According to Lilienfield, people subconsciously follow a special system to find the "soul mate." Attraction has three principles: proximity, similarity, and reciprocity. Proximity is the distance we place ourselves to others. The distance we keep from others determines how close we are to them. Similarity is how related we other to the other person. We tend to stay close to people who are similar to us. Reciprocity is to share the same feelings towards one another. If the other person doesn't "return" the same feelings, we would lose interest and hope.
Proximity is more than just the distance between people. First impression takes a major role in this principle. We base our opinions on others based on our first look of them. Some people may say they do not "judge a book by its cover," but in truth, they subconsciously do. The first impression leads us to determining if we want to continue as acquaintance, as friends, or as something more. In short, first impressions determine proximities.
As I was reading through this section, I started to think about how my boyfriend and I began. I remember my first impression of him was I liked his style and by style I mean the way he dressed. One of the main reasons why I started to talk to him in the first place was because I was physically attracted to him. If I was not any bit attracted to him, I probably would not get close to him. The more I talked to him, I found out we had a lot of things in common like what music we are in to and the activities we like to do. As cheesy as it sounds, I felt an instant spark between him. When I found out he felt the same way, I was ecstatic. Him and I have been together ever since.
Although my story is only an anecdote, I continue to believe that love and attraction is not just a spur of emotions, but there is some sort of science that goes into it. I still wonder how the brain knows what neurotransmitters to fire depending on the emotion that we generate. How does the brain know what we are attracted to? Do genes play a role in love and attractions?
I found this picture on Google that shows the body's reactions to love (simple representation).
I came across this video one day and it reminded me of this chapter.