Dear Tim,This refers to the analysis I did on the haircutting time frame. Phase 1 refers to the "new haircut" phase. Sorry it took me so long to get to your question, but I have been in detox for the last 6 days. By now your problem probably no longer exists, but I'll solve it anyways as an exercise, and hopefully future haircut victims can use the advice to make themselves sexier than Jude Law. Wait, what am I saying? No one will ever be sexier than Jude Law.
I read your [column about haircuts] with great interest. As it happens, I recently got a haircut, myself. But the barber took a little too much off. Does this mean Phase 1 will last longer for me?
Sincerely,Bald in the Big City
At this point in the year, your barber's margin for error is quite a bit larger. You see, because of the cold, it is permissible to wear a hat during the winter. Judging from people I've seen so far, it is not just possible to wear them outdoors, but also indoors. Given the length of Minnesota winters, you can go six months out of the year without anyone seeing your actual hair.
All that's left is the other six months of the year. For these months, I recommend wearing baseball caps. Come to think of it, it is probably best to just keep your head shaved all year, and just wear hats. Unfortunately this is not possble for me, as no hat fits my head because it is the approximate size and shape of a giant pumpkin. And color.
Posted by mill1991 at November 29, 2004 8:01 PM
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funny blog, dude. but i feel the need to expand your grooming perspective. clearly, you are working on the assumption that bald in the big city is a guy. because you could only advise a guy to see a hat as a hair solution.
this is what happens when a girl wears a hat: all of the hair above her ears becomes flat and staticky, while the hair below her ear-line poofs out really flatteringly. hats, like ponytail holders, create a telltale line/dent in a girl's hair that looks really, really good. if a girl puts on a hat, you had better believe she's going to keep it on for the next six months, because if she takes it off she will reveal her hair's new puffy-while-simultaneously-matted-down-to-her-scalp look. In other words, she'll never take off that hat.
i believe in doing whatever it takes to avoid that new haircut phase. i only get mine cut when i'm in milwaukee, by the same girl person who has cut it for three years. i am sure other girls can sympathize with the need to cut out the margin or error completely. for a girl, the only solution to an unfortunate haircut is another (hopefully fortunate) one.
i know. your whole worldview is changed now.
there should be a "/" between girl and person. she could be considered a girl when she started cutting my hair, but now, in a situation best understood by britney spears, she is too old to be considered a girl, but not yet old enough to be called a woman.
Posted by: Stephanie at December 1, 2004 10:05 PMOoops! My bad. Yes, this advice is only for men. I suppose I will have to be more general in the future to include readers of the fairer sex. Let me elaborate here: This advice strictly does NOT apply to women. Women are not allowed to wear hats at any time - they must always have impeccably groomed pretty hair, even in the Arctic (or Antarctic).
Posted by: Tim at December 4, 2004 10:43 AMWhatever. I look impeccably groomed AND pretty in my winter hat. Also, I thought that I girl with a ponytail pulled through the back of a baseball cap was The Hottest Thing Ever to guys. At least, that's what I've been told.
Posted by: Kaitlin at December 4, 2004 5:54 PM