So it's looking like this is going to be a class that's going to thoroughly test all of my weaknesses. The first blog assignment involved baking. This second one involves drawing. Lots of drawing. I'm starting to worry about what I'm going to have to do for the next blogs. Watchmaking? Start an urban agriculture farm? Remember to call my mom more than once a month? Let's hope not on that last one. May just have to take the 'F' there.
Getting right into the assignment for this week (and the god-awful drawings), here's the mind map I made. I decided to use just white and black for colors, as I felt those best captured the color and vibrancy of the season. Also, I only had a black pen on hand.
The three sub-themes I'm going to pull from this are hats, slippery driving, and bobsleds.
Now for the first product idea. This is a book jacket with hand warmers/fingerless gloves sewn into the bottom of the jacket. It's the perfect way to keep your hands warm without having to jam them into your pockets, and doesn't require you to keep track of a loose pair of gloves.
Target market: people who do a lot of waiting a bus stops, forgetful people, people who get locked out of their homes (but somehow have a book)
One of my least favorite things about winter is chapped lips. Whether they're your lips or the lips of that special someone, chapped lips don't scream "kissable." In fact, they scream something more like "I'm a grizzled sea captain who just returned from a month-long whale hunt in the Bering Strait."
Never forget to keep your lips moisturized again with this winter chapstick hat. Outfitted with a small chapstick holder on the chin strap part thing (not sure what that is actually called), this hat keeps your chapstick handy wherever you may find yourself this winter--whether in the arms of your partner or on the deck of a reeling 60-foot schooner in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Plus, it's easy to apply without even taking the chapstick out of the holster.
Target market: hat lovers, chapstick lovers, salty sea captains
Nothing screams ultimate bad ass like racing an avalanche down the side of a mountain. Well, with these avalanche skis, you don't have to wait for Mother Nature to bring the avalanche to you; you can bring the noise right to Her. Take an otherwise boring trip down the mountain and turn it into an action movie so thrilling it would make even Lorenzo Lamas' heart stop. Using the patented foghorn technology, you can summon the destructive forces of nature at your whim for the ultimate life-and-death chase. Are there other skiers on the slope? Sucks for them, bro. It's every man for himself out on the black diamond.
Target market: skiers, thrill seekers
You want to be a good parent right? I have bad news for you, pops. You're not until you've done everything in your power to make your daughter feel like a princess.
You bought her a pony when she was five? That helps a little bit I guess.
You dressed as a court jester last year and let her boss you around in front of your neighbor Rick at his Halloween party last year? Sorry, not there yet.
You're not a real daddy until you've turned your living room into her own personal skating rink. Well, with the At-Home Ice-Capades kit, you finally can. Simply pour the entirety of the provided product (water) over your living room floor, open all the windows, and presto. Guess who's winning daddy of the year?
Target market: real dads who are man enough to treat their daughters they way they deserve to be treated
Fido's worked hard enough. How about giving him a break for once?
Target market: Most breeds of dog (border collies need not apply--it's about time those slackers pulled their own weight)
You've heard of Kitten Mittens, right? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fP4emqw7O4) Well, now it's time for the next fad in feline fashion: the Kitten Balaclava. Add a sense of danger and mystery to Mr. Buttons' wardrobe with this beloved cat winter fashion accessory. Meee-OW!
Target market: hairless cats, self-conscious cats, cat burglars
Without fail, the saddest part of my holiday season every year is the morning of December 23rd. Cold, sad, and alone, I laboriously scrape the ice off of my car in preparation for my commute to school or work. Oh, how badly I wish I could be home that day! While my family celebrates Festivus, I am off to work, to spend my day surrounded by Festivus deniers. As I pour my first cup of coffee in the break room, I just know my family is back home opening up the Airing of Grievances without me. When I take my first morning break, I can almost hear my dad pinning my 8-year-old sister down on our faded shag carpet in our cherished morning Feats of Strength.
With that in mind, I created what might be the perfect gift for everyone in cold weather climates who is forced to be away from home for Festivus. It's a miniature verison of the traditional Festivus aluminum pole with a retractable ice scraper. Now you can clear off your windshield AND take a little piece of Festivus into work with you every December 23rd.
Target market: People with cars, people tired of the commercialism of the other major winter holidays
We can all agree that snuggies are the perfect invention. If they do have one flaw, and this is a BIG "if", it's that you can't really wear them out in public without getting that look. You know the look I'm talking about. The "has-this-guy-given-up-on-life" look. It's almost as bad as the "I-wonder-how-many-meals-in-a-row-that-guy-has-eaten-Hot-Pockets" look snuggies get from time to time. Both of them a very common for out-of-the-house snuggie wearers, and it almost makes it impossible to enjoy the comfortable, warm embrace this 21st Century man's best friend.
Worry no longer, comfort lovers. Now you can wear your snuggie out in public, but instead of usual response of people shielding their children from you, you can expect laughs, high-fives, and perhaps a few phone numbers from the opposite sex (or the gender of your choice). The "OK to Wear in Public" snuggie features a picture of a Ferrari with the tagline: "My other snuggie is a Ferrari." This priceless joke draws attention to your prodigious wealth by letting everyone know that you're actually a contributing member of society, and that you have the Ferrari to prove it. The "my other snuggie is a Ferrari" puts a jokey spin on the bold declaration just to let people know that even though you have money, you're pretty cool about it. You don't take yourself so seriously that you can't joke about it every once in a while.
Target market: Ferrari owners
One of the worst things about cobras is that they're, like, hibernating all the time. You spend all this money on a cobra and a sweet cobra habitat with like ladders and wheels for it to play on, and it just sleeps.
Well, keep that sucker feisty and his metabolism in overdrive year-round with the cobra warmer. This compact, airplane travel-friendly (undetectable by metal detectors) tube keeps your cobra warm, active, and happy in even the coldest, bleakest months of winter. Using solar panel technology to deliver the maximum WarmDraft airflows (patent pending) to your cobra's most sensitive regions, the little guy will never even know it's winter.
Target market: amateur herpetologists, members of the American Cobra Aficionados Club (ACAC), hitmen whose signature "kill" is a cobra strike
NOTE - this product is based on the assumption that cobras hibernate in the winter and they don't just die.
What's the deal with Moveable Type? I didn't know I was going to have to be a friggin' computer hacker just to tweak the background color on my blog. And why does it take hours for a posted comment to actually show up on the site? Face it, Moveable Type doesn't provide a very accessible user experience
Well, like polio and the dodo bird before it, it is time once and for all to wipe one of mankind's greatest scourges from the face of this Earth. Feast your eyes on the Movable Type Eradication Machine (MTEM). The MTEM is a heavily modified microwave. It has been customized with high-visibility glass to ensure as many people as possible can witness this historic, once-in-a-lifetime event. Just place the data storage unit containing the Moveabe Type source code into the unit, set the microwave to the "Freedom" setting, and enjoy.
Target market: every God-fearing man, woman, and child on the face of the Earth