August 30, 2004

Assorted morsels

Everybody knows that white culture steals from black culture, and straight culture steals from gay culture. But what people don't know is that both black culture and gay culture steal from me. I was the first person to start wearing baggy clothes, which was later stolen by hip-hop culture. I only started doing it because I am frugal and I thought this way I get more fabric per unit of money. Also, I always assumed that I would keep growing into my clothes. This plan proved to be not well thought out, as I stopped growing at age 7. Gay culture stole the idea of male anorexia from me. They did originate the idea of man-on-man sex, though.

Last weekend I went to a gay bar with my friend and had one woman buy me a drink. She probably thought I was gay though. But another woman came home with me. At first I thought it was pretty impressive that I was able to pick up a woman at a gay bar. In hindsight, there is nothing impressive about picking up a woman that large. Unless you mean you literally picked her up. Now that would be an impressive display of leg strength. I think Gary Coleman could've taken this woman home from a laundromat.

My friend Nate is moving to San Diego so he had a going-away party on Saturday night. One guy there started saying to me, "You kind of look like Tom Cruise..." and I got excited and interrupted him. Normally if I'm compared to a celebrity it's someone like Steve Buscemi or Gerard Depardieu. So I immediately stood up and started walking around telling people "You... complete me." It turns out that I shouldn't have interrupted him because if I would've let him finish he was going to say "You kind of look like Tom Cruise if he had down syndrome." What a jerk!

In all seriousness though, I'm really going to miss my friend Nate. I feel almost as lucky to have him as a friend as he should feel to have me as a friend. Posted by mill1991 at August 30, 2004 10:00 AM

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