October 19, 2004

Getting dressed

I am getting really tired of dressing myself. It is absolutely amazing to me that everybody else in the world who has reached the age of 23 is still trying to wear something different every day. It is such a chore. I am seriously considering adopting a unitard which I will wear everyday, a la Star Trek. Don't get me wrong, I value clean clothes, which is why I would own several identical unitards and change everyday.

For the last 5-6 years, I have been selecting my own clothing and dressing myself, and to be honest, I'm sick of it. First, you have to keep a reasonable amount of clothing clean so it can be worn on short notice. Next, you have to make sure it does not have too many wrinkles. Then, you have to make sure you are wearing something appropriate to the wildly varying weather conditions in Minnesota. Finally, you have to have matching between the pants and the shirt.

Assuming you can do all this stuff well (and seriously, I cannot), there is still a kicker. You can't wear the same thing twice within a short time period. There is an entire branch of applied mathematics dedicated to studying this phenomenon. Early results are that the amount of time you must wait after wearing an "outfit" is directly proportional to the salience of that outfit. For instance, if you have a t-shirt with a really funny written message, e.g. "Stop reading my shirt", a time period of at least two weeks is required. For a shirt that doesn't attract as much attention, say with a school name on it, ten days should suffice. If you just wear white t-shirts, you can wear these everyday.

There is another complication, though. If you last wore an outfit on a certain day, say Monday, the next time you wear the outfit must be on a non-Monday, even if you're well past the waiting period. Some people only see you once a week. I call them Monday people. If you wear a shirt the first and third Monday of a given month, all your Monday people will be under the illusion that you wear that shirt all the time.

Seriously, this could be a thesis topic. Posted by mill1991 at October 19, 2004 12:08 PM | TrackBack

Comments

Tim -
This is indeed very brilliant and would make an excellent thesis. What strikes me in this is that you say "For the last 5-6 years, I have been selecting my own clothing and dressing myself..." What this means is that when you were 18 your Mom was dressing you? This sheds some light on the problem you and Rev. were experiencing, circa 1997-1999. Maybe it was the macrame sweaters, not that you two were so damn sexy it caused chickenheartedness amoung the ladies at PHS???

DAD

Posted by: #1 DAD at October 19, 2004 6:32 PM

I too have had this same dilemma. I thought it was just me. I've attempted to create the mirage I wear a different out fit daily - and you are right!! There is a waiting period that factors in how intense the memory of the people around you is, as well as their attentiveness. It's insanity. Unfortunately, I have been dressing myself for at least 15 years and some how it just keeps getting harder, although I just keep caring less and less. I value cleanliness probably more so than the next guy, there are people where I work that obviously think it makes you a bad person to do so.
Have you ever considered running for State Senate?

Posted by: heather at November 1, 2004 8:22 AM