Broken Wing

Funny sentence

Someone wrote into the Star Tribune today to complain about one of the Strib's writers calling Pat Benatar a "dubious celebrity." The letter contained this sentence:

Every young girl in the early '80s dressed or wanted to be Pat Benatar.

This sentence isn't really saying much: Every young girl either wasn't a nudist OR wanted to be Pat Benatar. So, from a literal reading, we can conclude that all nudists did want to be Pat Benatar. But we don't know anything about how many others wanted to be Benatar. If you read letters to the editor in basically any newspaper in America you will find sentences that are not quite correct, but I thought this one was above average because it combined a misaligned sentence with a topic of dubious value, and above all it was called the "letter of the day."

Unsolicited memos

Memo to the guy wearing an "Alaska" baseball cap and an "Alaska" sweatshirt: I get it, you live in Alaska. It's really not that big of a deal. I would be very impressed if it were, say, 1850. What happened, did you forget your "Alaska" armbands back in your dogsled?

Memo to Abercrombie and Fitch: Your store smells like date rape. Taking one trip through that store with an atmosphere of 50% nitrogen, 15% oxygen, and 35% "Woods" cologne leaves me smelling stronger than if I just wiped my ass with a fraternity member's polo shirt.

How to solve the warlock problem

Maybe if we don't want our children to grow up to be warlocks we shouldn't have given it a name as cool as "warlock."

Overheard

"Condoms have a 99% success rate when used carefully, and an 82% success rate when used carelessly."
"See, what does that mean, 'carelessly'? Like if you forget to run it through the dishwasher between uses?"

(For the record, I made up these numbers because I couldn't remember the actual ones)

Clothing stresses

Have you ever met someone and had a nice conversation, and then you don't see them for like 3 weeks, and you happen to be wearing the same shirt that you were wearing at your first meeting? And then like the first thing you want to say is "You know, I do own other shirts."