February 06, 2005
Super Bowl Commercials
Here is a running tally of the Super Bowl commercials with a ranking of how bad they suck, on a scale of one to four Tony Danzas. The best possible score is zero Tony Danzas (think horses kicking field goals), while the worst one can do is four Tony Danzas (think talking baby).- Hitch This commercial did not debut at the Superbowl, but it's being played a lot nonetheless. I have no idea what this movie is about, but if I were to see it, I fully expect the dance instruction scene to last an hour and a half. There just can't be that much more to the movie, because that is all I see in the previews.
- FedEx Commercial This commercial didn't suck too much - though choosing commercials as a topic of the commercial is a weird decision, especially since we've seen how much commercials suck. It would make more sense to base the commercial on something that doesn't suck as much, like killer robots.
- Cosentino The commercial has said some women's name several times, and I don't know what it means yet, though I'm thinking it's either a kind of surface tiling or else a machine that causes washed up sports figures to appear relevant for 30 more seconds. While this commercial certainly sucked quite a bit, it did not plumb the depths of suckhood that one might expect from a commercial with Mike Ditka.
- GoDaddy.com Wow. Talk about one of the greatest all-time commercial suck jobs. Not only did this commercial lose points for having a completely stale reference to Janet Jackson, but the rest of it was belabored and lacked anything resembling humor or creativity. One time I accidentally wiped my ass with a role of film. When I then played it back, it was a lot better than this commercial.
Verdict: Three Tony Danzas
Altogether: 2 Tony Danzas.
Result: Two Tony Danzas
Verdict: 4 Tony Danzas.
Comments
My favorite, and the one that drew the biggest laughs (read: any laughs) at the party I attended, was the one where the guy was preparing dinner for his girlfriend and ended up looking like he was killing her cat. However, I don't recall what this was a commerical for, so it really didn't do its job.
Posted by: Kaitlin at February 6, 2005 10:59 PMOh yeah, we liked that one too. I think it was Ameriquest, or Ameritrade, or America something. They had another good one where a guy talking on his hands free cell phone was thought to be robbing a convenience store.
Posted by: Tim at February 6, 2005 11:09 PM