Broken Wing

Whose Blog Is This?

Normally I don't like this blog to be too personal. If ever I talk about others, I usually do not use their real names. However, the public has been clamoring for more information about yours truly. Because I am the kind of person who will do anything to please people, I have chosen to oblige the public. What follows is my story.

When my parents became pregnant with me, the governor of Wisconsin declared a census. Because of this, my parents were forced to go back to my father's hometown of Harmony, WI, to register. There are no motels or other people in Harmony, so my parents squatted in a barn on an abandoned farm.

While there, my mother entered into labor. With no doctors in a 50-mile radius, and my father horrified by the gruesome sight that is childbirth, I was forced to deliver myself from my mum's womb. Because of my gigantic head, squeezing out was no picnic. The resolve shown that day has stuck with me to this day, as I doggedly work at producing a blog that half a dozen people will read on a good day. Once I had made it into the light, I bit off the umbilical cord and cleaned out my eyes and mouth.

Once the census was ended, my parents returned to Green Bay with me in a wicker basket I had fashioned from the materials in the barn of my birth. The governor of Wisconsin had heard that there was a young man who would reveal him to be a fraud, and ordered all males under age 2 killed. So, my mom put me in the basket and floated me up the Fox River. The stream propelled me into downtown Green Bay, where I beached near a factory. I raised myself in the metropolis, surviving mainly on Colby, and some Cheddar, of which most buildings and streets in Green Bay are composed. Because narrative is more difficult than lists, I will now go to a list of things I did growing up.

• When I was 10 I had the idea to put "Wrong Way" signs up on one way streets the opposite direction of traffic. Prior to this, they wanted to put up "Right Way" signs on every road for drivers driving in the correct direction. How wasteful!
• I scientifically proved that the city with the worst drivers is whatever city I'm currently in.
• I composed and performed a hit country western song entitled "The rain is coming down sideways (In my heart)."
• I invented a dance move called the West Coast Vagabond. Its hard to describe in words, but imagine the top half of your body doing the robot while the lower half does the running man.
• In a special legislative session, I introduced legislation that would make it illegal to replace doing laundry with wearing extra cologne. This is a major problem in the inner cities and in frat houses. Febreze is still allowed, and is classified as a "laundry delaying agent." Too much Febreze, however, is illegal under the no smoking in business places statutes.

This all brings us to the present day, where I am a mild mannered computer science graduate student at the University of Minnesota. Like all comp sci students, I am a big fan of SuperNerd, the caped hero of the EE/CS building who fixes air conditioning systems in a single afternoon, and restores comprimised servers in a flurry of keystrokes. Its unfortunate, but it always seems that whenever SuperNerd appears, it is right after I've made a run to the West Bank or the St. Paul campus. Nevertheless, I'm satisfied as long as SuperNerd is making life better for IT students everywhere, even though I never have, and never will, appear in the same room at the same time with him. Posted by mill1991 at January 1, 2004 12:00 AM