August 14, 2006

On sexism

I get really offended when someone asks me to rate a woman's attractiveness on a scale of 1-10, because once in a while I like to give out some zeros.
Posted by mill1991 at 1:59 PM

August 13, 2006

Mega Golf!

I am a huge golf fan. I would play every day if it didn't mess up my plan to have enough money to pay rent. But one thing I never understood is the idea of "mini" golf. What was the thought process that went into that brilliant moneymaking scheme? "Hey, let's take the worst part of everyone-under-60's golf game, and then make it even more difficult by adding windmills and giant mounds and taking away the opportunity to get drunk. Then we'll charge 8 bucks for the half an hour of 'entertainment' it provides! How could this plan lose?!"

My theory is that mini-golf was invented solely for the purpose of giving parents of teenagers something to point at as an alternative to drinking on weekends. Ironically, the idea that the best thing to do in your town is hit a pastel golf ball through a clown's mouth with an undersized rubber putter is enough to drive one to drink. But, of course, miniature golf is for some reason popular. I can't figure out why this is, but I've come up with an alternative that I think will be even more loved: Mega Golf.

Mega Golf takes the opposite end of the spectrum of mini golf: rather than taking the most boring club in your golf bag, the putter, we take the one club that people love to hit, the driver. There is no putting in Mega Golf, only driving. Every hole is approximately 1000 yards long, good enough for at least 4 full-powered hits for most amateur golfers. You get to tee up the ball on every single hit, so you can rear back and hit driver as hard as you can. The hole is not the size of a regular hole - instead, the entire green counts as a hole. And the alcohol! Oh mercy me, the alcohol! There is so much alcohol involved that every player has to hand in his keys at the start of the round, and must camp out overnight outside the clubhouse once play completes.

The best part is, Mega Golf courses already exist! You simply play at regular courses, where every 3 regular holes represent one Mega Golf hole. So, for example, from tee box 1, you're aiming for the green of hole number 3. This gives you six holes. If you want to play more than six, you can just play the course three times, starting at a different hole each time to get 18 different Mega Golf holes! Tell me why this wouldn't be the greatest game ever.

Posted by mill1991 at 12:06 PM