I Love Gay Men
Yesterday was my birthday, so I went out a few times this weekend to let loose, whereas usually I stay in to work on my knitting. Since most (read:All) of my guy friends are gay, they went to Gay 90's on Sunday night and I tagged along. It should be noted that while, yes, Gay 90's is a gay club, The Roaring 20's is not a lion club. One of my friends (whose name I will not mention) is "very friendly," and there is a common theme to what happens when I go to the gay club with him, which I will present now for your amusement in an ordered list.
- Walk into club one step behind friend.
- Present identification one step behind friend.
- Go into main area of club one step behind friend.
- Blink.
- Friend is nowhere to be seen.
- Look around for a few seconds before seeing friend making out with some random who looks like he's 16.
I hope that ordered list worked out okay for you. Anyways, Gay 90's is awesome on a Sunday night, even for a straight boy. Drinks there consist of near-toxic amounts of alcohol. I peeked behind the bar there, and they were using discarded Long Beach Iced Teas to strip paint off the back wall. If one were so inclined, one could probably save money by buying all of ones liquor at Gay 90's.
The other awesome part about Sunday night is how many females are there. There is a drawback to this however. It is like this: There are about 4 main groups of people at the 90's, which I will list now, in rough order of amount.
- Gay boys
- Lesbians
- Straight girls who came to the gay bar because they want to dance but without getting hit on relentlessly by stupid straight boys
- Stupid straight boys like me who will hit on these girls anyways
Therein lies the problem. Most of the women there either don't like boys, or "don't want to talk to straight boys tonight." But it was actually cool last night, because some of the girls were sort of with us, so they would talk to me and dance with me even though I'm straight, which seriously impairs my talking and dancing abilities.
One last thing. There is a time of the night, quizzically called "Fishbowl," where anybody can get up on stage and dance. The boys strip down to their underwear, but the girls can't really remove anything. Listen close, its about to get important. !Anybody in the crowd can come up and put money in these people's underwear like they're strippers! This is key. Some people do this just so that they can afford another glass of paint thinner ERRR... I mean mixed drink. There was one really hot girl up there, so I gave her a dollar (cause all my gay friends were giving away dollars up there). Afterwards, she came up and talked to me and gave me her number! That is what is so awesome about fishbowl. A) Put money in hot someones underwear. B) Hot someone knows you are attracted to them. C) Awkward approaches and tacky pick-up lines are a thing of the past. This was especially important at the time, because not 10 minutes before this I was shot down by a really hot lesbian at the bar. From now on, I'm only talking to girls who I've met by stuffing money in their underwear.
In conclusion, I had an awesome birthday, even though I'm rapidly approaching the oldest person alive title, and I basically feel like I have one foot in the grave. I really have to get to procreating pretty soon.
Posted by mill1991 at July 19, 2004 10:53 AM