Broken Wing

I don't get American Idol

I don't understand why people like American Idol so much. There are a couple issues I have:

1. The judges are bad
Okay, Simon Cowell is kind of funny, so I would keep him. But Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson are simply awful. Personally, I would replace them with a sassy robot and a hilariously over-the-top gay asian guy. The robot could say things like "My pleasure circuits haven't lit up like that since I interfaced with C3PO" for good singers, and for bad singers: "It will take a long time to erase that sub-optimal performance from my memory banks. Beep Whiz Rattle." The gaysian guy would say "Girlfriend! You look Fab-U-Lous! If you play your cards right, you could be the next Bette Midler." Can't you see how amazing that would be? However, the current judges are so bad that they could be replaced by Gilbert Gottfried and Rodney Dangerfield's corpse and it would still be an improvement.
2. The "stars" that are chosen are bad
I will grant that the three American Idols chosen by America have been talented singers. Unfortunately the most they can hope for out of a career is moderate success in the wasteland of popular music known as adult contemporary, long since deserted by the likes of Michael Bolton, Peabo Bryson, and Aaron Neville. The reason for this is that to be a huge star, singing talent is not enough - you must be amazing looking and possibly skanky if a woman, and if you are a man you must be a rapper or part of a band or Nate Dogg.
3. Too much singing
I like music just as much as the next guy. I have even been known to sing in the shower, in the car, or even while taking care of the Captain's children in the Austrian Alps. But I get just a little sick of all the singing, singing, singing. And every song is a cheesy, bastardized, synthesized, shitty wedding band rendition of the original. If I want to hear music like this, I will ask the managers at the grocery store what CD they are playing and buy it.

Posted by mill1991 at January 13, 2005 4:56 PM | TrackBack