Flavor: Diet Mountain Dew (DMD) has an extremely sweet first flavor, but it rings a little hollow, like you didn't quite earn it. It's sort of like losing a game of coed softball, but then being rewarded the victory on a technicality because the other team had too many girls. A thicker soda like Mello Yello gives you the sense you've really worked for it. This is probably because DMD has no calories. DMD achieves this by using aspartame instead of sugar. Aspartame has been shown to cause cancer in lab rats; it has also been shown to cause yumminess in my mouth. [Update: I am not aware of any actual evidence that aspartame causes cancer. In fact, there are a huge number of studies showing otherwise, and that aspartame is completely healthy as an artificial sweetener. But since that undermines the premise of the joke, I left it in.]
Purity: DMD loses some points by having concentrated orange juice as the second ingredient behind carbonated water. If I wanted orange juice, I'd drink orange juice. I want my sodas to be chock full of "partially hydrogenated" things and "benzoates" and other complicated compounds that sound like unholy laboratory concoctions. DMD does have a low level of "brominated vegetable oil," allowing it to earn some points back. I'm not sure what "brominated" means, but if I had to guess I would say it means something close to "made awesome."
Other: By having no calories and no sugar, DMD benefits in two ways. First, the risk to your teeth is decreased, because they are not being attacked by both sugar and acids (I assume there is still a full-scale assault by acids). Second, the calorie free allows you to drink it in massive quantities without getting fat, although you will have to get up from your desk every 8 minutes to pee. Also, if you are a rat you will get cancer.
Conclusion: In conclusion, I give Diet Mountain Dew two hollow thumbs up. DMD is unfortunately not available in the Constitutional Cokeocracy that is our campus, but absence makes the heart grow fonder, and it also makes the head grow painful from caffeine withdrawal.
[Update: Thanks to the help of some of the U's top scientists, I have corrected the chemistry errors in this post.]
Posted by mill1991 at May 2, 2005 2:39 PM
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"Brominated" means that they added bromine (the element) to the vegetable oil. Yum, bromine!
Posted by: Jenny at May 2, 2005 4:39 PMI think you should add a link that allows your loyal followers to email your entries to others...
Posted by: skibum at May 2, 2005 9:14 PMTo follow Jenny's trend of correcting your science,
The artificial sweetener aspartame (trade name Nutrasweet, chemical name N-L-α-Aspartyl-L-phenylalanine 1-methyl ester) is a dipeptide consisting of the amino acids phenylalanine and aspartic acid (hence the name). Like other polypeptides, it's actually more energy-rich than sugars. But this one happens to be immensely more sweet than sugars, which cancels out the effect by far.
"Phenylketonurics" are people who suffer from phenylketonuria, which is an inherited roadblock in the phenylalanine-to-tyrosine pathway - phenylalanine, such as they might absorb from aspartame, builds up in their systems instead of being converted to other wonderful things. Phenylketonurics smell funny. I sure hope my diet colas don't contain any of them. Since you say they cause cancer in rats (unlike aspartame, as far as I know, except according to certain urban legends), maybe we should gently but firmly ask them to stop.
Maybe in a similar series you should compare diet colas with the real thing. Try Diet Pepsi vs. Pepsi One. What difference does that single extra calorie make?
Posted by: Epistaxis at May 2, 2005 10:48 PMMiller,
When you said you were going to start writing about being a soda connoiseur, I thought you were being sarcastic. I didnt know that the outcome would be novels written by the Paula Abdul of soda critisism. Is there ever going to be a soda that you dont like? For every one its like, "ohh two thumbs up, I love this soda. Me and my robot girlfriend drink it all the time before were interface." Way to be thorough, though. Christ, I dont think the people at coke have written as much as you in advocacy of mello yello.
Also, I agree with the kid who posted right above where my post will go. You definatly need to double check your science before you just go about posting on your own internet blog. In fact, you should think about slowly transitioning your blog from humor-based to science. Based on his last post, I can tell this guy knows what is up and in no way is a huge loser.
Since we all like to correct others, (I am including myself in this group) Jenny: Bromine is not an element, but rather a lovely aromatic compound in the shape of a hexagon, written as C6H6. Anyone who's taken an undergraduate science lab knows of bromine's wonderful properties, especially its Nose stripping smell. MMMMM and now it's in my tummy.
A point of confusion that I have though, how can DMD be calorie free if it has orange juice and oil in it???
Yes... so I posted that last comment about bromine not being an element. I don't know what the hell i was on when i posted that, cause clearly bromine (Br) is an element, and I am a moron. I was talking about Benzene (C6H6) and have no idea why the two crossed in my head. Perhaps I was thinking about Phenyalanine, cause phenyl is a benzene with a methyl group on it. anyhoo, i appologize. but still, bromine in my tummy.. MMMMMM
Posted by: Becca at May 29, 2005 12:25 PMSo does this mean that you can clean your pool with all these drinks that contain bromine? And bromine isn't the only culprit: apartame in diet foods like Pepsi and NutraSweet is pretty nasty too.
"Dr. H. J. Roberts, F.A.C.P., F.C.C.P., named the "best doctor in the country" by a national medical publication, in his paper "Warning School Children at Risk": "Aspartame induced disorders in children include headache, confusion, convulsions, irritability, depression, intellectual deterioration, antisocial behavior, rashes, asthma and unstable diabetes. Addiction to aspartame products has also become a problem." Dr. Roberts authored three medical texts on aspartame toxicity, including "Aspartame Disease: An Ignored Epidemic," 1,038 pages."
-- http://www.onlinejournal.com/health/071605Martini/071605martini.html
What they're using these days to bleach flour is pretty scary too. And then there's always the effective rat and cockroach poison, flouride, in everything from toothpaste to tap water.
There are so many additives, hormones, and other chemicals these days in our foods that it's more important than ever to eat healthy.
From the same article above:
A "2002 report reveals: "In Appleton, Wisconsin, a revolution has occurred. It's taken place in the Central Alternative High School. The kids now behave. The hallways aren't frantic. Even the teachers are happy. The school used to be out of control. Kids packed weapons. Discipline problems swamped the principal's office. But not since 1997. What happened?
"In 1997 a private group called Natural Ovens began installing a healthy lunch program. Fast food burgers, fries and burritos gave way to fresh salads, meats prepared with old-fashioned recipes and whole grain bread. Fresh fruits were added to the menu. Good drinking water arrived. Vending machines were removed.
"As reported in a newsletter called Pure Facts: Grades are up, truancy is no longer a problem, arguments are rare, and teachers are able to spend their time teaching.""
---
So what's in your kitchen?
it rocks
Posted by: nicoole mcconaghy at October 3, 2005 2:48 PMDiet Mountain Dew is definitely superior, though I agree about the taste. For me I can drink an entire liter bottle in one sitting and for regular Mountain Dew, that's 440 calories. If I exercise later that day I'm pretty much just exercising off those calories :(.
So I gotta go with Diet if I am getting a mt dew. The only problem now is the aspartame. Like it or not it's safety is not 100% guaranteed: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aspartame
Posted by: CelerityFM at October 4, 2005 3:18 PM