One Missed Call
Terrible, just awful. But I knew it would be. Yet again I watched a movie I knew was going to suck and yet again I feel stupider for having watched it. It was a waste of time and film, but not money because I watched it for free.
Americans have some sick fetish with remaking Japanese horror films, and I for one am so sick of it. The Ring did very well and was a decent summer horror flick, but after that it was just this huge onslaught of more and more terrible faux-Japanese horror centered on creepy little kids, bathrooms, hospitals, and technology. Doesn't anyone else find it ridiculous to base a horror film on a ghost calling people through cell phones with messages of their own deaths? It seems like such a waste of time. And the ghost in the damn movie had absolutely no real reason to kill any of the vaguely scared co-ed hotties running around with wide-eyed far-away terror in their eyes. When I say "far-away terror," I guess what I mean is that these characters mean absolutely nothing to me. It's like watching goldfish in a bowl, floating around and blowing bubbles. Sure, it's interesting for a few minutes, but after awhile you just want them to do something so you might have some slight feeling of empathy or affection. But it never comes, because goldfish are stupid and lifeless, which is more than I can say for the actors in this movie.
Basically this movie was a lazy way to tie in Boost Mobile (the highest bidder?), the Japanese home-grown fear of new technology, and a stupid "creepy" ringtone, which I'm sure sold well after the film's release. (My cousin sadistically set another cousin's ringtone to that damn song while they watched the movie in the theater, and then texted her immediately after the movie ended. What a jerk.) And why would you want such an awful product placement anyway? "Buy our products, they kill you!"
What is with this recent fear of technology? The Ring: video tapes. One Missed Call: cell phones. Poltergeist: TVs. Cell: cell phones. I can't be bothered to think of anymore right now, but you get the idea.
Think of some new ideas! Stop stealing everything from J-Horror! Here's a novel idea: how about we think of some new, interesting, original horror! I realize that certain things always scare people and what works can be used again and again, but that doesn't mean you should do it. Whatever happened to thinking up your own ideas? Instead it's always a "reimagining," "remake," or "sequel." (Not sure why that needed quotation marks...) I challenge you, Hollywood, who will never ever read this, to think up something new, something that hasn't been done before. And don't just repackage something the Japanese already made. If you want to give me a Japanese movie, give me the original. I don't want to watch a bunch of super-white, fake-attractive bitches running around in low-cut tank tops until they get brutally murdered for no real reason besides our weird and disturbing pleasure. I can just imagine a bunch of businessmen circle jerking and thinking of new ways to make money, hissing phrases like, "Yesss, let's make a scary cell phone that plays tittering music and kills that girl from A Knight's Tale..." and "How many fake endings do you think we can fit in before people get pissed off?" and "We need more money, let's butcher a good movie and milk it like a starving cow, until its teet dries up and produces only sand."
Well you suck, Hollywood.
I honestly can't even write anymore about this movie tonight. I'm too angry and upset about the downfall of Western Civilization.
I didn't write for awhile because my boyfriend was visiting me for a week. He wouldn't let me go near a computer. He's so needy, he needs attention all the time. Plus he's the only one who reads this damn thing, so it's not like he missed anything.