So, here is some stuff that doesn't fit into any particular day, or that I have forgotten which day it occurred. Someone said (feel free to credit this in the comments) that there is a three-way race for cancer in Critser's body between skin, lung, and liver. Once again, Critser sat outside all day on Friday with no sunscreen, and once again he turned red as shit. It looked awesome though on Saturday. Oh wait, no, he still looked red as shit. I broke the hell out of two separate lawn chairs. The first time, I made fun of Joynts name, so he poured some beer on me, so I tackled him while he was seated in the rainbow warrior. Surprisingly, the "aluminum" frame (I'm pretty sure it was actually salt-water taffy painted silver) collapsed under our 200 pound combined weight. The second time, I was getting up to console Tony after zinging him (see below), and someone (I will save him the embarrassment of mentioning his name), stuck his finger so far up my asshole he was touching prostate. Only somewhat surprised, I spun around 900 degrees and landed in Tony's lap, thus destroying lawn chair number two.
Samp is fricken huge. Like cover of Men's Fitness huge. Since the rest of us tip the scales at about 50 kilos, this is a big deal to us. As Samp first took off his shirt at the beach, Joynt commented, "Samp, you have more muscle in your shoulder than I have in my entire body." I followed with, "Samp, you have more testosterone in your right nipple than I have in my entire body." In a similar vein, someone later said, "I have more hair on my big toe than Jared has on his entire body."
My ass-kicking zinger
The first night, Tony was laying down some law on us laymen, after finishing his first year at law school, and he took a little bit of crap for being so academic. The next night, he said he wasn't going to talk anymore about it because of the shit he took for it. I told him no, he should do it, because we all like making fun of people. So, literally like 5 minutes later, we were talking about statutory rape and consent laws (for extremely creepy reasons, I'm sure), and Tony started talking his lawyerin' mumbo jumbo. My ears perked up, and I turned and leaned into the pitch (literally, as Linz can attest to), and said, "Hey, Judge Wapner, nobody gives a shit." After that home run of a rip, I was ready for bed. Posted by mill1991 at August 3, 2004 10:06 AM