Broken Wing

Bad news about birds

My friends, I have some bad news to report. I've been doing some fieldwork in my secondary area of study, ornithology, and the results are not pretty. It's like this - usually, when humans encroach on the habitat of a species, the species dies out or becomes rare and weak. With birds, the opposite is happening. They are becoming stronger and more numerous, until they eventually overtake us and their brains develop telepathic powers. Thus begins our downfall.

The problem is our lack of aggression. Birds are quite fearful of us, even though most birds go an entire lifetime without ever being attacked by humans. This morning, I saw about 50 birds on the grass in between the sidewalk and the road, pecking at something. I'm not sure what it was, but I have a guess. As I approached, they scattered of course. Some of them are quite young, and can only escape a little ways ahead of me. But of course I will reach them again soon, forcing them to fly away again. My point is that if those birds had been attacked by a real aggressor, they would have been dead, and the weak would have been weeded out as natural selection says. But since I didn't have any violent motives, I was basically just giving them a chance to exercise! Our passiveness towards birds is turning them into ultra-strong killing machines. It makes me sick to say this, but I'm pretty much the John Basedow of birds. Except I don't have disgustingly ripped abs.

I have done some computer modeling, and simulated how our current course of actions will result. This is a picture of what a typical sparrow looks like. This is what it's simulated to look like in 100 years. In short, it's not going to be pretty. I recommend not having children, as they will inevitably be eaten by giant telepathic sparrows in the year 2090. Posted by mill1991 at August 20, 2004 10:08 AM