October 5, 2004

Disruption follow-up

It seems like you're all rant with no ideas. What would you do to fix the disruption problem?

Well, this refers to the rant I had yesterday about people disrupting my learning experience. First, as a student, there is not much I can do. But perhaps someday I will be a teacher. In that case, I do have a solution.

Immediately before the first class meeting of the semester, I will go on a long run, followed by drinking three cups of coffee. The result of this is I will be sweaty, flushed red, and jittery. If I then add in a pained grimace and heavy breathing, this will make me seem like someone who is unstable and very close to breaking down perhaps. Then, I will walk in the classroom and drop my books on the lecture counter with a loud thud. The final move will be taking a silver revolver out of my bag and placing it gently on the counter. Surely by this point I will have the undivided attention of the class. Now I will say, "Everybody turn off your cellphones. I will not be saying that again this semester. If I hear a cellphone ring after I am in the classroom, I will come over to your seat and pistol whip you. If, god forbid, someone is to answer his or her phone before I get to your seat, rest assured you will be making a person-to-person connection with 9 millimeters of lead."

This may seem a bit extreme, but its important to understand one thing: I am not good at shooting guns. I have never shot a pistol in my life. The recoil from all guns I have shot sends me flying a few feet, due to weakness caused by my anorexia. So realistically, I will probably miss the first shot, and I will be unable to get off a second before I am restrained. You were probably worried for a little while there. Posted by mill1991 at October 5, 2004 2:52 PM | TrackBack

Comments

For the record, I would ask that when you visit the link to "Chris Samp is the Greatest Football Player Ever," notice that Samp's total longest touchdown reception is 235 yards. How much greater can you be??? After initially scoring the first touchdown of 35 yards, Supersamp turned around and ran the length of the field twice before being stopped. No doubt he tripped on his dack or it would have been something like a 568 yard reception. What a man.

Posted by: Joynt at October 5, 2004 9:29 PM

Also, please note that Samp's page ironically has a link to athletic eligibility, a formality that the 24-year-old JUNIOR throws off like he is Bo Jackson battling Dana Butts in Tecmo Bowl 1.

Posted by: Joynt at October 5, 2004 9:52 PM