that it wasn't the best drive to reach U but I made it. As soon as I drove off and took 394, the GPS fell off. I had a little bit of challenge on the road but I made it.
Soon, it was 3pm and myself and another female candidate were waiting to be interviewed. She went in and it was my turn. I hadn't prepared much but I was comfortable talking about what I do, why I do and experience etc. But,when he asked me to write the code, I had the logic, but writing in paper, it didn't click. He helped me but I felt embarrassed. The interview was over by 4pm and now will see what will happen. It all depends upon my luck, whether I will be called for second round of interview. Whichever way, I am glad I got an interview with Microsoft, its a good experience since not everyone gets to get interviewed by Microsoft.
Basically, with all the challenges I made it to the interview and came back home safely too. However, after the interview not being able to find my car in the lot was definitely stressful. But, again, like I mentioned above, I made it through.
When I started it, I had no clue what I was going to write about. When I look back and read all those entries from the past 5 years, some seem stupid, funny, some emotional, sad etc.
I wonder what would I have done, if I didn't have this blog, where would I have expressed all my feelings, the feelings which sometimes I can't express to anyone or don't want to express.This is the place, where I can write freely, where I can write my mind out.
Today's day was okay, however even after 5 years, on this day today, I have back pain.
I think I have reached to the point in my life, I feel isolated these days. I spent almost a decade hanging out with friends from different country which now seem to have negative affect. I do not however regret hanging out with those friends. On top of that, I tend to have very very minimal female friends.That adds up to negative affect thing I just mentioned above. We hung out, we celebrated different festivals, cooked, hung out and it was fun.
But, I right now, things have changed and every one but me is isolated. Its kinda like I have been boycott from the group, not because I did anything wrong, but things just have changed. I feel sad when realize what has happened. And then there is one, who does not want to.........
Why are some people so reserved? Definitely makes you think, makes you feel/realize that no matter how close you are, you are going to be still far apart because of the reserve quality.
And sometimes I think, what would I do or have done, if I didn't have my blog, there are times, I can't express the thoughts,feelings and that's when my blog helps. I don't know who reads it, but I write my mind out, because this is where I express my feelings without speaking the words but by using those very words and publish it by clicking on 'Save' button.
Thaun ya Jya Jho taskan hey nheypus chonka suru jula. Wookey yau kaaran, Jhigu Sa:jya jho nhyo, Nepali Programey, newa bhaye yau Lisa: nhyongu ney kha.
A week back, I got an email, the subject line was 'Invitation to Interview with Microsoft @....'. I was excited to see the email. I had to reply to the email after taking care of few things. I filled up the form, sent my updated resume and let them know time I am available for the interview. After everything, now I don't know how to prepare because I don't know what they are expecting. Hoping to do the interview well, then will see what happens but it definitely will be a good experience interviewing with Microsoft.
I didn't see it coming at all, but it did and this is where I am right now. I can't explain how I felt that moment, all I know is I was angry and shaking, which seldom happens to me. I started the car like wind, put the radio volume super high and drove off. Five mile drive, was like wind to me. On a road of 40m/hr, I found myself going on 60m/hr and I braked before it was too late. I couldn't stop properly on a red light but I made it. It was crazy, luckily I didn't get pulled over, that would have been worse.
I pulled into the garage, I stopped the engine, but the radio was running. I called my sis and I couldn't say much when she asked 'chu jula?'. One Friday evening which turned out to be sadly very unexpected and bad.
After hearing the voice mail, I was little upset, thinking what did I do? Well, its obvious to wonder what did I do, when you haven't done anything bad to that/those individual/s. And you haven't really done anything to harm. But everything was talked out and I felt relief that things are no more 'clear like mud'.
This morning, I reached work, the first thing I saw was,an email in my inbox which surprised me. I read it and thought for a moment and replied to it. This is life, things happen, we do what we can to overcome those, all we have to do is, to stay positive and hope for the best.
Monday October 18th, 2010
Entire week, I had something hurting, or not getting good sleep. Finally the was finally over. Friday night I had few friends over, it was fun. I felt okay Saturday all day and Sunday. Sunday evening, I went to Rainbow foods again to get some fish, that's when I felt like I was getting cold.
Over the night, I was okay and then it was Monday morning and time to go to work. As the morning progressed, I started feeling like getting cold, my eyes didn't want to stay open anymore. By10am, my eyes looked like I was sick with bad cold. My head started feeling heavy. So, I decided to come home.
After eating some food, I slept for the next 3 straight hours. I don't ever remember sleeping when I get sick but yesterday definitely was different. Around 3pm, went to Lutherside VW to have them take a look my car, as it was making after the tire rotation. The service manager drove the car, after hearing the noise, he told its due to tires being in the back for a long time.
The noise either will go away or might stay, but nothing to worry. It can't be the ' ', ugh I can't remember what he said now. But he did say, if the noise gets worse, bring it in, otherwise don't worry. I came home, ate something and lied down, watched a little tv and went to bed at 8pm.
Tuesday October 19th, 2010
Thought staying home, sleeping and resting would make me feel better today. But I was wrong, at 6.30am, when I woke up, I was feeling worse then yesterday. I had coughed during the night and I could feel the pain in my ribs, I didn't think I could go to work so wrote 'out sick' email.
This would be the first time I have ever taken sick leave two days in a row. I don't feel good still, hopefully will be able to get to work tomorrow. Left side nostril feels like little burning, eyes want sleep but can't fall asleep, feels like getting headache too. And now I am hungry and I don't know what to eat.
Monday October 4th, 2010
This is my fourth EAS conference and the first time on the first day, stayed for dinner and Casino night. I was excited to be able to hang out there. I guess apart from not being in school this year, I also drove myself, which made things much easier and flexible. I didn't have to leave or arrive when the other person wanted to, so I was happy.
I reached in Sheraton at around 8.30am on Monday, it was perfect timing after all that traffic on 394 and 100. The morning session went alright, then lunch. Oh the best part about lunch was, they had enough food for me. There I was thinking, its going to be another lunch, where I might have to eat Salad or something stupid. Dinner menu was Caesar salad, Penne Pasta with roasted Red pepper and mushroom, Fettuccine Alfredo Pasta with Chicken. The Penne Pasta was so tasty and yummy looking. I didn't bother to look at the dessert however.
I thought the lunch was good, dinner wasn't bad either. Dinner menu was Seafood pasta salad with Shrimp and crab, some green salad, creamy mushroom soup, creamy potato soup. Dessert was some chocolate things, I didn't bother to go have, but Jill offered me one and I ate a chocolate from her plate. After wards Casino night, 'Lets ..Poker' was fun too.
Tuesday October 5th, 2010
I worked till 3pm and headed to Sheraton to attend the 4pm session. I reached early so attended the 'two way' session. It was alright, then was the CBC session. After wards, Joan and myself went to the bar, talked and hung out with Cybectec EAS people. It was fun talking, drinking, hanging out. Afterward was dinner, Joan and myself stayed on the same table and talked for a bit too. The dinner for me wasn't the great but I had some green salad, with Pasta salad and had some baked/roasted type potatoes. It wasn't bad and the had the carrot cake/pie something. It was good though.
At around 7pm, we both got out from the hotel and headed home. Around 7.30pm, I reached home and I was so super tired, so ready to go to bed. I finally made it to bed around 9pm, after talking to mom dad. I think this is the best EAS Conference for me. Mainly, because I drove myself and it was flexible, I got to leave whenever I wanted, hang out with whoever I wanted to.
My head definitely feels like have a huge weight on top of my head. I can't seem to be able to get over it. I want to be nowhere, may be nowhere to be found. I want to just stay quiet, but again whether I stay quiet or not quiet, nothing seems to help me.
The fell asleep good last night but when I woke up at 2.30 or so, I started thinking again, over and over. I don't want to think but it keeps coming back. I saw bad dreams afterwards too, but that didn't bother me as much as the thought I have been having. And I debated few times before I took 169 this morning, the whole time I was on the road, I was thinking about the same thing.
Sometimes sadly, I wish I could go back to last year before..... or may be before that even. May be today, things would have been different. Different may be not the exact way, I wanted it to be, but still nothing like what I wanted or expected it to.
After talking to my friend, I felt a little better. Came home, doing laundry, may be I will feel better. Hopefully a new month tomorrow will bring some great things in life. Optimist as usual no matter what, hoping for the best.
I am confused, not sure what I should do, where should I turn for help. I feel so helpless, I know I can help myself, but again if I help the way, I think I should, that would hurt so much. I have reached at a point in my life that I can't deny the fact either. Why is this so hard? After a long wait, this happened but I guess the wait didn't seem to help.
Below my right knee on the right side, its been hurting, to be precise it the muscle. I am not sure why its hurting but all I know is, I feel pain. I have not been running due to that. The pain is not that bad, but yesterday after sitting at work, the way it hurt, made me walk like I have a problem with my leg or something.
Today I still feel the pain, but I had to run. I couldn't let pain like that stop me. So,I ran straight for 2 miles, 4.5 miles per hour with incline 3. I wanted to run at least 3 miles straight but I couldn't. Instead after 27-28 minutes of run, I started walking 3.5miles per hour. So, spending 60 minutes in treadmill felt good.
Right away, I picked up the call, and we ended up talking for long, over an hour. By that time, it was almost 2am, and I couldn't fall asleep anymore. Then a text was composed and sent, got a reply after an hour.
So, like every Sunday, I was waiting to go to Farmer's Market with him. I didn't hear anything last night, but even then I woke up at 8.30 am, did some work to make breakfast. I went to bed thinking may be, I will hear from him. I got good sleep till almost 10.30am. I quickly made breakfast, and it was the best toast omelet ever. Mouth is watering now. I got fresh and headed to the Market. I felt odd since I always go with him. I got some grocery what I wanted and headed to Kohls. I bought the decorative pillows that I needed. Put the pillow, they looked great on Blair. I had my lunch and again went out. Spent almost all day outside.
Now, its time to head to his place to give him some fruits. TBD..................
At one point, told myself, what did I get myself into, oh my god.Not because I had to do training, but because there were no female and when I didn't see mannequin, I was like OO. But it all worked out fine.
Anyways while listening to Jagjit SIngh's ghazals,ran across this collection song, whoever did this, has done a good job, almost all songs, I listen to...
I am not sure what the problem is, but I've been feeling tired, and feels like getting sick for the past week. Am I not getting sleep because the bed changed or is it something else. What is it? What? I think I need to start running again,start going to gym again, might help me fall asleep good. I can't get anything done, and I can't do anything, what's going on with me. This is getting annoying.
Overall, regardless of not very good sleep, the evening went pretty good watching the old Wall Street movie. And the moment was special.
Yesterday wasn't my day, things were not working right. It wasn't that bad, but after lunch, somehow I got cold. I couldn't figure out how. The later it got, I started sneezing more and more, cold started hitting me. And I had the Twins game to go with him. I at one point thought, I wish the game would get canceled since its raining and cold. But it stopped raining and day got little better in the later part of the afternoon.
Before the game, we went to a restaurant where we had one of the worst food haha. We both were like, now we know why this restaurant is empty.
We made it to the game, it wasn't an exciting game, since Kansas City Royals kept getting strike out, after strike out. They couldn't score with Twins. But it was fun to watch Twins win. As always spending time with you, brought smile on my face. And of course, after the game was nice, watching Family Guy and Seinfeld. Somehow has become a routine watching those together with you.
First time, watching American football in the stadium was fun. I enjoyed it. After wards walking almost 14 blocks in downtown Minneapolis at at night was nice too. Getting back to point, knowing that I am going to be alone, I have a little bit of sad feeling inside of me.
Few of my friends, whom I talked to have plans, well what was I thinking right. Of course, everyone will have plans, I am a stupid one, who didn't plan to get out, somehow this is what happens to always. There are things, I have planned what I will do, will see. I will try to make it fun and productive as much as I can.
However, the truth right now though is, right now, I just want to sit on my couch, watching movies.
'Julie and Julia' and then may be more.......
As always, specially the flying out of city plan. There were things I had to think about and I didn't plan ahead. Now, I can't fly out, should've may be. Now its all about should've could've but nothing.
I think I should do some productive work, enjoy the time alone myself. But I again worry 'Will I be really bored?'. Everyone around spend the time with family, friends and their loved ones. But I am going to be alone. Starting Friday evening to Monday night, going to be tough. After wards, I will try to start caring about it less.
I wish I just fly out. However, sometimes being alone and doing nothing is just the most fun thing to do, but when its a long weekend, its just not easy to think that way.
You think about it and end up seeing a huge '?' I guess this is why its called life. Almost the end of the week, is it exciting or not. In a way, it is but again its not at the same time. Its Friday and get to see to and go to Salsa, but again this leaves us with 1 more week of spending time together without have to worrying about class, studies, paper, assignment, exams etc etc..
Thinking about where I was, how I was feeling.And a year from that, where I am and how I am feeling.Last year, it was a whole different kinda day and this year jt was different, great, greater than ever.
Having my brother and good friend by my side for support, help and many other people. Can't write details but its all on my head which will always remain as a memory. The pain, the joy of procedure going fine, the all sorts of feeling everything.
Never thought the way I am feeling is how I will feel some day but I do and its nothing like how I have thought it would be. And every time sad, lonely, depressing thoughts come, I start thinking about everything, mostly the stuff, that would make me think more, more than I ever want to.
One of the things I think about is, 'Why is there a huge wall between after everything?' Do I just feel this way? I wish I did, but the truth is the huge wall exists between. I am not sure why it exists, only if I get the clear answer would help but, silence is what I get mostly. Why is it taking time to go away? It bugs me when I think about it, takes days to get over and something happens comes back so quickly, even thought I don't want it to ever. I don't get answer and I end up with same question 'Why?'
After talking a little, I think me feeling down/depressed is little fading away. This is life and is it the quarter life crisis I am having, as J.Walter, one of my friends mentioned. But again when is the wall going away, is there a way to move that wall.
Am I getting depressed? It happens so easily, I don't like this but keeps happening again and again. I was all fine and then bam something hit me and now I feel depressed, I don't know what is this, I don't know why this happens.
Things are bothering me, bothering me again and again, what am I gonna do to myself? Oh god, depression hit is what I am saying.
Well its Saturday afternoon, sunny and hot outside and my Passat is sitting in the heat for the first time after a very long time. Poor Passat, its garage is under construction. Off and on, I look at the say, my Passat must be feeling so hot right now haha...sounds so crazy.
This entry is written out of frustration, as you all readers will notice.
Its a Friday morning and guess how my day started, with an argument, I know I shouldn't have said what I said but it made sense a bit why I said what I said.
Anyhow, here is what I want to write. We all are humans and we all know we are not perfect,. We all have some problem, imperfection, some are selfish, some are too good, and some never see their fault. I am writing about the kind who never see their fault. Why? People do things for each other, friends, family because they care, but when you are mad and/or in the future, you cant' tell someone this is what they did for you.
If the person has requested begged, that make sense, but still blaming is something I will not agree. When you do something for someone, you have a choice whether to do it or not. You decide to do, for which you definitely can't blame the other person for years, saying this is what I did for you.
My point is, you have a choice whether to do or not, if you don't want to, you can always say 'NO', if you can't say no, you cant blame the other person either, period. But no matter how smart,wise, educated the person is, if the habit is to blame, that will never go away. Every,one of us, need to learn to admit own fault. That's a must, but when you find people who can't that just gets really hard. And they also do not want you to clarify what you are trying to say, because they do not wan tot listen but just say what they think is right, which is so wrong.
Please feel free to leave comment whether you agree or disagree. I am sure at some point, each of us, has run into this and we think, why is he/she, the way he/she is.
Constantly keeps coming on my head, I need to do something and get over this. Life is so unpredictable, I am feeling isolated and that could be the reason for it. Could it or could it not be?
It not that, I never think/thought about it, but at least the past few days,its been often in my mind. Am I worthless?Am I worthless?Am I worthless?What am I doing?I am not sure of it anymore.Where has my life pointed to?Again,not sure anymore.
Of course, things happen for a reason and I am getting lost, confused,not sure of anything anymore.I need to step up,overcome my fears, hurdles,stand somewhere. I am getting scared, I am losing that 'me'.Sometimes I feel like I am reaching nowhere. And I do know that I need to help myself but,I've not been able to. Everything just seems to be so......What do I do?
I was sleeping nicely, all of a sudden I woke up and I found myself scared and very lonely.
I do not recall feeling like that. Of course, at times you see dream, scary dreams and you get up in the middle of night, find yourself alone and awake.
But it somehow was different last night. I was bit scared to close my eyes. After wards, millions of thought started to come to my mind. The decision, the friendship, every thing you can possibly think of. I finally fell asleep after may be about half hour 45 minutes. But, when I woke up, it felt like another dream how I had felt. But the truth was, it wasn't a dream but had really happened. I had actually felt that way.
I felt so lonely, I remembered I also missed a friend very long time. Now, the circumstances has changed, of course this is life and things keep changing. But, makes you feel sad at times. And I woke up feeling ......
Thought it was a bad day, what I just heard made me really feel it was not a bad day but one of the worst days of my life. When I heard it, It hurt, and yes it hurt really bad, but I gotta stay strong and do what I gotta do.
I knew I had to get up very early Friday morning to drop my friend to the Station. I woke up may be around 4.20 am. Made sure my friend is awake, got ready, took a small nap and headed to station 5.20 am.
It was pouring heavily, good that I didn't drive. Friend got off at Govt Plaza station, now it was my turn to take control of steering wheel. I didn't know how bad it was until this very moment. Even with GPS, I took a wrong turn. Next thing I know is, I see Hennepin, not knowing downtown streets, was a little worried, on top of that it was dark. I saw 'DejaVu' and so I knew 394 was right there.
Lanes were not clear, with the glasses it was hard and rain didn't make any easier. When I was merging the lane, with speed and heavy rain, unclear lane, I was scared, holding onto the steering tighter than I normally do.Bus was on the left, and cars were left and right, luckily there was not much traffic that helped.
And soon it was over, I took the 169N exit and was home in few minutes. Got home at 6am, got ready,came to work and by 6.52am, I was at work.
Updating this entry to write, my day went okay. The evening however went great. Getting to see you, was the best part of the day.
After a stressful last year, I decided what I decided, luckily everything went fine. Again, I have started to feel weird in my stomach from last week. I am thinking again, getting worried and I don't know, I don't even want to make a call to setup appt. I am scared, but it could be me, thinking about it too much, and that's all....
After three years, I had an eye-exam today and it went pretty good as I thought. My vision has changed very little, and everything else is good. After wards to went to get the Maldive Fish and some other spices and then to do the paper work in the new apartment complex.
Just 3 more weeks to go and things will change, wow. Little excited and little scared as it should I guess...
I was fine until a friend of mine asked me a question and 'bam', my head got completely messed up after that. All day at work, I was thinking about it, when I got home, I felt worse. But as soon as I reached home, one of my friends called me. Since we both are walking on Saturday in our Graduation, we both started talking about it and yes we are excited.
She was asking me how I was doing and all. That's when I told her how I was feeling. After talking to her, felt better. I went to gym, walked 3 miles as other two days, wanted to walk, until I fell but I couldn't do that either. Stayed in the gym for few minutes thinking about it, but it wouldn't go away. What to do? I hate when I feel this way, it keeps happening to me, but why me always? This is the question I always ask, but again lucky one happens to be 'me' always.
Sometimes I feel like...........
Other than, I feel down. At work also, didn't get much accomplished these two days, feels bad about it. I am working on the Head First book assignment, but do I have the motivation. Umm..may be a little but my mind and heart are asking for something that I am not sure what. Or may be I know what it is. I wish, I wish and I wish and stay with that hope.
Btw today, I picked up my gown, cap and tassel. I wore it on after I got home, felt good, I am done with grad school. Wow, now what is next, hehe.Wish mom dad were here but, bajema's being gone is more important. Oh well, anyway what am I writing.
Seriously I think I need to get away from here for few days. Checking tickets online too but where is the question. I wrote to a friend about CO, but haven't heard yet. Because I do not want to end up alone here, of course 'you' won't care.
Between I am posting a picture of Kobe from yesterday game with Phoenix, Score was W 128 - 107. I am looking forward to tomorrow's game, hope Lakers will play good like last night and will beat Phoenix Suns, Wohoo...
Unfortunately, it was too early to get up. It was Ren, she sounded different. Before I said anything she said, "Anjan Mommy manta;". I was speechless, I just said huh!! All I could tell her was, don't cry Ren, I wish you were there, but what can we do. This is the worst part when you reside out of the country. You can only wish some things, specially times like this.Dad had called her from the hospital to let her know that Bajema has passed away.
She kept crying over the phone, saying I was going to call her today. I couldn't see her in the last moment. After talking for few minutes, Ren hung up. I told her what she should do and shouldn't. I then was wide awake, thinking about bajema, it hit me after sometime and tears started falling. Remembered the things she had said and all other stuff. This is life, the way it started, after everything it has to stop too. All we can do is, drop tears when our loved ones are gone away from us.
This is the similar to when chheyn bajema passed away in 2005, couldn't do much, thought about her, and dropped tears, thinking couldn't be there to see her in her at the last moment...
Professor Tran let us go early today because its so nice out. But, guess what am I doing. I am in the same classroom, sitting and searching in the net for help on Ruby on Rails. I have the homework due tomorrow and still searching for help online.
This sounds crazy but its the truth. I've never been in situation like this before. This is scary, very scary and stressful with no doubt. Professor keeps asking me hows the class, are you learning? I keep telling him the same thing over and over, yes I am learning but this is not my field or something I do in day to day life. Its hard for me, but I am trying my best. I am learning enjoying too but its just hard for me. He says, you will do fine, make sure read notes, book and do case studies properly.But, 'you will do fine' makes you feel little relief but again what if, or I don't know how the final is going to look like.
Scariest feeling ever. When I tell people, I am graduating this semester, there are few who keeps telling me, 'You are lucky'. I ask myself lucky and me, I want to tell those who say 'You are lucky', you have no clue how much stress I am under. Be on my shoes for a moment or a day, you will know and feel really really lucky.
This is my story about my last semester taking classes, with risk and risk. I am positive that both classes will go fine, but again there is a little bit of 'what if' keeps coming to my mind. It does put me under a lot of pressure and stress but hey 3 weeks more, I will be done. Scary as it is.....
I have been working on this thing from a week. Seems like everyone else got it but me. I have reached to the point that I want to call it QUIT, but I can't do it either. I am sick and tired of it. But, its not clicking on my head, I mean I know how it I should make it work, logic but I can't make it work.
I am so frustrated, disappointed at myself that I don't know what I should do. Spending time is not helping, researching not helping, this is just extremely frustrating......
Knowing that I might be the only one didn't get this, feels even worse. I hate this, how much more frustration left.
I do not want it to be Monday, but its going to be we all know. Clock has to tick, time has to move and life has to go on. But, all I know is I am not ready for work yet. I need few more days off so I can relax, get lazy 'cha naapa'. Last week, I worked 3 days and had 4 days off including Saturday Sunday. Now I just wish, it wasn't Monday yet. Because its not just work, I also have to attend classes.
I don't mind doing homework, project and studies but I don't want to attend classes either. But whether I want to or not, I have to. Uff...
I was reading BBC today and saw a news about Aung Sang Su Ki 'Suu Kyi's NLD party to boycott Burma election'. I read few lines and decided to stop instead.
That's when I thought I should write something about her. I have been reading about her for the past couple of years. I am not sure how and why I started reading, but the only thing I remember is, she is been in house arrest for 14 years. She wasn't allowed to see her husband for years and when he passed away, she didn't see him. Her kids live in UK now and she hasn't seen them since she is been in house arrest.
Reading multiple articles about her, just made me feel sad and thought something I should write. I feel bad for her, in her own country, by the Junta she is living a life like that. She is an educated women, who I think wants to do something good for her country.
Getting back to the point, the Homework for Ad.Web this week was much harder than I thought it would be. I spent over 12-15 hours. Yesterday, after work when I started to work on it, I could tell, my vision was blur. At that point, I just wanted to close my eyes and fall asleep. But, did I have the pleasure?
Well after working till about 7pm, I went and cooked some dinner instead and worked on it till past midnight and sent the homework. And right now, I am feeling so sleepy that "mikha pallusay chona wo:la".
I'm not a quitter which is why its extremely hard to say "I give up" and or "give up" on something. But, this week I have reached to that point I want to say it.
As a matter of fact, I even said it once today, I didn't mean it however. I am so stressed out, I want to go somewhere very quiet, stay alone and think about nothing. Ummm, may be about you, that will bring smile on my face...
I can't think anymore....
And I am already so tired. I went to attend class yesterday and today, I am extremely tired right now. The past few days has been so stressful, I can't explain. As I have mentioned in my previous entry, this is my last semester and not being able to decide or find an interesting class has been extremely stressful to me.
Oh lord, why this much stress? To be continued if I get time.........
I just wish, I was somewhere where I don't have to think and worry about anything but just stay relax.Do nothing, but nothing. I think mostly I am feeling this way is because my classes are not finalized which is putting myself in stress, on top of that, not being able to go to class myself is another stress.
Sometimes second thoughts come to my mind and I ask myself, should I do this? Then again I will get more questions, many more questions that I would ever want anyone to ask
I am just in a situation where I can't decide. At least if my classes were finalized, I would have felt less stressed than now.
School started today. I dropped today's class and now have to decide among the rest of the three courses. I am clueless on three courses however. Every single class looks so hard, I am worried.
Internet working Architecture
Advance Web Application and Development
All are advanced graduate courses and I am not sure about any of the courses. I want to take the Advance Web Application and Development but, when I looked at the Syllabus, I feel its going to be really tough. I am scared I won't be able to do work well to get good grades, however, without attending the first class its hard to judge.
I am really scared, this is my last semester and I just want to do well with interesting classes. Sometimes I feel like not taking class this semester but again its really not a good solution.
What do I do? Scared, messed up and in not good condition......
Well may be something about next week. While @ work, I decided to login and check the classes. I saw one of the classes Syllabus, that's when I realized, I am going to get my butt kicked. Oh lord, I was excited a little and not excited about class being started but now I am not sure how I feel about class starting.
I just wanted my last semester to be easy going, but I am registered for all advanced courses, which are not going to be easy at all. And aaetabar gabaley jue dhaka piya chona :)
But, it was a hungry day for me. I ate pretty much same amount like I do during weekdays, but I was hungry since I had lunch instead. After work came home, ate a little now sitting in front of the computer talking to Renchha. I am ready to hit the gym, but haven't headed yet. I am a little tired but I should at least go work on legs, biceps, thighs and abs.....
It sure was relaxing but, there was something else going on behind my head. I didn't think I would feel that bad but I did.
Well, that's why we call this life. Ups and downs, feeling happy and sad keeps happening. Even though didn't do anything, I at least am looking forward to watch Brothers and Sisters on abc tonight.
Weather is not good, which is making me feel like I have "cloud" on top of my head. Feels like have a slight headache, want to do something, but can't concentrate. I hope weather will be better tomorrow, at least get to see some sunshine, if not no cloudy weather please.
I have been tired and wanted to rest rest and rest but now its Friday night. I feel like I want to go out. But, again I want to stay home. Chanta lumanka chona ka baru. Well, hopefully what I am thinking will work out.
I am starting to have second thoughts now, but is that the solution for it. Running away from things, but again, I know how messed up situation I am in. Why does it happen to me always? Being good is just not enough. Some people just think that only they have done good things but no one else. How can someone be that immature?
I just want to this week to be over and do nothing and just be somewhere, where no one can find me.
I don't know what I should do anymore. I am in messed up situation.
However, something I should write here is, I had an interesting morning today. I went blank what I should do at that time. Funny, funny, funny, can't write the details here though.
And the fun times will go away, so I have to enjoy as much as I can, spend time as much I can. Its good right now, could be better hehe....
The year 2009 didn't end the way, I had planned. Once again, I was thinking and this time it was bad. I was upset, feeling insecure a little bit and everything else. After I talked to one of my friend, that made me feel even worse. But I tried my best to stay smiling, talking as if I was feeling normal.
Well, today is the first day of 2010. I have done few stuff today, my workout went good and overall, I did wait all day. I have hope and with that hope still waiting, waiting to hear from you. The day is over because its already dark outside even though its only 5:16pm. However, I am looking for a better evening and better days ahead of me.
Have few stuff on my plate to get done and things to discuss. Hopefully I will be able to accomplish all. And including plans, wishes etc....
What am I writing right now, I myself am clueless.
Now what is next? Finish up paper for Information Retrieval class, then IR final and the Tech.Comm final. Hopefully every thing will go well. It would be great.
That's all for now.....
Currently, I am finishing Grad School in Software Engineering. And I know what I want to do next. I have been in school almost all my life and at this point, I want to take at least, 1 year of break before I decide to go for MBA. However, I have started to feel tired of being in school. Currently, I am working full-time and full-time school, its hard, I mean its just hard, can't explain more. Work load doesn't let me do much so whenever I get chance, I go on vacation, travel etc etc....
Now, I am getting lost here, the reason I started this entry was for a reason. Do I still remember it? Hmmm....looks like I do. All of us are good and bad at different things. Some people are good at writing, some are at communicating, etc etc.At least in my case, I know I am not good at writing especially when it comes to summarizing, writing technical papers, Ph.D stuff. Oh lord, Ph.D, Did I just say Ph.D?
Well, from the past couple of days, I have started to have this scary thought, feel like I want to do Ph.D. I know I am not a Ph.D Material. The reason I say that is, I am not good at writing, reading the papers and doing all sorts of things. Ph.D is not a joke which I know for fact. But still, its coming in my mind and its one of the scariest thoughts I am having.
I can't think of anything what I want to write in this entry anymore. I better start working on my paper for Information Retrieval "Recommender Systems in E-Commerce".
But I have no intention to go for Ph.D, too much school. Instead I need to think about....
My mind is not in proper place since yesterday afternoon, there is a reason behind it but don't want to share here in my blog. So, this morning too, it was in the same boat. I got ready, headed to work, realized, I wore my ear rings (dangly) but didn't wear the lock which protects it from falling.
I told myself, okay how can it stay safe till almost 10pm tonight. Around noon or little after, I noticed, my right ear does not have the dangly anymore. I was little upset, started looking for it, no luck. I thought okay now I know where it went.
I went to school, came back, and while I was changing I found it, where I found it was the funniest one. I am happy I found it. Finally a happy ending for the day, want something else to end in happiness too, but so far no luck yet. I still have hope, I have my fingers crossed. Here comes Leah email too. haha...
Who knows? What I am doing to do? Time will tell I guess. Yaye masti woi chiz chai, go ju e kwa mawo, ju sa gulli jiu, ji chai mati jaka yana chonigu ka aa...
Well, its good but again its bad. Its bad because there will be a make up session which might let the class go one more extra week than it should. And also we have not discussed much about next assignment and its due in next session. Its a disadvantage to those who have presentation that day on this assignment.
Anyway its a beautiful day, I am just enjoying listening to songs. Soon, will do some studies. However, I made a use of the morning by heading to the gym early morning. I feel lighter ha ha.....
Feels helpless and the feeling is not going away. Hopefully "Dhunga Phorna K Garo chha yahan, mann ko kura kholna garo bho" will make me feel better instead. Have to do something right....
I have to completely review the SRS paper and add stuff if I can. Then the Instruction Manual assignment. I do have some work on Java to get done too. Hopefully Review 4 assignment gets posted by tomorrow, otherwise again will have to do till Friday night, which is not fun to do.For once, I want to relax on Friday night before the class on Saturday.
Oh no, its almost dark and the weekend is over in few hours.
Due to Day Light Saving, we got an extra hour. I got up the same time our mind and body is used to be getting up the same time, regardless we gain or lose an hour.
Made breakfast and had while watching the Formula 1 Car Racing. I haven't watched it for a while and it was amazing to watch the end. It was amazing, I've no words to describe it. :)
After wards took shower, headed to gym while my hair was completely wet. 20 minutes in the Elliptical, 5 laps in the Tread Mill and another 10-15 minutes the machines. Feeling after working out, was priceless.
After a few minutes of relaxation, started working on IR homework. Reading the paper again which I had read yesterday while getting lost over and over. Now, hopefully I will get it done today. And now I am staying positive and hoping I will get more work done and feel good about it. And forget everything that I shouldn't be thinking...
I didn't get much studies done today, only IR notes and little bit of homework. I am now so frustrated with everything. Thinking about everything, I am just feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. I need to breathe. I think I should go to bed may be, get up fresh, work out and start the Sunday. Get more work done. I extra hour and a whole new month starting in less than 3 hours.
I know some of you might think, everyone's life is like this but with my experience, I can tell, its not the same. Those who work hard, never get things straight, makes you work harder to get what you want. I am one of those, so far I have been there many many times ugh....Frustrating at times, annoying as it is and sad of course.
Anyways, just was thinking about something so felt like typing these lines in my blog entry.
Feeling really weird today for some reason. I just had lunch and now feels like I am getting an anxiety attack for no reason. Just want to get done with work and be home. Hoping for some fun but, going to happen or not, god knows......
May be Down by Jay Sean will help me feel good. :)
May be some workout but thats about it. Some fun would be good but...
After celebrating the Sunti nakha:, staying up late nights, finishing assignments, studying for mid-term, getting sick, I am too tired to do anything. I can't motivate myself to work on assignments but just wait for Friday to come.
I want to just spend Friday night doing nothing but relax. I know what I want to do whether it will work or not, god knows..But, will wish for that....
I have had cough and cold the past few days. On top of that when I woke up this morning, I had a terrible headache, thought drinking two Tylenol would help. Unfortunately, this time it didn't work that way. I got ready, went to work, headache was getting worse. Every time I coughed, it seemed to get worse and worse.
Finally after being at work for 6 hours, I decided to head home. I thought not staring at two 19 inch monitors would reduce the pain but I was wrong. While I was home, it hurt so much that two drops of tears fell off. I couldn't even stand or walk, the pain would go up constantly. It felt like worms were moving on my head.
Even with the headache, I decided to do some laundry. While my clothes were getting washed, I did some Yoga and fell asleep for like 10-15 minutes on the floor. When I opened my eyes, my headache had gone down, felt better. Now, I am using the computer again, feels like headache is coming back. May be I should just go to bed. From tomorrow work on assignment and paper after work. And also start work out schedule from tomorrow.
I can't wait to start working out and burn those calories. Even though I have not been eating too much. However, I had some Junk Food today. I had Special K Cereal for breakfast as usual, then had a banana in the lunch time. Around 2.30-3pm, I had two Fish Fillet with hot sauce instead of fat tartar sauce with cheese. I also had some French fries after long time. It felt great to eat some junk food after a long time. Now I feel hungry and may be I should eat a snack and call it a dinner before going to bed.
And as usual waiting...........
I had so much to do, but still I decided to fly to TX. I was overwhelmed thinking how much I have to do when I get back. At the back of my mind, I kept thinking that but it would have been nicer, if I wasn't thinking about that when I was in TX celebrating Sunti.
All of us had fun, the drinks, the food, the ceremonies etc etc.....After coming back though, I had so much to finish. Every day stayed awake past midnight, and the week was busy at work too. Every day, I reached office at 7.30 am, boy it wasn't fun...But now its all over. I hope I will get good grade in my mid-term, even though I know it didn't go well as I thought it would. Good luck to me because I know I studied hard for my exam.
Was in Milacs updating the spreadsheet with the New Feature list, I started feeling weird. It was getting hot too. That's when I told myself, now I can't have another sip of this coffee, because I am already feeling like am having anxiety attack with it. haha.....
Confused now :), will I be able to finish this entry? Where do I start and where do I end not sure....Well, I guess start with my assignments. Thinking about all these assignment dues, was overwhelmed last night. Finally one assignment is almost done, there are 3 more to go. I am scared because there is so much to finish and time is running out and I don't know how to do may be hehe....That's the worst part I think.
Okay that's it for now, I better logout from here before I keep typing nonsense. Btw had an interesting conversation with my brother today. It was fun, the next interesting part is going to be tomorrow.
This is whats going on with me. I have known my friend for a long time but for some reason, everything happens i.e bad, I get blamed for.
I don't even know where to start.
○ Forget to bring something to school/work. "You made me hurry." or "You disturbed me".
○ Don't put me pressure and tell do this and don't do that
○ I didn't hear back from this and that place so and so, because of you
○ I should never listen to you, because this is what happens when I listen to your BS....
For some reason, everything ss my fault. I respect my friend for all the help, but sometimes it feels sad. Because I always worry that whats the next blame I am going to get.
Get stuck in traffic, its my fault because I told let's go. I am just so ready to get out of it. I will blame myself for what I did wrong but don't want to be blamed every time for something I didn't know.
Other times, though my friend is good. But......
I don't know why I got frustrated. If I had been more active, I wouldn't have to be dependent anyway. Feels worthless and stupid but yet frustrated and angry at myself.
I just need to learn to breathe at this point. Anger can do so much damage to everything. Ugh....I just hate this moment right now...Annoying annoying annoying
I have stuff to do for my classes, but I can't gather the motivation to do any work. Is it the fact the its Monday tomorrow and after a month of leave I am going to work or is it.....? I think little bit of both. I think over and over and get no where.
Now the same old schedule will start and have to wait, whole week to wait for a Friday to come. Not that I particularly like Fridays, specially Friday nites, I feel really alone mostly. As long as I am outside, I do not have that problem but when I end up being inside the apt. I just don't like it. Others get excited when Friday comes, not me anymore.The only best part about Friday/nite, is there is no work the next day and no need to get up early and get ready for work.
Whats going on, what gonna happen next? Haha...suspense, getting back to the point, just not ready yet for classes but gotta get myself ready for it. First class is on Thursday, the assignment is already posted and rest of the other stuff.
Well, all this time thinking, have to take it anyway, either way Saturday or Tuesday. Now that I think about it, I want to take Tuesday class instead of Saturday. And now I found that, there are 7 people in the wait list for Tuesday class. And I am telling myself, I am screwed big time I guess.
I just want to make sure Saturday class or Tuesday which ever I ended up taking is the best one. I mean I need to do pretty darn well, gotta keep up with the GPA thing you know hehe......
Good luck to me......TBD
So, far I have been thinking two more weeks but I was wrong. Yesterday Sunny said, isn't it a week after this week. I said no, but then when I thought about the dates, I was like yes you are right. I mean until the real day comes, it feels like too early but after that, it will be normal. Classes will resume, every week, I will go to class, study, do school work and semester will be over soon haha....That just went too fast now...That's not really how the semester gets over though.
Well, hopefully the semester will be good as I had last semester, hopefully its not 4.0, something closer I can get. After this semester, is my last. Thinking about that excites me then I have to start thinking about other stuff. Start making plans, what do I do next, where do I go etc etc etc....How do I make use of this degree? Nothing is easy after all. :)
I was getting ready to leave for airport since my brother is leaving today. Right that time, I got a card on my hand. I looked inside, it was written my name on the envelope. I thought for a second and was like, who sent me this.
I opened the card, read the comments, that just made me feel good. I couldn't stop reading the fun, caring comments. I love it, want to read it again. :) Its nice to know that people care. This is the third thing from my work. The first one was, the flower basket which was pretty surprising to me. I was so happy. After coming home, I received the Get Well Soon card from Joan C. That made me feel good too.
So, far feeling good, things are going alright. I weighed myself and fibroid did weigh couple of lbs. But hasn't even been a week but I have started to feel uncomfortable, frustrated and ......Is it "The fact that I can't drive, go out, walk, workout or is it something else?" I strongly feel its something else.
For the first time in my life, I took a step and not sure where its going now. I do not feel like studying which I should or watch movies. I want to go shop, divert my mind a little or go on a vacation.
By the time, I felt like talking a little bit, it was dark. Different nurses were coming in and going, taking temperature, blood pressure etc. I tried to get up in the evening for a walk, I felt awful due to nausea. I went back to bed. I was crying in pain. My shoulder hurts on the right not sure why. Its hurting, hurting 'aiya ma', 'aiya ma'. Rob the night shift nurse gave me Vicodin. I felt asleep but getting awake every hour or so when nurses were coming in to check on me for temperature and blood pressure. The next day again Beth/Stacey came to check stuff.
The hardest part was nausea, not been able to eat anything but liquid etc. I felt better on Saturday. But by evening, they had to put the 'C.....' again which let me to stay in the hospital for the third day. By the third day, I felt much better, I was able to get up from bed without much trouble, walk more etc. Sunday evening I got discharged and now I am home resting. I am very thankful to all who took care of me, my brother, friend and all the hospital staff. And doctor mentioned that procedure went well, didn't touch the tube which we were worried about.
Good luck to me in the recovery process.
Thursday all day, I was scared, nervous, my stomach was growling. Anything I ate, didn't taste at all. I was worried more than ever. I went to pick up my brother. We came home made some dinner and ate. I couldn't eat after 11.30pm, so I finished dinner later than usual. At 10.30pm, I drank the final sip of water.
I kept the alarm to get up at 4am, took shower and got ready. Then I woke my friend and brother up. We reached Health East St.Johns at 5.30am sharp. The moment that we entered, I got an odd feeling. Not the kinda feeling I ever want to have. I filled up some paper work, the nurse took me to the other area to get ready for the procedure. Slowly it started to feel like, it is actually happening. They did the blood test, urine test, blood pressure, oxygen level, temperature. Everything seemed normal.
Anesthesiologist came to talk to me. Then another came, nurse, doctor everyone. Soon it was 7am. One of the Anesthesiologist IV started for me and put a motion sickness sticker behind my neck. In another few minutes, we were laughing saying different kinda of drugs. Soon, it was time for me to go to the surgery room. By that time, I had already started to feel little sleepy. I remember saying something but also remember reaching the surgery room too. After that in a minute or so, I was blacked out.
In about few hours, I felt like I am awake but not completely awake. The staff kept talking to me, we are going to move you from the bed to another. They said 1,2,3 and they moved me. I then was transferred to my room. I was getting irritated too whenever everyone talked. I couldn't tolerate my brother and my friend talking. I told them shut up, don't talk. I feel like nausea.
It was few weeks back when I said okay and decided to go with it. But now that I think of it, I am scared, worried, nervous, everything. I think it could be one of the reasons, I can't fall asleep, its a guess. It could be true.
This Friday is pre-op and then next Friday is the main day. The more I think about it, I get more scared. I don't want to think about it but I can't stop thinking about it either. But I am still hoping, things will all go fine and I will be fine....
It was a raining dark morning, I thought not sure whats going to happen. By the time, I got out for my mission, rain had stopped. I reached my destination without trouble. I had some question in my mind, asked too. And I said to myself, lets see...And I realized I did a small mistake, rest everything went fine. But I wasn't sure, what would happen, but the result was good...
Thanks to my hondama yaluwa for all the patience...Still more to go though....
I was looking for an email at work on Wednesday afternoon. That's when I found an email with a subject "Party......". date July 1st, 09. At 4pm, there was an announcement, "Wine tasting will start at 4pm on the 11th floor Think Tank". I do not like wine much but the fact of getting together sounded good to me. I joined as all other 39 people did.
Everyone was given a sheet of paper to fill out our wine tasting result. There were rules written in a sheet of paper too. At first, seemed like a lot of work but then thought it would be fun anyways.We all started tasting wine, there were 8 different kinds of wine, red and white. Those wine were divided into 4 different pairs. The first paid tasted good, second was not as good as the first. Third and fourth were red wine and they tasted bad. I could only taste the taste, that's it, threw rest that was left in the glass.
At the end, recognition certificates were handed out to those who had helped and worked on to make the product release successful and go live. One fine late afternoon to remember at work. Thats what I love about my work.
I do not want to talk to anyone about it. I am frustrated, upset, sad and every possible thing I can be but happy. I work hard for everything but this one thing, the more I get disappointment, I do not want to. I keep telling myself, why me always, why me? You work hard, but you never get it...Am I am that stupid, dumb or am I the dumbest person in the world to not be able to do that much.
Its insane now I have started feeling like I must have some sort of .............But I know its not true. I just want to do just go somewhere scream hard as I can with sadness, disappointment and frustration. Oh god, what do I do, how should I overcome this.
One thing, however I feel, I know I am not dumb or stupid. If I was, I will not have been in a position today with almost a Graduate degree. God what do I do. I am sick of it. I can't stand it anymore....on top one after another things breaking....
I found a site yesterday and saw tickets for great price. I was confident that I will find one for a good price, I didn't buy the ticket this morning when it was cheaper and now the price went up. As always telling myself, why didn't I buy it. But tonight sometimes otherwise the first thing in the morning. I can't take this anymore, buy it and have things ready when its time to leave hehe......
I have always wanted to swim. Every time I see ocean, diving in tv or movies, I say "Wow, I wish I can swim". But those days are over. After practicing for 5 days, I actually am able to float with my friend's help. However, today I had a floating board kinda thing, after 2-3 times of tries, I was floating while swimming for the first time without an assistance from my friend. I was excited, I kept going from one side to another. I drank little water once since I forgot I have to keep kicking.
I was so excited, I was laughing jumping like a little kid in the water. I kept saying, 'my accomplishment', 'I accomplished finally'. There is still more to learn, but being able to float while swimming was just so exciting. Soon, I will be able to swim without the floating board either. I can't wait for that. And I am really grateful to my great friend, who has always been my teacher for a lot of things, and now a swimming teacher. I am very grateful to have a friend like this. Now, soon I can tell my dad, and brothers, I can swim too. Welcome to swimming club.
There was a time, my dad wanted to teach me, it was like a decade ago. The swimming pool we were going to go was far from our place, and we never made it. But things happen for a reason, and I am learning now. I won't be embarrassed anymore just because I can't swim.
Outside temperature has reached 70+ and the building maintenance hasn't turned off heat and turned on AC yet. Due to that, all of us here in the class are getting roasted, toasted. Everyone wants to get out as soon as possible. The door is open, I can't imagine if it is closed. We would have been dead by now. As for me, I can't take heat, my nose is blocked, I feel like getting roasted, my feet are swollen due to heat. Thought yesterday OSS building was hot, this is worse.
Please turn off the heat and turn on the AC people, that's why we pay tons of money.
So far I have learned, there are six basic steps in the Risk Management Process.
I like the material but I do not like to be in the class. I think its true for everyone who is in the class too. The reason I thought of writing this entry is because on the first row, there is a guy, who is falling asleep. He has a laptop in front of him, every few minutes, he falls asleep and his head turns right and left. The professor is right in front of him and he is on the first row, seeing that making me laugh.
I have noticed that every week he does the same thing. I am sure professor has seen him fall asleep every class, he must be thinking, "Am I that boring?" Haha...ask us, we will tell you, that's us students, who are taking the class.
And there is the guy right next to me, he is busy doing his critique, looks like he is done now. Now looks like his research started. He is one of those, who says "Why do I have to take these stupid classes?" I just heard him tell me " Can you stop typing? Its really annoying". I gave him a look and meant, Is it ? hahaha......Almost everyone in the class has a laptop in front of them and they are doing their own stuff, I am pretty sure.
Talking about students in the class,another guy next to me is usually busy chatting. The guys in the last row are usually busy staring at their laptop screen. So, from this you can imagine, how interesting and fun it is to be in the class.
Tomorrow is a day off at work, its nice and want to get out from the class soon too. hehe....
I can't wait it to be Thursday so I can enjoy the three day long weekend, but I have to work on my project on those days. Otherwise, I will be in big trouble since I haven't started my project yet. And I should also start my final for my class so that I won't have to spend as much time as I did for mid-term. That was crazy. Crazier than I thought it would be.
Its almost 8.15pm, I am going to start reading this article so I can finish the critique....
Between few minutes ago, I was checking my Cell phone bills, since its due this week. I was looking at phone records, which was not pleasant at all.
I had been so busy, and hadn't eaten momo for a while. Everything I needed for momo was there but only three tomatoes. I thought, at first I will wrap the momos then will go get some tomatoes.
I started talking to Rita on the phone, which didn't give me chance to go get some tomatoes. So, I decided to try something different. I boiled three tomatoes, then grind with Hamo chhun, and all other spices. The color was not dark red but the taste was great. Now I will instead skip Dhaniya and put Hamo. Tasty...I still have few left, and its time to go eat those.....
In a way, good for them I guess, I have no comments. But I guess in this selfish world, you have to be one too.You treat them like your family, like your own siblings, but they don't think that way.They will keep in touch with you, only when they need you. That is just wrong. Everyone is just thinking about them but no one else.
I mean for example, my own family I thought we three had a good bond, we shared stuff,we talked about a lot of things. But its been a while things changed. One thinks if I do not call, he can't call, and parents think he is busy. Busy? yeah right. So,I just have made up my mind, if someone thinks they do not need you, be it. I am going to be same, its bad but you can't always be nice. I guess everyone is turning selfish. I have to start learning to be one too. Things have changed, its sad and its all.................
so that she can give me a towel, then I can go to shower. Around 1p, I heard a noise, it was more like something hit the door hard. She said,I am very sorry, and then knocked. When I saw the old lady, I felt so bad, I wanted to tell her, not to clean anything. She changed the bed sheet, since it had a mark. She made the bed,I told her not to clean table I was working. I went to tell her not to clean the showerbut she already had. It was a quick one minute spray but still.
She asked me if she should vacuum, I told her not to, she then said thank you. I kept telling myself, I wish the bed sheet didn't have a mark. Otherwise I could have Helped her a little bit. She is 66 with 7 kids and she is from Vietnam and most of her kids work in the Hilton Hotel housekeeping to technician to janitor in school.
I asked her isn't it time for you to retire, she said, I should but I need to money, I can't retire. My heart felt for her, I felt so bad that I thought I wish I could help her.
I am speechless how I felt seeing the old lady, who almost looked like grandma to me. Another reason for me to feel that sad is, she couldn't be more than 100 pounds, so skinny lady, who was pushing like over 300 pound cart with full of towel, cleaning material, trash cans, dishes on the bottom of the cart. If knew, that I would have dropped off the dishes earlier this morning.
I think no matter what kinda of work you do, they are human too, every one have feeling, pain, every one feels tired and everything else. I should have told her, do not make bed either, I do not know what I was thinking.
I think Newari food is one of the best, tasty, mouth watering food in the whole world. From the color to the taste, the taste to the smell is great.
This entry I am writing, is not about Newari food but instead about Sinhalese food. Last night, I was watching you tube videos of Travel channel, on Sri Lanka. All five parts,they kept showing, spicy spicy food. Rice, paaripu, Sini Sambol, Kottu Roti, Lunu Miris, Maldive Fish, appa, all those dishes making my mouth water.
Maldive Fish is one my best, mainly because its Fish fried in a lot of spices, its hot, some times its extremely hot. And I love it, watching spicy food in the night, when I was feeling hungry, was making me more hungry.I wish they were cooking for me and I was the one eating those food.
I think I enjoyed most was the anchor's comments. He was feeling so hot that, he couldn't think of anything, he felt like he was getting melted in the heat. And when the food came, he was like this is just condiments, entree' is still to come, hehehe....I thought all his comments were funny..
From a week or two, I wanted to write en entry about my late grandmother. I used to share room with her and at the time, I just didn't like it. I was young of course, but I just didn't like it. Of course, as usual, the only time I spent time in that room was when I went to sleep. Other times, I always stay in the living room and studied but.....
To be continued,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
This morning when I left for work, I had planned certain things to do after work. I had a little bit of headache later in the day. I watched TV for about 2 hours, then started staying in front of the computer. I watched some wedding pictures too, who got married on Friday. It was fun, and I saw some unexpected people and I thought, how did she reach there? Oh well, I guess some people do say something and do something else. I felt a little sad however, but that's fine. But I just wish, people will tell the truth.
I guess, this is my best place where I can write what I feel like, I am sure some people might think this is boring, but its really fun to read what I wrote sometimes.I go back and read my old entries, sometimes makes me laugh. Haha.... Anyway almost 9pm, gotta get some work done before going to bed.
That's when I decided, I should look for a memory for the Sony Vaio. I found 2 different options, 1 GB and 512 MB. I know currently, it has 512MB only. It has 80GB Hard drive, if I add Memory, it will be faster. After the memory search, I remembered that I should pay the bills,since the due are coming in a week.
I paid bills for electricity,internet,cable and cell phone. After paying the bill, I went to check my Cell phone usage for this bill period. I saw something, shocking, I thought 100 min, 185 minutes and even 200 minutes were shocking. But this time it was 241 minutes at 1:0X AM. I mean what could someone possibly talk on phone for 4 hours at that time when the person should be sleeping so that could get up at 6:00 am for work. I understand it, if you have not talked to the person for a decades or even for years, but this was not acceptable to me. I wanted to just call and tell something but its worthless. It really worthless telling to to people whose priorities are messed up.Yes, I did say Priorities are messed up.
The things the person should be doing, does not have time for it.But ......... My answer to every those stupid excuse is OK. That's the best solution for it. I am sick of telling what should be the best. Well,I don't want to be that bad person anymore.I have been through enough, if I were to go back few years, if I were to be able to change time few years, back I would change so many things.But I am happy the way, I am right now. I know there are things missing, but that's okay. At least, my priorities are not messed up like someone.
Your parents, elders,even youngers and true friends, tell you the right things, you should be doing in life.The things which will/might help you move in right direction. That does not mean, you will not face any obstacles, but at least you are not being advised the wrong things. Here in my case, my experiences taught me a lot of things, made me way stronger than I was before. But.I don't know how could I make this person think in a right brighter direction. I have stopped to say anything, I don't even feel like talking much anymore.
Once again today I had to say the same thing, not once but twice in a day. I think I might have to find a designer for Michelle Obama. She does not know at all what to wear. I mean you can wear anything simple and look dashing. She proved today that, she has a horrible taste when it comes to clothing. Definitely needs couple of designers, who will tell what to wear.
I think " What not to wear" needs to go help. Otherwise, she will be remembered as a first lady with horrible clothing taste. Good luck to Obama family.
But I do have to add few lines for the Clinton family. The day Hilary Clinton announced her candidacy I was so happy. I was following the polls closely, but the day she dropped her name as a presidential candidate, I was sad. I so much wanted another Clinton to be the president. A lady president would have been an example. But I was disappointed, and once again on the election day. After hearing the result, I was still saying Hilary would have been the one but all that remained a dream, wish.......
Stress can be due to good and bad things. But no matter what it is, you wouldn't want it. The reason I am writing is because I have gone through that a lot mostly, its because of bad things . Not because I did something bad but it was there all the time. When I was in school, I had a lot of stress due to ......Then I graduated and thought ok, now I should be less stressed because now I have a job and all. But no, that never happened, right after a week I graduated, a big stress got added. Then after stress and stress more stress. Day after that I had the stress because something didn't happen due to .......So,the whole year passed. April started, and I thought now this time, its happening. I was all relaxed thinking its happening and I shouldn't worried. But on Tuesday, I heard something and it was not good. So, that added another stress.
To be continued................................
There are times in your life that you think you are doing the right thing but the truth is what you are doing is really not a correct thing. You wouldn't exactly know until you get the result of it. I did something that I should not have done. I thought I was doing a right thing and thought I could do that for good reason but didn't work out. I am not frustrated but telling myself why did i decide to do so, couldn't I give a second thought to take that decision.
Well, no matter how optimist you are, you can't really stop wrong things to happen in your life I guess. And whatever happens, happens for a reason. Usually I say that and stay, try work harder and do right things.
But this case, regret was not a very good thing but of course, it was if I had postponed it or given more time for it.
Didn't go right, really worried, don't even want to speak or think about anything anymore. Feeling ugly really ugly. Now all I can do is, in the future think harder before I take decision like this, work of course harder and listen to your friends at times. Which I do, but today I didn't which was one of the most stupid thing I did. God I wish I could go back and fix. Hopefully things will be fine.
Bring smile on my face and try harder, dont take stupid decisions. :)
Even Scolded even my very good friend. After scolding realized what I had done. Apolozy wouldn't bring the things I told my friend, those bad ugly words. But will try to control those ugly words from now onwards. God help me.
One of the ugliest moment or half of day of my life which I would never forget for sure. I do not want to remember but it was not pleasant so will always stay in my memory.