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House on Haunted Hill (1959) AKA Not the Crappy Remake

First off, I love Vincent Price.  No doubt about it, the man was a genius.  Also, Bill Hader's impression of him on SNL is spot on.  I once got an audiobook of a collection of Edgar Allan Poe tales and poems just because it was read by Vincent Price.  And let me tell you, it made me piss myself with fear and awe.  Not really, that would be weird because I listened to audiobooks at work in the insurance company.  "Hey, here's your insurance policy, oh sorry I don't know what that stain is."  I don't think I want to publish this post anymore.  Oh well, it's already been typed, can't take it back now.  We've gone too far.

But he really is great.  Case in point: He's in Edward Scissorhands as the dad/creator of Edward.  Always I plus when you are the maker of Johnny Depp.  Second point of proof: He does the voiceover and creepy laugh in Thriller.  He made Thriller.  Thriller.

It's become really hard to scare me since I've seen too much horror to really be affected by it anymore.  I think The Shining broke that part of my brain.  So I was of course skeptical when my mom picked this one up in a one dollar bargain bin (the best kind of movie.)  But I really enjoyed it.  Not that it scared me, except for one part, but it was decently made, Vincent Price was a creepster, and I watched it with my sister so everything that was slightly silly was laughed at immediately.

So now I get to the part that actually scared me.  There's a scene where a woman (it's been a long time since I watched this) is leaning over to look at something.  She's by herself, the last thing you want to do in a horror movie.  In the basement.  What an idiot.  And then as she's leaning down, out of nowhere, this creepy old witch-lady is standing behind her and you don't even notice it for a little bit until suddenly she's there and you're screaming so loud that your mom stops doing the dishes and runs downstairs into the basement to see if you and your sister are still alive.  It was great.  That's the best part of horror and fear and all that.  It gives you this jolt of adrenaline.  I've never really been in a situation in real life where I was scared out of my mind, so I'm sure that's not so fun.  But in movies, I love it.  Maybe it's just the closest thing to danger where there's no possible way that you'll be injured or killed.  Well unless there's a murderer in the theater or your closet or under your bed or something.

I'll be right back.

Okay, it's all clear.  But seriously, I don't get scared anymore in real life.  Not of horror movies anyway.  They have no effect on me whatsoever.  It makes me a little sad.  Besides the "loud noise jump," I don't really react to them or have any problem with them.  People think I'm crazy for watching horror movies all the time, because most people don't like them or are scared shitless from them, but I'm not.  Back in the day, sure, but not now.  I don't know why, it makes me sad.