July 09, 2004

NASCAR Sponsors

I don't follow NASCAR at all, but since a large percentage of my family lives in rural Wisconsin, many of them do. We're talking regularly wearing hats and t-shirts emblazoned with drivers names, numbers, portraits, and sponsors. One of the funniest things about stock car racing in general is how many advertisements they put on these cars. Its like, you know what happens the first day they get a label maker at work? They label everything that day. The next day, the coffee maker has a "Coffee" label. The computer has a "computer" label. The cubicle of the guy who always comes in looking disheveled has a label reading "Crazy guy." I think something very similar happened to these stock cars.

Anyways, back to my family. I have nothing but sympathy for fans of Mark Martin. Imagine this scenario: You are a twenty-something Mark Martin fan, boldly wearing t-shirts bearing his likeness, and a hat with his number and main sponsor (Folgers) on it. Then, Mark Martin switches sponsors to Viagra. Now, you dutifully switch hats to one with a large Viagra logo on it. This happened to a cousin of mine. He is in his twenties and married, and he wears a Mark Martin Viagra hat everywhere. He's probably got 80-year-olds slapping him high-five everywhere he goes. I can't imagine the balls this takes.

So, I'm thinking, what kind of sponsorship change would it take for this guy to switch drivers? Is he extremely loyal, or is that the only hat in the world that fits him, and he needs a hat because he has a swastika tattoo on his head? Those are the only two possibilities I can think of. I can see if he still likes Mark Martin, but can't he root for a driver without wearing the baseball cap? If the Packers changed their name to the Ass Clowns, I would not wear a hat that read "Ass Clowns," but I would still cheer for them.

If I were a NASCAR driver with a loyal following, I would switch to the most repellant sponsor ever just for the joy of seeing my inbred fans blindly follow. First, I would pick something neutral, like instant coffee. Then, once I've won the fans over with my irresistible charisma and impeccable defensive driving, I'll switch to ACME Puppy Traps, which are giant metal traps with sharp teeth used to capture and kill puppies that wander onto my lawn. The logo would be a puppy caught in the snares, with blood and tears flying everywhere. This logo would appear on the hood of the car and on all the hats and t-shirts. The phrase "ACME Puppy Traps" would be spelled out in the splashing blood of the helpless pup. That is such a great idea. Posted by mill1991 at July 9, 2004 09:10 AM

Comments

i'm pretty sure Packers means Ass Clowns.

Posted by: Laruen at July 12, 2004 08:26 AM

not sure if this was meant to be funny or if you're serious..... but if you're serious, you should consider a little help from a good shrink ;)

Posted by: Spam at July 27, 2004 08:30 PM

You have to be the biggest loser on the planet. Try some viagra and stay off the internet.

Posted by: Post Man at October 31, 2005 05:01 PM

i wish i had a viagara hat *wink wink*

Posted by: Darryl at November 30, 2005 09:59 PM
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