The first problem is the garbage. The dumpster for the building is located in the parking garage. By the time garbage day rolls around, the garage has accumulated quite a nasty sour milk and dirty Depends smell (I live in an assisted care facility). Now, I can see the benefit of indoor garbage. If homeless people know that they can't even get into the garbage to dig for my financial records, they'll be less likely to even get out of their Ford Tauruses to try. But the smell! At least with vagrants digging through the garbage they tend to pick out the bits of food before they get old enough to start smelling. This is a fundamental insight that the good people in Milwaukee and Marquette University must have noticed, as the garbage there is considerably less smelly, and there are six homeless people for every homeful one.
My second issue with the parking garage is the width. With all these SUVs and minivans, it's sometimes difficult to pull in or out even in a moderate sized sedan. There are a couple possible solutions to this. One is to make the garage wider. Since it is underground, this involves moving the foundation of a building several feet with the building still on top. While I am in favor of doing this after I move out, for now I say NEIN! Another possible solution is not allowing anybody else to park in the garage. Now, I do not deny having a massively exaggerated sense of self worth, but even I cannot condone this idea. Other people simply need to drive. The final, and I think, best, solution is to have everybody else drive Geo Metros. The Geo Metro is a very dependable car with exceptional fuel efficiency and being small abilities. This enables them to easily fit into any parking spot, while allowing me plenty of room to back out. Plus, if you get a door ding, who cares? Its a Metro! They're so inexpensive its probably cheaper just to get a new one. You can collect them like they're different color mini iPods. Now, the challenge is to get everybody to want to drive a Geo Metro. If I can get a beloved celebrity, like George Jetson, to drive one, people would think its the car of the future and jump right on board!
Posted by mill1991 at September 20, 2004 09:29 AM