September 01, 2005

Non-worthless bumper stickers

I thought it would be good to get some of my good ideas down on paper, or internet, as it were. Usually what happens is I have a really good idea, and then 5 years later some big company has the same idea and makes oodles of money off of it. For instance, I had the idea for music you could download over the internet in 1987. That's right, bitches, when I was 6 years old. And I had the idea for Netflix while I was in the womb. That's before DVDs were even invented, motherfucker!

So my new good idea is about bumper stickers. I'll admit that I think bumper stickers are pretty worthless. In fact, they have negative worth because they take value away from your car and also make you look like a douche. No one cares to read a 5 word summary of your opinions thats stuck for some reason on your mode of transportation. So, my idea is to have the bumper stickers reflect the opinions of the car itself, were it to be a sentient being. Here are some of my preliminary ideas. And let me know if you see some big company stealing these.

  • 10W30 Rules!!!
  • I (heart) freeways
  • If you can read this, you must be a car with robotic vision
  • That's not a rust spot, it's a... oh, that? Yeah, that's a rust spot.
  • My other driver is a supermodel
  • I don't have political views, I'm a car. Sure, you might think that a car with enough sense to create bumper stickers and the dexterity to apply them to itself would also have the ability to have well-formed political views. Alas, this sticker was created by the owner of the car in a clever ruse.
That last one is a bit long, but I figure that can go on SUVs maybe, or on the side of stretch limosuines. Posted by mill1991 at September 1, 2005 08:29 PM | TrackBack
Comments

For a shorter version of the last one, the first sentence will do. "I don't have political views; I'm a car." I actually think that one is marketable, and quite clever. Get goin on it, NOW. I'd buy one. (I probably wouldn't clutter up my car's bumper with it, though...)

Posted by: anon at September 1, 2005 10:35 PM

Tim, you are way fucking funny. There are 3 times that I laughed out loud. here they are....
1. your idea at the age of 6 to download music. I remember specifically how you really wanted that new Jordan Knight song about "Hangin Tough" but couldn't afford the NKOTB tape at shopko ....later on you caved but not before voicing your idea of downloadable music...I remember because I was 10 at the time and I recall everything from that particular year.
2. I don't have political views; I am a car....this is just simply brilliant.
3. I (heart) freeways...as opposed to blind intersections, school zones, and road construction.
I think you need to stop what you're doing now and open up a stand at a flea market. Surely people that go to those things have spaces on their car for more stickers. (or not) either way it's good to keep your options open....

Posted by: ski bum at September 3, 2005 12:05 AM

You really should try to produce the "I don't have political views, I'm a car" one. I think I'd buy one.

Posted by: Delta at September 3, 2005 02:48 PM

Additional one I thought of that isn't necessarily the car's point of view: "I hate bumper stickers and irony."

Posted by: Tim M at September 5, 2005 10:08 AM

Here is my favorite that is on 1000's of cars in GB, "Assistant Coach Green Bay Packers".

Posted by: #1 DAD at September 8, 2005 06:56 PM

I'll order one supermodel one, please.

Posted by: Kaitlin at September 13, 2005 10:57 PM

Tim,
What are Super Samp's chances with the Steelers? Is he the next Lynn Swan?
TB

Posted by: Terry Bradshaw at September 15, 2005 07:13 PM
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