Don't get me wrong - I would be this guy if I could. I stopped trying in about third grade, when I realized that the "strong guy" path had about as much promise as soy-based bacon. So, I wisely diverted my efforts into the "smart guy" path, as well as the "guy who fakes crying to get his own way" path. Okay, sometimes I was actually crying.
Example: "It is literally 1000 degrees in the hot tub." Oh really? Well, I'm literally about to rip your arm off and beat you with it.
What is the point of going to a restaurant if you are going to order buttered noodles? That's like watching The Matrix, with commercials, on TBS when you already own the DVD. That's like going to Willy Wonka's chocolate factory and passing up a drink from the chocolate river because you just had a chocolate Slim-Fast. It's like deciding you want a pet but are content with the bacteria that digest food in your stomach. Buttered noodles is to pasta what a toothless midget is to prostitution. Ordering buttered noodles at a restaurant is like going to a Three Tenors concert and requesting "Row, row, row your boat." Even if they were to sing it in round form with three part harmony, it's still not that great. The only reason it's on the menu is so that if a guy wants to go out to eat with his retarded brother, there is something on the menu his brother can be convinced to eat.
Men who have hairstyles like Justin Guarini from season one of American Idol really annoy me. You see, before Justin came along, nobody really wore this haircut, with one exception: my friend Novo. This haircut, called the Caucafro (well, for Justin it might be a Mulafro), is not easy to pull off. Yet Novo did it with a pizzazz and flair that only he could muster.
Now, every fourth frat boy is trying to pull off a caucafro, and frankly, it looks stupid. People underestimate the amount of care that goes into this haircut, as well as the largeness of the personality required. It seems people think that wearing this hairstyle will make them cool. Unfortunately, it works the other way around. You must be the very epitome of charisma in order for it to have a chance. I can understand the confusion: seeing cool people wear the haircut, one might be tempted to think that the haircut caused the coolness, but that is simply backwards.