And now, without further ado: here is my commercial:
A meditation on the nature of the essential spirit. Catchy title, huh?
It is with great pleasure that I present to you this free book of time saving tips. I want you to have it. What? No, I do not want it back. No, no, no, I don't want any money for it, you can just have it. Huh? No, I haven't read it myself. That's the thing. In exchange for this book, I don't want anything except for you to read it. Then, everytime you want to waste 10 minutes of my life by telling me a stupid story about your family or your dogs or your favorite TV show, you must first give me one of the tips that you have read from the book, so that I can get those 10 minutes of my life back.
What? Why are you crying? I'm really doing this for you. Do you really want to be known as the person who robs precious minutes of my valuable time every day? With these tips, I can save up to an hour every day, while only losing the 10 minutes that you insist on stealing with your semi-coherent ramblings. So, on the whole, you could potentially make my life even more productive, despite my having to put up with those seemingly endless strings of words you call stories.
The title is "Must Hate Dogs". Its about a guy who has all kinds of trouble finding a mate, and hates dogs, and also about a woman whose husband died and is looking to start dating again, and she is kind of undecided about dogs. So, being pathetic lonely losers, they both start using personal ads. Except the guy puts in every ad, "Must hate dogs", because that's important to him. One time, though, that part gets cut off of his ad by a dog that is running by and chews on the truckstop singles magazine he had advertised in ("Lonely Road" is one possible title for the prop magazine) . Oh yeah, he's also a gay trucker. With the dog hating removed, his ad is very appealing, because he is very fit and does not have any STDs. So he meets like a bunch of guys because now his ad doesn't offend other gay truckers who do like dogs. And he realizes that it didn't really matter, because truckers can't have dogs with them anyways.
So, that is the basic outline of the plot. Somewhere in there, there has to be a dating montage where he goes out on a bunch of dates to truckstop bathrooms with other gay truckers, set to music like "It's Raining Men" and "YMCA". At the end of the movie, viewers will be overcome with emotion, but also puzzled about why there was a woman at the beginning. There are two reasons for her. First, it causes a twist in the plot that will leave the audience excited to see what will happen next!!?? Second, at the end, after the gay trucker plot thread seems resolved, the camera will zoom in on the woman, and you will see that her eye is an electronic device, so that she is a robot, and she is holding a sniper rifle outside the gay trucker's house. And that's the end of the movie! (There's going to be a sequel)