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Suddenly, after a long while, I have something to say

So, I am pondering the fact that I have been married nearly 17 years.

My question is this: Is my husband's age frozen at 23 because that is when we married or is it just that most (all?) men are frozen at 23 (if they make it that far)? I know - I am being very judgemental on the testosterone laden ones. But, really, don't they deserve it? I should admit that I love my husband and my three boys very much. They are tremendously fun and entertaining. But, are they able to listen well? Follow direction? The answer is no.

It isn't fair, but I am going to catalog just a few of the tellable f*&*-ups my hubby has done in the last year:

1. I was expecting him home one afternoon so that he could take the middle one to his Circus Juventas performance. He didn't show. He didn't answer his phone. Mind you, this is about 1 month after the littlest one was born.
I was tired, juggling the 3, stressed out that my co-parent was over an hour late. Pondering: "What could have happened? He is dead. I am parenting alone for the rest of my life..." You know - happy thoughts. I manage to get eveyone fed, into various outfits (cub scouts for the oldest, circus costume for the middlest and a clean diaper on the little one) and out the door. It wasn't without a little (a lot?) of yelling, quite a bit of crying and some blood (yes real blood). Finally, we're loaded up, driving down Snelling with drama-middle-child completely freaking out (bc of the blood) and my phone rings:
"Hey" he says.
"Hey?" (Imagine complete disbelief in my voice to find that he is a) alive and b) answering the phone with a sleepy "hey").
"I fell asleep in my car after my meeting"
Who *does* that?!?! I hated him for many days after that event.

2. I am out on the porch with my girlfriend having a beer. He comes home from a ride. Sweetly he runs to the store for us to buy some treats. Nice. Then, he heads off to bocce at the Nomad. After a bit, girlfriend gets up to go pee and says "Is there a trick with this door?". Not really - when he left, he turned the knob and locked us in the porch. There's no way out. Trapped. Sorta like I am in this role. The neighbor had to come over to get us out. Luckily we are prepared for being locked out of the house (not in necessarily) and have a hidden key.... Good thing we had a phone or there woulda been some broken glass...

3. He heads to Canada with the bigger two for a lovely fishing trip. I'm thinkin' "What a good dad!" I get home on the first day that their gone to a phone message: "Hey K & R, hope you still have it on your calendar that we're coming to town this weekend!". Yes - he did. He invited houseguests to stay the weekend knowing that he would be out of town and I would be home alone with the littlest one. HE FORGOT TO MENTION IT.

We have a life together. We have been married many, many years. I am not leaving him, but I would like to change him. I would like to alter him for the better. There is a good side to him and he has me captivated. But really. Seriously. This is my life?

And just to show you the extremes of him - take a look at this:

And just for fun, here are updated pics of the three little bears: