Broken Wing

Things I don't need to hear

• "Remember when we were talking about factual matter blah and you said blah blah but I thought blah blah blah? It turns out you were right."
Look, I don't need to be told I was right. I already thought I was right, otherwise I wouldn't have said it. I don't go around knowingly holding false beliefs just for shits. And if I didn't know I wouldn't have claimed to, unlike you, jackass.
• "I'd be lying if I said <some obviously false statement>."
Yeah, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't going to kick the next person in the neck who uses that expression when talking to me. This is one of the most asinine rhetorical devices I have heard recently. You know what really pisses me off? Other people are going to get sick of this expression too, except, unlike me, they're not just going to stop using it. Rather, they're just going to start using a "more clever" version like "I wouldn't be lying if I told you <some obviously true statement>." Actually, I think I've heard that used already, so prepare yourself to hear the inevitable evolution of the expression to "I wouldn't not be untruthful if I didn't not tell you <some obviously false statement>." ARRRRGHHH!
• "We've really been blessed by <Some obviously imaginary deity>"
It really bothers me when religious people who have good fortune in life claim that the god they worship is responsible for personally blessing them. Because for every believer who has a good life, there are hundreds who don't have shit. So how fucking full of yourself do you have to be to think that you're somehow better than all those people? You're not special, you're just lucky. Deal with it.