October 26, 2004

Daily Summary

The Minnesota Daily is possibly the most widely read children's newspaper in the world. Sometimes, though, you don't always have time to read all of it, and you settle for just the crossword. Have no fear! For I will summarize the letters to the editor for the day.

Letter 1 - Rage against conservatives by Jed Ipsen

Intro: "Being a conservative on campus, I’ve experienced a lot of persecution over the years. This last week, however, has probably been the worst."

Summary: Some liberals made vague hyperbolic verbal threats. Other people vandalized my car. These isolated incidents incriminate all liberals, especially John Kerry. My head is so far up my ass I can see my breakfast.

Letter 2 - Look beyond the veneer by Karen Carmody

Intro:

"I have a challenge for Gregg Knorn after reading his Monday opinion piece, “Exceptionalism a good thing, when you’re right.”

If Knorn truly wants to understand why many people in the world are part of the “hate-America crowd,” watch “The Panama Deception,” the 1993 Academy Award winner for best documentary feature."

Summary: I've seen one movie with one viewpoint on American foreign policy and now I'm an expert. If I were to watch Field of Dreams, I could manage a major league baseball team. I watched "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" and became a world class bluegrass musician. Basically, any movie that I see makes me infallible when discussing that topic.

Letter 3 - Helping the environment, economy by Jerry Hiniker

Intro: "Emily Kaiser’s Friday article, “Bike paths provide alternative transit” was interesting and timely."

Summary: Making biking easier for me will improve the environment and the economy. It will also cure AIDS, end terrorism, and be a solution to the war on drugs that both sides enjoy. In short, the addition of bike lanes and bike paths is the greatest thing that mankind can do to improve the world. Posted by mill1991 at October 26, 2004 11:41 AM | TrackBack

Comments

If you run a bike path to Mexico, or Colombia, then that won't really be a "solution" to the war on drugs, will it? Huh? HUH? And bike paths coming out (so to speak) of 'Frisco won't exactly cure AIDS! And bike paths out of Tora Bora will just increase mobility for that bearded guy whose name I can't remember because I haven't heard it in so long!!

If there was a bike path to stupidity, I think there would be two-way pictures of you sprayed on it.

Posted by: Epistaxis at October 27, 2004 08:08 PM

You know those pictures they spray paint on the bike paths to discourage walking on them? If you're coming from the other direction, it looks like they're discouraging you from standing on your head on a bike path.

Posted by: Tim at October 27, 2004 09:29 PM

And read some history of U.S. foreign policy in Latin America... that was the rest of my point in "Look Beyond the Veneer." Take the advice or leave, but don't simply the argument out of context.

Posted by: Karen at November 25, 2004 12:27 AM
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