Temporary Diversion

Halloween has always been my favorite season because it's basically the only time of the year when my favorite movies are truly appreciated. This is my time, my chance to share what I love. Haunted houses, ghost stories, trick-or-treating, FearFest on AMC (why isn't it MonsterFest anymore?), scary movies released in theaters, costumes, pranks, the leaves falling from the trees, Bradbury's autumn people. I love it all. There's some weird feeling in the air in October. Not scary, just weird.

I know that as a holiday, Halloween is more for children than anyone else. But I urge you to make a claim for Halloween, make it your own. Spend the day watching scary movies (use some of my recommendations!), read a Stephen King novel, buy a costume, tell scary stories by a campfire (a little cold for that, but kudos if you go old-school), eat some candy at least, just get scared. Most people don't enjoy being afraid, but why not? As long as the fear is safe, with no real danger, it should be fun. Screaming your head off at a haunted house is fun because you know you are safe and it will all be over soon- you can laugh with your friends at how you sounded like such a baby. That's why I love horror films- I can be afraid, but at a distance.

I'm going as a pirate this year. I'm going to a party and I'm going trick-or-treating. I'm going to watch a ton of horror movies, like I always do. And I'm going to be scared. I hope you are too.

Happy Halloween.

Posted by Cassie at 3:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

When I explained to a coworker this summer that I didn't "get" this film and that the ending didn't make any sense, she kindly explained to me that I just didn't understand Japanese culture. That may be true, but I wouldn't use it as an excuse; the movie would have sucked either way. I've already explained that I love foreign horror; this was just a bad movie.

As a way to convey the confusion and general lack of any narrative form in this film, I will give an itemized summary of all the plot points that I remember.

1. 40-some school-girls throw themselves in front of a moving train, spraying bystanders with blood and guts (mimicked in Hostel?) Before their weird and fake-looking deaths, they all hold hands and say a little nursery-rhyme. The blood was pink.

2. Everybody starts hearing about the suicides (like in The Happening?) and start committing suicide themselves. Case in point, a bunch of high-schoolers hanging out on the roof of the school (we never got to do that) decide to joke around about forming a Suicide Club (clever, huh?) They all stand in a line like the girls at the train station and hold hands on the very edge of the roof. They all laugh until-oops!-one of them was serious. She jumps and the rest are pulled along with her. Apparently they just weren't intelligent enough to let go of each other's hands. One boy and girl were smart enough. But-oops again!-the girl is traumatized by her friends' deaths (I wonder why?) and she pushes the guy off (because he wasn't smart enough to get down off the ledge) and jumps. They were asking for it.

3. The police receive in the mail a long roll of skin from the victims, implying that the suicides were actually murders, or some ridiculous shit like that. Ooooh, spooky. Also, does the Japanese postal service regularly deliver things of that nature? Besides being just plain gross, the skin was never fully explained (if it was, please explain it to me) and just had nothing to do with anything. There was some nonsense about all the victims having a certain tattoo, but the sheer logic of the whole thing...little school girls?...I just can't even go on.

4. Someone explain the pop band to me, and the numbers they hold up, which when typed into a cell phone, spell "suicide." They all watched these little Japanese girls wearing overalls singing innuendo-laden lyrics. Then they committed suicide. A commentary on the vapid-ness of pop-stars? A warning about consumer culture? Stupidity at its finest? Who knows, and for that matter, who cares; they didn't get the message across.

5. Grossest scene: Definitely the woman slicing carrots going a little too far in her chopping, and cutting all her fingers off, eventually moving up to her wrist before the scene "cuts away" (haha).

So maybe I don't understand Japanese culture. But I'm pretty sure their culture isn't just about carrots and lost fingers. Just a bad movie, no more, no less.

Posted by Cassie at 3:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

by special guest author Kathryn, my friend from French class and the second person who reads this blog.

Cassie: So I wrote that post yesterday about good ol' Sarah Palin, and since I know nothing and care nothing about politics, Kathryn sent me a very nice message about her own views on the matter, which are very well thought-out and logical.  I have to say, she's convinced me.  Although I think gender still plays a small role in this presidential race, I know when to admit I'm wrong.  So here is Kathryn's eloquent response to my political apathy:

"I'm going to respond only because I live and breathe politics (which is a good thing, considering it's my major!). I think the main reason that people are upset with the Palin choice is because of her inability to do her job- which, of course, is to be the President in case anything were to happen to the President. She couldn't answer questions such as what newspapers she reads, what Supreme Court decisions she disagrees with, or even what the role of the VP is. Furthermore, she has consistently illustrated that she disagrees with McCain on key issues so instead of providing a united front, she's really tearing the party into two factions :the very conservative wing vs. the moderate republicans.
As a feminist myself, I actually don't consider the attention paid to Palin is really sexist; if either candidate had chosen a male like Palin, I would be just as upset (especially during these hard times). If anything, the extra attention should be a boost to perform even better: prove that we are just as tough (if not tougher!) than the male dominated industry that always has been politics.
However, I do think the media should leave Palin's family alone and should be off limits. I think if anything it shows the issues that families go through and it makes me sad about the stigma of being a teenage parent.
Finally, I would like to end on the note of the wardrobe: I think the main reason it's an issue is because they used campaign contributions to buy these articles of clothing. If any male candidate used these funds to buy suits, or hookers (Elliot Spitzer), or even a haircut, they should receive the same amount of criticism that Palin has received.
I hope we can still be friends now that I issued my own opinion to your lovely blog! :)"

So thank you for the input, and of course we can still be friends.  Also, you should start a political blog that I could read and actually understand things…

Posted by Cassie at 11:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Why, oh why did I see this movie?  Is it ironic that a film about torture could be such torture to view?  Blatantly sexist, ridiculously over-the-top, violence for violence's sake, a continuation of the travesty that this series has become.  Why did I have to go to this movie?  I'll tell you why: my cousins wanted to go to a movie.  I had to choose between the two atrocious horror movies: Saw V or High School Musical 3.  I figured I would go to the one that wouldn't haunt me at night.  The one that wouldn't cause me to wake up screaming in the middle of the night in a cold sweat.  Just the thought of Zac Efron gives me the shivers.  Watching the Wildcats singing onscreen would be like tumbling into the abyss, the hell-fires surrounding me as my vertigo causes my blood to freeze in my veins, the empty terror overcoming me.  So Saw V just wasn't scary, comparatively.

I always have to laugh when people tell me certain shitty horror movies are scary.  (Read: The Grudge).  But if anyone tells me this film was scary, I will punch them in the jaw.  I can't believe this movie was even made.  How could anyone still have dignity after attaching his or her name to this film?  I would wear a paper bag over my head.  Oh, and happy day, Saw VI is in production.  Not Saw 6 of course, Saw VI, because that makes it legitimate, like a Shakespearian production.  Roman numerals are just another way to make this film seem worthwhile.  Don't be fooled.  It's just a rehash of the same damn story that was okay and even slightly shocking/scary in the first film.  I won't go into the other films, I will take this one on its own (lack of) merit.  Plus, I've already reviewed the rest and I don't feel like spitting out my own opinions yet again about the same things over and over.

So first off, it was predictable.  People get kidnapped, "twist" at the end that I saw a mile away, maybe eight miles away.  Bad guy gets away to make the next movie.  Dr. Lawrence Gordon is mentioned for absolutely no fathomable reason.  People are stupid and don't listen to the cassette tape (will Jigsaw ever get more technologically advanced?  I'd like to see him put his little messages on people's iPods.)  Everybody dies.  There, now you don't have to see it.  I normally feel extremely bad about ruining the ending of a movie, but you know what?  Fuck it.  If you want to see it that badly, you'll waste your money either way.

Plus these little shit kids sat behind us the whole time kicking our chairs and making annoying noises.  I told on them.  I'm a grown-up now.  I would have kicked their asses, but they were about twelve, and I don't feel like going to jail.  So I did the next best thing.  They were pissed, but they shut up.  What irresponsible parents allowed those little shits to go to that movie by themselves?  They should be put into a Jigsaw trap.  Not really, they would probably just be bored to death.

But it just makes me weep for humanity that these films keep being made.  Although I guess it does give me a lot to write about… But in the end, is it really worth it?

No.

Absolutely not.

Posted by Cassie at 8:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I hesitate to post this, because (although no one reads this anyway) if someone does see it, I don't know what the reaction will be.  I'm not huge on politics, and I would consider my self a moderate or just apathetic in general.  Of course I will vote.  Absentee, represent. 

(Note: I wrote that first paragraph about three weeks ago, and am just now getting to finish it.  I have a busy life, leave me alone.)

So I voted for Obama, although I kind of feel like it was a waste of a vote since North Dakota has no real impact on politics.  Byron Dorgan is kind of cool though, I think he does stuff in Washington or something.  That just shows you how ignorant I am about politics.  Bottom line: I don't care.

I tend to think I'm typical of young voters, or maybe just voters in general.  I don't care who wins, because as my dad reminded me the other day, as the South Park guys say: the presidential race always is, always has been, and always will be a choice between a giant douche and a turd sandwich.  Words of wisdom.

But back to Sarah Palin though, the main topic at hand.  I know she isn't the best speaker, she has weird dinosaur-related beliefs, and loves guns and pitbulls with lipstick or something, but I almost feel that a lot of the shit people throw at her is based on the fact that she is a woman.  Like the whole $150,000 on clothes thing.  I know for a fact (not really, but it sounds credible enough) that this pseudo-scandal is based solely on her woman-ness.  You know the male candidates spend too much on clothing too, but no one cares because it's not relevant or stereotypical or something.  So they want to make her look good, who cares?  If they're willing to spend the money, good for them.  (Who "they" are, I don't know, but they're watching you, I guarantee it.)

And the pregnant daughter thing just kills me.  It's not her fault her daughter got pregnant, it has absolutely nothing to do with the presidential race, and it happens all the time.  Look around you, there are millions of pregnant teens.  So the Palin girl is going to have a baby, she's taking responsibility for her actions, isn't she?  And to me that would signal good parenting.  It's not like 17 year olds don't have sex.  Gasp!  What's that you say, not in America?  It's just ridiculous.  Leave little funny-name Palin out of this.

And finally, the Palin sex doll, "Nailin' Palin," and all the "she's hot" mentality.  Grow up.  She must be a strong woman to be a governor.  I'm not saying she should be VP, or that she's qualified, but let's give her a little credit at least.  I just feel embarrassed about this whole thing.  The state of feminism in this country, not great.  Not that I'm saying Palin is a feminist, because from what I've seen, she's the opposite.  But lay off.  It's just plain mean.  But I guess that's politics, we just went through a long bash-Palin period.  So hopefully now that that's over, I can go back to not caring.

Posted by Cassie at 6:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Most people I talk to now think that I'm talking about the remake with Jessica Biel.  I am not.  I would never talk about that movie.

So the original is a little dated.  And the remake has a sleek look to it.  But that does not in any way make that a good movie.  In fact, it makes it a terrible movie.  I have no supporting argument for any of this, but you don't care.  I think sometimes that people just enjoy remakes better because the colors aren't so washed out, the special effects are comparatively better, and they recognize the actors.  Hurray.  I think I already wrote about this.  I don't remember.  But I think if you're judging a film (especially in the horror genre) by these qualifications, you need to really reevaluate your life.  Maybe it's just me, but I think there's something superior about an older film in terms of fear.  That grainy, old film-style is a lot scarier than the over-saturated look that the remake has to offer.

It's been awhile since I've seen this movie, and I have to admit that the first time I saw it, I just thought it was odd, but in a good way.  I take that back, I still think that.  It's just weird. There's no explanation about where Leatherface comes from or why that family is so fucked up.  That's just the way it is.  I know I have said previously that I don't like films with no explanation, but I guess for this film, I take that back.  I'm full of contradictions.  All I know is that when Leatherface opens up the door to his little meat locker and grabs that girl outside the door, I screamed.  That was so messed up.  I don't remember a similar scene in the remake.  I do kind of remember that douche-bag guy hanging from the ceiling and his toes playing piano keys since he was hanging from a meat hook.  Not really the same.  I didn't get the same impression that the Leatherface of the remake had any connection to meat preparation.  I guess they did say he was fired from a meat-packing plant or something, but the layout of his home was confusing and silly.  The meat locker in the original is much more straightforward.  Can you imagine being hung alive from a meat hook in your back?  I don't want to imagine it, I take that back.

Maybe I'm just cynical.  But think about it, how would you feel if you put all that hard-work and effort and sweat into this original horror film, no one has seen anything like it.  And then thirty-some years later, some douche from MTV no doubt thought that the original was not good enough and a remake must be commissioned to show off the sexy hotties of the day, who will immediately be massacred (with a Texas chainsaw, I think) for the masturbatory pleasure of the viewing audience.  I would be insulted.  If you think about it, they don't remake books.  Or paintings.  Or sculptures.  (Of course there are books, art, etc influenced by previous works, but not outright remakes, the actual physical "replacement" of a previous work.)  What a weird and off-putting concept.  Poor Leatherface.  He just wants his old meat locker back.   Guaranteed these remake-sequels will continue though.  When there is money to be made, the devil and the movie studios make a deal and we are treated to the results.

Posted by Cassie at 3:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Even more so than before.

The evidence:

1. I've been spending an embarrassing amount of time on somethingawful.com.  When I was on duty on Friday, in between rounds I would go to Something Awful and just read anything I could fin.  I laughed until I cried, no exaggeration.  Just writing about it right now makes me want to go check it out.  How sad.  I'm like an old fat guy who sits on the internet all day and plays WoW.

2. I just called World of Warcraft "Wow."  Plus I'm talking about it.  Don't worry, I don't play it.  And I never ever will.

3. I played Puzzle Quest (which is as nerdy as it sounds) at Kamran's the other day for over an hour.  And then stupid Kamran had to add it to my computer.  He's fueling my nerdiness.  I think he's secretly trying to convert me to gaming.  Slowly but surely.  The fiend.  He just wants a nerdy computer girlfriend who will play video games and design websites and wear glasses.  Nice try, Kamran, but I'm on to you!  You'll never get away with it.

4. I have a blog.  And not just a blog; a blog where I spend a frighteningly significant amount of time reviewing horror movies with love and affection.  Not only is it showing the extent of my horror movie obsession, but it is viewable by the general public.  The only thing working on my side is the fact that Kamran is the only one who reads this.  (And Kathryn.  Bonjour!)

5. I made a math-related joke the other day.  I wish I could remember what it was.  No one laughed, that's probably why I banished it from my memory.

6. I'm going through withdrawal and depression because I've only recently accepted that there are no Harry Potter books yet to be released.  Except I guess The Tales of Beetle the Bard, but that doesn't really count.  (Why do I know that? My facebook ads support my nerdiness as well.)  I've read the books and seen the movies an embarrassing number of time.  I need to overcome this crippling and unsightly addiction and move on with a normal life.  Before it's too late.

7. I find the smallest, weirdest things absurdly funny.  I was talking to a friend last night on facebook and he told me had a paper due on Tuesday.  Except he didn't say "Tuesday," he said "Tuesdart."  I laughed for five minutes straight, out loud, at work.  It was so sad.  Just little things like that are hilarious to me.  I can't explain it, so I won't even try.

I don't know where this new nerdiness is going or where it will take me, but I'm fighting it.  The first step is recognition, and I've done that.  I need to try to be cooler.  Spend less time on the internet.  Who am I kidding, I'm going to fail.  (Epic fail?)  This is what I'm talking about.

Posted by Cassie at 1:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

My professor wrote in his slides today: Publish or Parish (sic).  Not perish.  Parish.  What does that mean, publish or go to church?  So it goes.

I know people aren't perfect.  But he happened to be talking about professors being fired for gross incompetence.  This is of course a small offense, but I thought it was an interesting coincidence.  I hope I don't spell anything wrong in this post, otherwise my whole point is lost.  So it goes.

At times I feel like people only want to hear their own opinions.  On politics, religion, abortion, immigration, education, all that jazz.  People are so selfish.  What is the point of a blog besides shoving my own beliefs and opinions down people's throats?  I don't try to, you can take it or leave it.  Grain of salt and whatnot.  I generally keep that rule in most of my opinions.  I don't try to convert people to my religion, I don't push my politics on others, I don't even tell people my opinions on certain things because I don't want to fight about it.  They don't want to hear my opinion, it don't change their own.  People are stubborn, that's all.  Self improvement is masturbation.  So is blogging.  So it goes.

I used to be afraid when people brought up the future.  Now I'm in college, which used to be the future.  I've hardened myself against that anxiety about what will happen to me in the future.  At least for the most part.  Nothing I can do about it now.  Now people bring up senior projects and grad school and careers and I just stare.  So what?  This is your life.  And I don't care.  It'll happen when and if it happens.  If not, there's always a plan B.  None of your business.  People just want to compare their bright and wonderful futures to your dismal, unhappy, and impossible one.  Good for you, you don't have a completely fucked up life.  It won't matter in sixty years, we're all going to the same place.  Don't worry about me, I'll achieve what I'm out to achieve.  Dreams change.  That doesn't mean I'll give mine up.  You can talk about the future all you want, but until it gets here, it's all talk.  That's why I try not to think about it.  Why make myself stressed?  I have enough of that already.  Maybe I'm just hiding from myself, and if so, I still don't care.  Funny how things work out.  So it goes.

Life is short.  As proof, watch any horror movie, and you'll know what I'm talking about.

Posted by Cassie at 2:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If I was to write a one sentence review of this film, it would be: why do filmmakers think long-haired Japanese women making weird throat noises are scary?

And I would leave it at that.

But since I favor longer reviews, I will continue.  My first point is that this film to me represents the true end of Sarah Michelle Gellar's career.  The final nail in the coffin, no pun intended.  You can argue that the Scooby Doo movies are what really did it, but I would say that those films are what brought her down hear career suicide.  But The Grudge was supposed to be her comeback.  And it didn't work.  What has she been in since?  Nothing.  And that's a shame, because I'm a huge Buffy fan.  Not that I think she's a terribly good actress of course, but it just sullies the Buffy franchise when Buffy herself has floated out to the Ocean of Obscurity. We all expected it of Xander and Spike, but Buffy?  No.  Her comeback failed, as did Sam Raimi's return to horror, but I'll get back to that in a later post.  So that's one reason why this movie is such a burden in my life.  A sign of the coming Apocalypse of modern horror, if you will.

The next reason is that any time I mention that I love horror or specifically Asian horror, this American remake comes up.  I've actually never even seen the original because I'm too scared it will be just as bad, although I've heard much better things about the original (as usual).  But when I talk about the scariest movie I've ever seen, some poor sap always brings this one into the conversation.

"Oh-em-gee, I effing love the Grudge, it's so scary, when that little boy meows like a cat!  It's not ridiculous, it's scary.  I pooped my pants in fear.  No joke, that is the best horror movie ever made ever ever in the history of forever.  Ever.  Also, I loved Ben Affleck in Pearl Harbor.  And I loved Pearl Harbor."

I just want to cry with the injustice of it all.  The way that people won't watch older movies because maybe they're in black and white or there aren't fabulous special effects or they don't star currently popular and vapid teen starlets.  What is this world coming to?  I just want people to forget this awful, awful film.  Move on with your lives, if you are scared by this movie, something is wrong with you.  I'm not really sure if it's a fear of foreign places and people or just the fact that people love stupid movies, but I know a lot of people who are scared by this film.  Thank you, America, but no, I don't want more remakes of Japanese films.  Why can't they just release the originals for our viewing pleasure?

The whole plot is just so convoluted and predictable.  Girl goes to foreign country, gets plagued by spirits or imprints or demons or some shit, finds out the ridiculous back story, final battle, girl wins, cliffhanger sort of ending setting up a more ridiculous sequel.  Ta-da!  Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, I know it's a masterpiece.  I'll be here all week.

Even all the image presented in the film are stereotypical elements of Japanese remakes.  Hair in the woman's face: The Ring.  Bathrooms and water: Silent Hill, Dark Water, The Ring.  Reliving a back story: The Eye.  Creepy Children: The Messengers, The Ring, One Missed Call, Silent Hill, I'll also add Resident Evil in there.  These elements are used over and over again in Asian horror and remakes.  Yes, sometimes they are very effective, like the element of technology so often used, which I have discussed extensively in previous posts.  I can't fathom why these things continue to be frightening or why they were in the first place.  But I just know that this movie is awful and I don't want to see this type of film again.  Switch it up, Mr. Raimi and other horror producers.  I am calling you out specifically, and I challenge you to mix it up.

Posted by Cassie at 2:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I really think the reason people become professors is just so they can sit up on a soapbox and listen to themselves talk.  When will a certain professor of mine learn that nothing he says is important or necessary?  He draws ten slides out to two hours, no lie.  He puts in little tangents and "jokes" that he must believe are relevant, but have nothing to do with the course.  This is an upper division course, all the students just finished the course concentrating on research methods.  By the title alone, I'm sure you realize that that class goes through an entire semester of research methods in detail; every boring, tedious, drawn-out detail.  Yet this professor feels the need to explain to us how to use APA method.  How to write a fucking paper.  Research methods yet again.  It makes me want to cry and become an emo.  And I don't like the emo style at all.  Do you see what this is driving me towards?

The worst thing is that he tells us every day that we're going to get out early, and we never do.  We are supposed to be working in the lab, not sitting in the darkened B.F. Skinner room talking about how to peer review.  We've been doing peer reviews since middle school.  Middle school.  I get so pissed that I want to scream when I'm in class.  It's mind-numbingly dull.  That's one thing the University needs to take care of.  Get rid of these terrible professors.  I am paying for this education, and when I get a class like this, I think, what a waste of time, money, brain cells, anger hatred, and energy.  I spend the whole two hours doodling and I couldn't care less.  I feel trapped in my own brain. 

It's like a slow torture, they are breaking our spirits so we will be their slaves in the labs.  Another thing: I'm not going into psychology research.  I want to be a therapist.  So why in hell am I required to do research for these people?  Oh, right, we're trying to be a top research University.  I feel used.

"Oh, it's good for your education, you'll have more experience, and…uh…also, we're going to suck out your soul and force you to raise our standing as a research University…Thanks!"

They are honestly just using us.  Don't get me wrong, I love the two research projects I've worked on.  But when I am forced to do this, there is no joy for me.  It's just a job.  Going to this class is like a death camp.  (Melodramatic, but only slightly so.)  Why can't they provide me with something that will actually help me with my future career?  I can't put up with this incompetence.  The fact that University doesn't give a shit about me is terrifying.  I've had numerous problems with different departments here and it honestly has taught me one thing that this University does not want me here.  I'm very sorry to feel this way, because I love it here.  I love all the classes I've taken, and I mean every single one, but the process of getting things together just isn't working here.  Departments don't work together, they have no idea what's going on, I've had people yell at me for not having things in on time even when I did, no one answers calls or e-mails or letters or drop-ins.  Departments do not work together, they have no idea what the other departments are doing.  How can I put any faith into my education when I have no faith in the University caring for me?

I wrote this during my class.  I didn't listen to a word the professor said.  Which is funny, because I will probably still get an A.

Posted by Cassie at 4:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)