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P2

To start off, this movie sucked. I knew this movie would suck. I felt within the very fiber of my being that this movie was going to suck. And yet, like some morbid magnet of death and despair, it drew me into its ridiculous logic and waste of good talent and I couldn't look away. Like a horrible car accident, I had to watch. Also, my sister got it from Netflix because she likes Wes Bentley and I am a loser who has nothing better to do on a Friday night, so I said, well why not.
That was my first mistake.
My second mistake was to continue watching.
Not only was the logic ridiculous (not one person stayed a little later and happened to come down into the parking garage? Whose cars were down there? They only have one security guard for that huge building? No one went to check on the main girl even after she made that weird weepy phone call about how she was "sick?") I could go on and on. And I will. Why is Wes Bentley even in this movie? He is much better than this, he deserves much better than this. Even my sister agreed that he didn't deserve to be in this trash. Is he that desperate? I honestly just felt bad for him the whole time. Every line sounded awkward coming from his mouth. You could actually see his thought process of just wait until you get the check... This movie for me was a tragedy, above all.
It honestly felt like it was written like this:
Writer: I have a great idea, what if that creepy kid from American Beauty kidnapped a girl in a parking garage and did crazy stuff to her for some reason? People love that kind of stuff, blood and torture and boobies! We could combine all of the best stuff from the worst genres and it will be a blockbuster!
And then when they had the basic idea, the other people involved asked:
What about the details? How does this come to happen? Can you give us some more realistic information?
And the writer said:
Oh, don't worry about that, it'll come with time. I took a screen-writing class and this is just how my process works. True genius can't just happen overnight. Believe me, this movie will be a hit! It'll be the next Saw! The next Hostel!
Then the "writer" forgot to write any details and probably thought no one would notice, because the audience would be too busy watching the main character's jugs bounce up and down in fear. In fact, the script includes instructions for the amount of bouncing in each scene, depending on how ridiculous the logic really is.

And woe unto us, the viewer, this horrendous excuse for a horror movie was spawned.

Comments

Hahaha that was awesome