Broken Wing

Sexuality at MOA

At the Mall of America, there is a subtext of sexuality that can be hard to consciously notice. Those with a nose for subtlety, however, find themselves balls deep in a sea of sexual innuendo and metaphor. For those without this keen sense, however, a barrage of unconscious stimulation may be occurring. Let me highlight the ways:

• Sox Appeal
This is a store name which is dangerously close to the phrase "Sex Appeal." I wasn't sure what exactly "sox" were at first, but I figured it was just a misspelling of "socks." It turns out, in fact, that sox is another word for bottle openers.
• The Rack
This is the name for a store which sells various clothing. However, rack is also a slacker shorthand for female breasts. I could see if maybe they sold ties, and called it "The Tie Rack." But no, they figured if they opened a store named after a sought-after part of the female anatomy, people would clamor to buy whatever random crap they sell. Well, I'll have contempt in my heart every time I wear this teddy bear sweater.
• The International Touch
This is a store which claims to be selling... I don't know. Honestly, my desire for foreign women was so heightened by the mere sight of this store name, I thought it best to steer clear. I think it's safe to say that this is probably a front for some kind of foreign-run prostitution scheme.
• Gap
I don't think I even need to say what this store name represents. It's vaginas.
• Abercrombie and Fitch
There is nothing sexual about the name of this store, thankfully. However, once you are inside, there is nothing non-sexual about the interior. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel in this store. What I've noticed is this:
1. There is a noticeable amount of homoerotic imagery involving men or women.
2. Pink is a very fashionable color for "men" in this store.
3. The dividing lines between the men's and women's sections are often very ambiguous.
Conclusion:The forces behind Abercrombie and Fitch have a sinister plot to end what scientists call "sexual dimorphism." In their vision, man and woman are no longer distinct, and "relations" can exist between any two or more people. While it is important that these evil forces be fought, it is also important to remember that they will inevitably fail because men and women can always be separated by having them attempt to answer questions about American football, or how to bake various food items.

These are unfortunate developments, because all this gratuitous imagery is an insult to the young patrons of such malls, especially the throngs of modestly dressed young women who come to the MOA to shop for chocolates for their bedridden grandparents and occasionally purchase sodapops for their own pleasure.

I, for one, am outraged. This is surely only part one in a master plan. Once our subconscious has accepted this creeping sexuality, it will surely become more overt. I discovered plans to rename Ann Taylor into Lesbi-Ann Tailor, which would be a tailor for women who are attracted to other women, sexually. This is oh-so-shameful, while I admit a bit hot. Posted by mill1991 at December 31, 2004 04:39 PM | TrackBack