In high school one of our teachers gave us a list of criteria to determine if you were an alcoholic. But now, as a college student, they seem awfully harsh. Can you tell me how I can tell if I am an alcoholic?No problem, anonymous reader! Here are some example cases so that you can tell whether you are an alcoholic or someone whose life is worth living.
If you come home everyday after work to your apartment and have a six-pack,
you are an alcoholic and you need to seek help.
If you come home everyday after work to your apartment and have a six-pack with your roommates,
you are not an alcoholic, you are a social drinker.
If you drink the same inexpensive beer 4 or more days of a week, then
you are an alcoholic and you need to seek help.
If you drink a different expensive beer 4 or more days a week, then
you are not an alcoholic, you are a connoisseur and you are worthy of admiration.
If you are drinking in the street in the middle of the day, you are an alcoholic and you need to seek help.
If you are drinking in the street in the middle of the day, and are in one of New Orleans, Las Vegas, or Mexico,
you are not an alcoholic, you are a tourist, one of the driving forces of our economy.
If you woke up in the gutter with a wine bottle in your hand, wearing puke- and urine-stained clothes, and haven't showered in a week, you are an alcoholic and you need to seek help.
If you woke up in the gutter with a wine bottle in your hand, wearing puke- and urine-stained clothes, haven't showered in a week, and are currently enrolled in a four-year college or university,
you are not an alcoholic,
you are a college student, the future of our great country.
And it's really unfortunate, because I constantly find myself coming up with great band and song names. Let me throw a few at the wall for you, see what sticks.
Band names with most likely musical genre (obviously, since there's like 17 million bands, some of these names are taken, but I didn't steal them):
Now, on to the song names. A good song name should tell you what the song's about, but not give away the whole story, because it has to lure you in. One would think that adding swear words would make them cooler, but this makes it harder to get played on the radio, as the Backstreet Boys found out when they first released "I Want It That Way" by its original title, "You're Fucking-Ay Right I Want It That Way." I have categorized these by subject matter: First, party songs.