September 23, 2004
Where do we go from here?
If there's one thing that annoys me, it's birds. But if there's another thing, it's meta-blogging, which is to say, blogging about blogging. That is what makes this so difficult. I'm not sure where to go with this blog now that school has started. During the summer, I can engage in all sorts of wacky adventures and report on them. Once school starts, my life becomes somewhat mundane and routine, and I start writing about stupid shit like my word a day e-mails. To give you an example, here is my typical day.
- 6:30 - Awake at a time that is so early it should be considered immoral.
- 7:45 - Get on a bus with 30 people who appear to be suicidal, most likely as a result of waking up so goddamned early.
- 9:00 - Sit in a class surrounded by attractive undergraduate females, some of whom look young enough to be my daughter, but are too good looking to be any spawn of mine.
- Go to meetings where the first 15 minutes is banal smalltalk. Someone in my linguistics class mentioned that smalltalk is a social structure, essentially serving the purpose that grooming does in the apes. Personally, I feel smalltalk is a step backwards from picking and eating lice and ticks from my neighbors.
- Even during the meeting, less than half the time is spent productively, and the rest is used by frustrated middle-aged people trying to fulfill their social needs. I picture myself getting up and running full speed through a wall and leaving a Tim-shaped hole.
- Oh my god! They're still talking about their dogs! I start reaching for ticks on the hairy guy sitting next to me.
- Get on bus going home with other people who have nothing interesting to write about.
One possible topic I've imagined I could write about is dating, romance, love. Surely there are some humorous tidbits that can be gleaned from that realm. Unfortunately, this would require me to start dating. I don't date very often for the same reason I don't play basketball very often - I suck at it. Let me enumerate the ways:
- I am as bad at doing "when should I call" math as most women are at doing actual math.
- Even if I guess right at the "when should I call" math, I am terrible on the phone. It probably goes back to my dislike for smalltalk. If we could jump right in to talking about what kinds of foods I like prepared for me, this would be much easier.
- I am an atheist who hates animals and refuses to eat them. I also have a college degree, yet will not be making any significant amount of money for the next 5 or 6 years. This does not exactly make me good "bring home to mom" material.
- Dating inherently requires lying. For example, if I were to call someone I am courting, the inevitable question "What are you doing?" requires all men to lie. Most seem to have no problem with this. But I'm a truthful person, so I must respond to this question with, "thinking about your breasts."
- I am so attractive that women are often intimidated by me. Not really, thats just an old joke from high school that me and another hapless schlub (who's now married) came up with.
- My gay friend moved to California. How am I supposed to
meet women if I don't have anyone to go to the Gay 90's with?
So there you have it, a nauseatingly long account of my thoughts on this blog. Updating everyday is difficult if the same thing happens to me every day. Positively 18th Street manages to be funny despite appearances that his day-to-day routine is as mundane as mine. But he updates about once a week, and many times posts about his drunken escapades rather than his job. So, I guess what I'm saying is that I haven't figured out what direction I'm going to take. If I had a theme with a little more staying power than my hatred of birds, that might make it easier, so I'm working on that.
Posted by mill1991 at September 23, 2004 10:19 AM
Good old writer's block, it always gets the best of us. It's really difficult to write something funny and original everyday, hell it's difficult to do it once a week, once a month. One day we will all be so boring, that we'll have absolutely nothing to write about. That will be a sad day
My favorite thing to do on the bus is guess what the other people are studying. business students are pretty easy to pick out, and IT guys practically scream it. but the rest are kind of a foggy category. You have to look at a complex algorithm of 1)type of bag and how many books are in it; 2) clothing, especially shoes 3)where they got on the bus; 4)tattoos, piercings, distinguishing jewelry. it's a pretty fun game.
as for small talk: there's an episode of This American Life where Starlee Kine talks about her answer to small talk, and that is: the rundown. I'll boil it down for you. When it doubt, ask "How many virgins?"
I know what you mean - the business guys are the ones in the expensive suits, yelling "Buy! Sell! Buy! Sell!" into their cellphones. The ITers are hunched over their laptops hacking into the CIA or reading science fiction novels or scrawling equations into the fog on the windows, all the while adjusting their taped glasses and snorting. The dental students are always flossing, and the school of prostitution people are always asking me if I want to give them money for sex.