December 20, 2004
I'll have one rant on evolution, soaked in sarcasm, please
There is a new theory of human origins that has recently been forwarded by the scientific elites. This theory says that human beings have descended from simpler animals by a process called evolution by natural selection. The most recent human ancestor, according to this "theory"? Apes. That's right - these genius scientists sitting in their ivory towers think that man came from apes. Here are some reasons why people of faith should not believe these claims:
- Potential for teasing:
In every science fiction movie with aliens from other worlds, earthlings are always derided as being "simians" or "apes." Do we really want to set ourselves up for this kind of inter-galactic teasing? We don't want earth to become the universe's equivalent to the table in the high school cafeteria where the math team sits.
- Inability to explain facts
Notwithstanding the Olson twins, Patrick Ewing, and my hairy back, human beings bear no resemblance whatsoever to apes.
- None of my relatives are apes
I have a big family - 15 legitimate aunts and uncles, and probably several others who were bastard children. All of these aunts and uncles have children. Some of those children have children. Out of all of those people, not a single one was ever an ape. For a while we thought my cousin Danny was an ape, but it turned out he just got lost at the zoo and a chimp had followed his parents home.
- Evolution promotes competition
In this "theory," competition between species determines which survive, and which traits get passed on to offspring. This kind of competition is bad for children to hear about. As head of my children's soccer league, I initiated a plan where every child gets a trophy, no matter how bad they are at soccer. Also, we don't keep track of goals during a game. Instead, we determine a winner by who has had the most fun during the game. So far every game has been a tie.
- It is difficult to understand
Evolution is incredibly hard for me to understand. Scientific theories should always follow intuitions of the common man, so that they can be understood by all. If I can't understand how it works, then it isn't true. The stories in the bible are much easier to understand. Granted, there are two different stories that are completely at odds with each other, but I'll take two easily understood but contradicting theories over one difficult theory any day.
Posted by mill1991 at December 20, 2004 05:44 PM
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I also have a cousin Danny who everyone thinks is an ape. Small world.
I have an aunt and uncle who are in a cult, and if they were allowed to use the internet, I think they would print this post out and frame it and put it on the wall...but I think that would be considered art, then, and I think that's forbidden too. :))