Christmas shopping tips
The holiday (oops, better say Christmas - I would hate to think I'm part of the assault on Christmas) shopping season is in full swing, and most of you are probably completely confused, because I have not yet issued my annual shopping guide. And I forgot to do one at all last year, so you probably didn't even realize it was Christmas. So, with no more ado, I present, in handy list form, this year's guide:
- Buying stuff for other people is stupid. I can barely afford to buy 3 soy lattes a day, and I'm supposed to shell out my not-hard-earned money for others? Plus, people always over-interpret the presents I get for them, like that time my girlfriend flipped out when I bought her a bathroom scale, and my parents read too much into the book I got them, "Why your religion is stupid."
Anyways, now that I have scientifically proven that it is dumb to buy presents for other people, the rest of the list will be tips for shopping for things for yourself in the midst of the hordes of people who are buying things for others. You see, you already know that they're stupid (see item number one), and they're also fat (assuming the reader is in the USA), and they're also in hordes. These factors taken together mean that buying stuff for yourself during Christmas shopping season is almost as dangerous as challenging me to a jousting contest.
- Avoid electronics retailers during daytime and weekends. Electronic gadgets are hotter than ever, so stores like Best Buy and Circuit City are busier than ever. And while I appreciate their efforts to keep costs low by only having two cashiers working, it is somewhat frustrating to wait in a line for an hour to get a $9.99 CD. In between Thanksgiving and Martin Luther King, Jr. Day it is best to avoid Best Buy unless it is past 9:30 PM on a weeknight, and even then, it's safest to phone in a bomb threat ahead of time to make sure the store is clear.
- Shop on the internet - Shopping online can be a great way to avoid the hustle and bustle of "real world" shopping, plus it makes you feel like you live in the future. However, be careful - identify theft is possible whenever you enter your credit card information. To be safe, only use credit cards that you have stolen from others when you do your online shopping.
- Burn your receipts as soon as you get to the parking lot - Conventional wisdom says you should keep your receipts in case you need to take anything back. But the only thing more frustrating than dealing with other Christmas shoppers is dealing with other people taking things back in the days after Christmas. If you thought the lines to give the store money before Christmas were understaffed, just imagine how little incentive the store has to staff the lines where they give you your money back! Just burn your receipts and kiss the money goodbye. If you are unsatisfied with your product, just make up for it by stealing something from the store later.
Posted by mill1991 at December 10, 2005 4:32 PM
| TrackBack