Tips for winter warmth
Winter in Minnesota can be bitterly cold. With the proper precautions, however, one can still enjoy the outdoors without losing any important extremities to frostbite. Here are some tips:
- Wear a winter hat
This one is obvious. What is not so obvious, however, is the type of hat. For several weeks I was wearing a winter hat that had a Green Bay Packers logo on it, and I got some ugly looks. I think there is some confusion, because in Minnesota not many people wear Vikings hats, so to do so indicates a real zest for the team. In Green Bay, however, Packer hats are handed out at baptism. Everybody has one, and wearing it doesn't indicate Packer fanaticism, just place of residence. Either way, I don't get why people get so worked up about it. I think people are under the impression that if Green Bay wins the state of Minnesota will be annexed by Wisconsin. But no, there are no such stakes on the game. Even if your team does lose, they will play at least two more games the next year! It's sort of like getting mad every night at the sun for going down, and then rejoicing when it comes up again the next morning. Anyways, if you do need to wear a Green Bay Packer hat in Minneapolis, it is best to tell people that you are part of the
Heaven's Gate cult.
- Scarf
A scarf is necessary on those days when there is a biting wind and any exposed neck or cheek skin makes you long for the sweet release of death. Up until a few weeks ago, I was hopeless with scarves. Let's just say if scarf-wearing had been a section on the ACTs, I'd be working at Jiffy Lube right now. But, I received some
good advice on scarf-wearing on this website a few weeks ago, so check out the comments if you need help.
- Balaclava
Here is an
example, if you have not heard of such things. Balaclava is a weird name, but these can also be called neck-gaiters, or my favorite, halitosis magnifiers. If you have just had a cup of coffee, or a burrito, or a raw onion, this will trap your bad breath inside and force you to breathe it for your entire walk. Do yourself a favor and pop in a piece of gum before strapping one of these babies on.
- Grow a beard
Sorry, ladies, not really an option for most of you. But despair not, you have company, because it is not really an option for me either. Partly out of laziness and partly out of curiousity, I have not shaved since Christmas. The end result is about a 1 meter beard (i.e. from beyond 1 meter you can't tell it exists). And it is not coming in in any discernible pattern - it's as if my facial hair growth is under the guidance of an abstract artist. Anyways, it's warming up tomorrow, so I can get this monstrosity off of my beautiful face.
- Sweatpants under jeans
This tactic is reserved for only the coldest days (i.e. the last 10 days in Minneapolis). The reason being that for men, it requires a full pants opening to pee, because sweatpants generally do not have a pee-hole.
Note: In some extreme conditions (such as waiting for the bus), it may be tempting to pee one's pants. Be warned, while this will provide an initial surge of warmth, that in the long run it can lead to jeans frozen to leg, not to mention a strange odor (though if you are in IT, strange odors are the norm - quite a paradox I must say).
Posted by mill1991 at January 17, 2005 05:00 PM
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