Of all the things in the world that frustrate me, trying to eat three meals a day is near the top of the list. My irritation over this makes me long for the days when any problem could be solved by putting a spear through it. My top two other annoyances are probably sleeping and dogs that seem to be able to detect clean jeans and slobber all over them preferentially.
I would pay top dollar to have a feeding tube system that would allow me to skip meals. Whenever I want to eat, I could just plug a few morsels into the system and return to work. No more preparing food, no waiting for the oven to preheat, no checking nutrition labels, no chewing, no sneaking moldy cheese into your friends sandwich. Well, I guess that last one I'll miss, but otherwise you get the point.
This would make dating easier, too! Dinner conversation would never lull because it would be too short.
Me: Hey, that's a nice feeding tube. Where'd you get it?
Her: Oh I got it on sale down at the...
Me (rudely interrupting): Well, looks like we're done eating, do you want to make out now?
Posted by mill1991 at March 30, 2005 02:34 PM
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I hope someone can devise umbilico-reconstructive surgery (back to The Original Feeding Tube). I would like a navel-mounted adapter that allows me to inject nutrients directly into my bloodstream. Think of the potential! Think of all the other things you could use it to inject into your bloodstream! I could just plug in whenever I'm hungry, or anemic, or need a hit. Restaurants would be more like gas stations. There could be ethnic nutrient-loads, too - the only difference is they'd give me diarrhea.
Posted by: Epistaxis at April 1, 2005 11:39 PMYes, restaurant like the "Chicken Hooka" where you just jack in and chow down.
"Come on down to the Chicken Hooka, where every meal is piped straight from the kitchen, just like Mom used to pipe it!"