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Chris Samp vs. Braylon Edwards (Michigan)
Samp: Dictated the opponent's gameplan in every single game, was the focus of gimmick defenses, twice was attacked by hyenas during games.
Edwards: Surrounded by top-tier D1 talent, one of many of his team's weapons, and his numbers still pale in comparison to Samp's.
Advantage: Samp
Chris Samp vs. Everybody else
There are other receivers in the draft that are, for whatever reason, still ranked ahead of Samp. One rumor I've heard is that some scouts are afraid that Samp is too intellectual and may become bored with the mundanity of the game. This comes as a result of Samp's performance on the Wonderlic test, in which he was amused by the simplicity of the questions. With the extra time, he proceeded to fold the paper test into a computer, which then answered the questions on the test and registered a perfect score. There is a real possibility of Samp eschewing life as a professional athlete to become a chess grandmaster or Federal Reserve Chairman (Once Mr. Greenspan retires).
There is also a possibility that the lack of updates of this website have left scouts scurrying for information about Samp, who maintains a low profile in an attempt to mask his superhero alter ego. I don't know much about any of the other receivers in the draft, but the way I see it, I've already proved Samp is better than the top two receivers. What else do scouts need?]]>
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Football
What is it like being so awesome?
I guess i never really thought of that before. Having a website dedicated to me has definitely boosted my self-confidence.
You saw a lot of gimmick defenses this year. Don't you hate those?
Sometimes they're so ridiculous you don't know how to approach them. Most of the time there's a gimmick defense for a reason [Webmaster: because Samp is so awesome]. There's always a weakness to exploit in every defense and for most gimmick defenses we did a pretty good job this year.
What pro receivers, past or present, would you compare yourself to (They don't all have to be white)?
A combination of Todd Heape, Ed McCaffrey, and my idol Jeff Query.
Have you ever trash talked? What did you say?
Yes.. it was a pathetic attempt for a white boy trying to intimidate ..."I'm your worst nightmare" I don't think it worked!!!!
Who would win in a backyard game of 500 between yourself, Superman, and Jon BonJovi?
Superman. He does have the ability to fly and bend steel. Bon Jovi's ability to hit high notes could only slow down Superman.
Religion
If Jesus was a DB, what route would you try to run on
him?
Thats a good question. I think I would watch a lot of film on him to see if he would play bump coverage or cover 2. I would assume he could read my mind and that would definitely hurt my chances of beating him. Luckily Jesus would be playing for Winona State so I wouldn't have to get embarrassed during a game.
Which record do you think you will break first: Wilt Chamberlain's number or sexual partners, or Jesus's number or performed miracles?
Ummmmm yeah.. I'm just a couple behind Wilt right now. Now that my career is over its kind of been a drought for me.
Are you bigger than Jesus?
Unfortunately Winona State football hasn't commanded as big of a following as Christianity.. So NO. [Webmaster: Obviously, if you are talking delts and lats, Samp is much bigger than Jesus. I think the questions refers to popularity, though.]
Culture
If you were The Bachelor, would you go for true love or would
you just keep the slutty ones around so you could have fun while
you were on the show?
One of the main qualities I want in my wife is to be slutty. So I hope I can find true love with the slutty girls.
Did you see Gilmore Girls? I can't believe Rory's dad came back.
I'm more of a Real World Guy.. Sorry.
Who would win a handsome-off between the Baldwin boys and the Samp boys (normalized for age)?
Balwin boys - I don't think Cooper could carry the Samps to victory.
In the past, while being questioned on camera, your attitude has been compared to that of Shannon Dougherty. Will you continue this attitude toward reporters when you go pro?
As long as they don't have a history of cheating in Euchre games.
Miscellaneous
If you had to choose from one of the following legendary
jinxes, which would it be and why?
Is there a Playboy jinx???? I've already investigated the Heisman jinx because of the publicity that this website has produced.
If you could be an ice cream flavor, what would you be and why?
Fat Free, sugar Free, Strawberry Yogurt. To increase my chances of a chick licking me.
What is a normal day of eating for you?
To eat as much food as possible.
What would you have for your last meal if you had the choice (this is pre-lunch, hence the food questions)?
Lobster, a beer, cheese curds, and pez.
How does it feel to be 8 times the size of the young shoppers at abercrombie (lower-case because this store is meant for tots)?
It makes me think I'm big.
If you could play any other sport, what would it be and would you be as dominating?
Tennis.. Ask Novotny, Gagnon. or Joynt. [Webmaster: I've contacted them all, and they all say yes.]
If you could be a world-class athlete or a world-famous rock star, which would you be and why?
A rock star doesn't get as beat up and they definitely get more women.
When is the earliest time you can remember violently kicking the air out of sheer anger and rage?
Have to be in second grade when i got a toilet twister and than proceeded to pee my pants.
How many stadiums and dorms at Winona State do you think they will name after you?
Probably none but maybe i'll get a plaque in the training room.
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It was an exciting game, but Winona State fell 16-13 despite leading Grand Valley State in first downs, total yardage, and obscenities yelled by drunken students. Chris Samp's quest to win the Heisman Trophy is not done, though. Granted, now that the season is over, he can't accumulate more statistics. But Heisman voters aren't swayed only by mindless, cold statistics (even though Samp's are punch-in-the-face amazing). The man behind the statistics is just as important. So, since the games are over, the focus turns to highlighting the selflessness and humanitarianism embodied in Christopher Samp.]]>
Once again that time of year is upon us where all anybody can think about is the DII football playoffs. The field of 24 has been finalized, and everybody will be printing out their brackets, forming office pools, and skipping work to watch all the games. It is possible that you will be thinking so much about DII football that your head will turn into a football (Thanks Ian!).
The games start on November 13, with Chris Samp's third-seeded Winona State University (10-1) taking on last year's national champion, sixth-seeded Grand Valley State (8-2) in Winona. Keep your eyes open for a full preview closer to game time (or possibly after). All games are played at the home stadium of the higher seed until the championship game, which is held in Florence, Alabama (where else?) on December 11.
This is the time of year when great players separate themselves from good players, and Samp separates himself from the non-divine. Since this is Samp's third and final senior year, he will be looking to go out with a bang, and I expect nothing but top notch thrills. I don't want to spill any secrets, but he was seen this summer at Peninsula State Park (WI) practicing a play where he is the quarterback and he throws it to himself. His longest completion was like 40 yards. If you are going to be anywhere within range of Winona, MN this weekend (within a 10-hour drive, say), there is no reason not to attend the first game.]]>