There are many good reasons for switching your allegiances to the greek gods. For one, there is the expression "Greek god." As in, "Have you seen Samp with his shirt off? He looks like a Greek god." This is because all of the greek gods had sculpted physiques, and were generally considered to be quite hot. Through all of your worship, you can be staring at images and icons of the ancient equivalent of bodybuilder or supermodel. Plus, greek gods always walk around in the nude, oftentimes covered in hot oils that undoubtedly have pleasing fragrances. Why not choose a belief system that allows you some erotic imagery in your visualizations of god? Going to church would be fun again, although you'd have to bring plenty of change for use in the 25-cent movie theatres. Compare this to Jesus, who can't even be bothered to shave or wear proper shoes. The choice is easy.
The second reason to convert to Olympianism is that greek gods will interfere with your life all the time. This can be seen in either The Iliad or The Odyssey, both of which read a hell of a lot better than "the good news," by the way. The Christian God used to fuck with people's lives all the time, but he stopped as soon as he had finished his book. Meanwhile, the Olympian gods descend from Mount Olympus whenever they feel like it. Maybe they smell a lamb roasting on a spit and want to get a taste. Maybe they want to shoot some lightning at some battle weary soldiers returning from Troy on a ship. The Christian God, in his entire history, only personally inseminated one woman. Greek gods do that shit all the time!
That brings up another point. Sure, the Christian God claims we were made in his image, but then why is he so perfect while we're not far away from flinging feces at each other like chimpanzees? With the greek gods, there is no doubt - those assholes are just like us. They're always fighting up on Mount Olympus, and have voracious sexual appetites (as mentioned above), they get jealous of other gods, they scheme and plot against each other, take opposing sides in wars, and so on. It could be the greatest reality show ever on television.
Posted by mill1991 at January 5, 2005 07:19 PM
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it does not matter what you look like! If someone was the best looking you've ever seen, but would ditch you in two seconds, and is absolutely downright mean and has a crappy attitude, you'd rather hang out with him then someone who is kind and cares about you. Even if he doesn't shave or wear proper shoes? I care more about someones attitude and personality then whether or not they wear proper shoes!! Oh, and by the way, Christian church is fun! You should try coming some time, and if you go to a bad one at first, dont judge, try a different one, maybe itll be better! creative? creative?
Posted by: not telling at April 12, 2005 05:51 PMFirst off all, there is absoutley 0 basis for any of the crap that you have written...its not biblical, its not historical...i am a professor of greek studies and cult mythologies at MSU and everything above is completely unfactual...i'd love to hear where you have picked up these mis guided and unfounded ideas about mythological 'Gods'?
Posted by: Gav at May 22, 2005 08:04 AMI absolutely loved this article. Very entertaining. I will try to convince my christian friends of the same. I remember some of those hot-ass greek goddesses from high school english class. Perhaps if I worship them they'll give me some pity sex!
Posted by: Delta at June 13, 2005 07:51 PMYour not supposed to pick a religion based on anything, but truth. Fun has nothing to do with eternal salvation.
Posted by: JJ at April 21, 2006 11:26 AM