April 9, 2009

I'm getting old.

I told my mom today that I think I have early-onset Alzheimer's. Not something to joke about, I realize, but damn it if I keep forgetting things that I'm supposed to remember. I forgot the word "outcome" yesterday. I forgot the word "deprived" and the word "impoverished" today. That adds to my list of about ten words I've had trouble remembering lately. It makes me feel a little stupid. And very old.

My wardrobe makes me feel a bit old at times too. I wear a lot of cardigans, because I love them. So does my 50+ year old French teacher. So does my 40+ year old psychology teacher. They are so comfortable though, I can't help it. Plus I feel like they make me look like a real psychologist when I wear them. Like I should have a clipboard and horn-rimmed glasses, and say things like, "I understand," "Continue, please," and "Studies show…"

Also, I listen to a lot of Beatles music. I sometimes reference Laugh In and The Twilight Zone. I called someone "dear" the other day. I can't work a computer. There are probably other age stereotypes that I just can't think of, and I'm being harsh on myself and old people (my grandpa sends me very formally-worded emails all the time) but I do hate when I can't think of a word.

But I'm okay with getting old. In fact, I want to get old. I want to be wrinkled, I will never dye my hair if it turns gray. I want to be a nice old grandma who gives you hard candies at church and has a tinkling little laugh. A tough old broad, like my grandma, who could kick your ass and doesn't take shit from anybody. I'll take up smoking just to be a badass, at the age of 84. I'll beat my grandkids in card games and tell them stories about the good-old days. Most of the stories will be made up, but they will be epic. I'll tell embarrassing stories about their parents/my kids, just to piss them off. And I'll swear. A lot.

When I'm old and wrinkly and gray-haired I won't regret that I've lived.

February 27, 2009

Why I Shouldn't Bring my Computer to Class

I think I need to talk myself out of taking notes on my laptop. I spend way too much time on the internet, looking at things that I don't need to look at (not porn). In fact, I am in class right now. I'm not listening at all and sometimes I block things out so thoroughly that I really have no idea what's going on for a solid thirty minutes. Here are the pros and cons of having my computer in class with me.


1. Taking notes is so much faster. I get all the information I need as quickly as I need it. I don't have to waste precious, precious paper to write out a bunch of unnecessary notes that I will inevitably throw away the second after the final. This way, I can just put my notes in the trash, quick and easy (you can't recycle on a computer, they should call it the recycling bin to increase awareness of recycling and nitpicking.)

2. I can carry my computer instead of several notebooks. It's cleaner and lighter and takes up less room. Also,


1. I spend an ungodly amount of time on: facebook, digg, and somethingawful. I become a bigger nerd every day. It's an addiction. I get to the point where when I actually have to take notes, I consider it an inconvenience and an interruption of more important work.

2. I check my email every 5.3 seconds. I never have new emails. I become depressed.

3. I spent an entire 2 hours reading wikipedia articles on Salman Rushdie and whatever links off of his entry.

4. I talk to Kamran too much and I say things that are either mean but joking("I hate you"), don't make any sense ("poooooooooop"), or just things that are boring or useless ("yeah.") He puts up with me.

5. I think people might see what I'm looking at or writing, and even though it's normal stuff, it makes me uncomfortable.

6. My computer is slow and takes forever to start up. It also takes up my whole damn desk. I need room for my pencil. I might need it.

I thought of way more cons, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to continue taking my computer to class. It's just so much more fun to read digg than listen to whatever the hell my teacher is talking about. We'll see what my test grades are to see the real answer.

December 17, 2008

Possible Cat Names, for those who are interested.

Yes, that's right.  I am making a post about what I might possibly name a cat.  I don't even like cats that much, but thinking up names for them is funny to me.  I am doing this for two reasons only:  Kamran is sleeping and I am bored (that's one whole reason), and I haven't posted anything in awhile so I'm using this as a terrible excuse for an update.  So here are the names we came up with last night:

Bongo (just sounds cool), Pippin (we also threw out Frodo and Sauron), Tits (just sounds cute for some reason), Cunegonde (main female character from Candide, I would like to name my animals after literary characters because it's more badass that way), Q or M (besides Bond, just cool names), Sir (with or without a name behind it), Chum (no explanation here), Chainsaw (Rory thought of that one for his future child, I feel bad for that kid), Pierre (or something French, then we could train it with French commands), Mario or Luigi (or Yoshi, or Peach, or Toad…), Kamran said some weird fantasy role-playing video game names but I said absolutely not, Kamran (that was my choice for a cat name), Rory (going with the "people we know" theme).  I can't think of anymore, but that's the gist of the conversation we had last night.

I favor one syllable names or names that are nouns.  They have more comedy value when applied to a small kitten.

My favorite: Tooth.  Not Teeth, or Toothes, or Fang or anything like that.  Just "Tooth."  Because that would be the greatest name ever.  For anything really.  Having a child?  Name him or her Tooth.  It's a unisex name and can be applied to any species.  A universal name, if you will.

Kamran's favorite: Pixel, Pix or Pixie for short.  I thought that was clever and cute.  Damn you, Kamran.  I don't want a cat anyway.

I just thought of one: Dreidel.  How cute would that be?  This needs to end, it's getting out of hand.

December 8, 2008

I hate finals.

I hate studying for them, I hate thinking about them, I hate discussing them, I hate scheduling them and knowing the schedule, I hate taking them, I hate worrying about them.

So I put it all off.  By watching movies or writing uninteresting blog posts.  Here's my schedule:

1. French oral test: Easy, ridiculously so.  We just have to read some stupid passage out loud, probably about Jean-Claude and Mireille going to Tours or something like that.

2. Research practicum final paper: Whatever, I've had it done for awhile, I just want to get rid of it and never think about it again.  The whole class, really.

3. Saturday: French written final.  Not easy, but not overly difficult.  I think it'll be mostly memorizing a bunch of bullshit about how to pronounce eau and eu and u and ou.  But who schedules a final test on a Saturday at 8am?  That's a poor planning issue and it needs to be dealt with.

4. Thursday: (I just realized that I skipped this one and don't want to renumber.  Also, I went from labeling in terms of tests to days instead.)  Cognitive psychology test, online.  Not hard, I get to use all my notes and my book, so I can cheat all I want.

5. Monday: Film final paper due.  Oddly, I took this class for fun, but it's turned out to be the one class that I'm a little worried about.  I already turned in my rough draft, and I really don't know what to expect for feedback.  Probably that it wasn't that great.  I just want it to be over with, so I don't have to think about it anymore.  And anyway, I hate classes where I have to basically make up interpretations that are bullshit and could be applied to anything and not even a film in particular.  But that's just me.

6. Child Psychology Final: I really enjoyed this class, but I'll still be glad when it's over.  We spend about twenty minutes each week listening to stupid questions and wondering why these people still believe that single case studies prove or disprove a hypothesis. 

That's my schedule.  I have nothing else to say.

November 17, 2008

Bucket List

I had one written up on my facebook awhile ago, but I don't know where it went or what happened to it. Go figure. Anyway, this is me trying to remember what I wrote. *This means it's been done.*

1. Go to New Orleans, experience a real Mardi Gras.

2. Go back to France, live there for some period of time.

*3. Go to a real opera.*

4. Have a family.

*5. Fall in love.*

6. Punch someone in the face.

7. Fight off zombies, successfully.

8. Write a book, get it published.

9. Go to grad school.

10. Become a psychologist.

*11. Become fluent in French.* –(I consider myself basically fluent…)

12. Go to the neighborhood where my grandma grew up, in New York.

13. Read every book on my booklist.

14. Do something good for all of womankind.

15. Eliminate the stigma attached to mental disorders.

16. Go scuba diving in a non-Lake-Sakakawea setting.

17. Tour a real haunted house.

18. Find out about my genealogy.

19. Grow something in a garden.

20. Learn to play the guitar.

21. Smash a guitar.

*22. Read to my niece.

23. Have an adventure.

24. Learn something new every day.

*25. Cook an extravagant meal.

*26. Learn to dance.

27. Skinny dip.

28. Meet Morgan Freeman.

29. Visit Abbey Road.

30. Have a sandwich-making room in my house.

31. Go hunting again with my dad.

32. Face my fears.

*33. Something secret.

34. Kiss a Frenchman on top of the Eiffel Tower.

35. Earn a trophy.

36. Visit the Caribbean. Jamaica, man.

37. Go to Italy.

38. Have a library in my future home with a bay window where I can sit and read and look out at the snow and drink hot chocolate.  Very specific, but I'll make it happen.

39. Get married in my grandmother's wedding dress.

40. Go snorkeling.

41. Knit a blanket.

42. Make a Molotov cocktail.

That's all for now. I will be adding more when I think of them.  Any suggestions are welcome, too.  I hope I don't die before I can get this list done, I hate leaving things half-finished.

October 9, 2008

Gross Incompetence

My professor wrote in his slides today: Publish or Parish (sic).  Not perish.  Parish.  What does that mean, publish or go to church?  So it goes.

I know people aren't perfect.  But he happened to be talking about professors being fired for gross incompetence.  This is of course a small offense, but I thought it was an interesting coincidence.  I hope I don't spell anything wrong in this post, otherwise my whole point is lost.  So it goes.

At times I feel like people only want to hear their own opinions.  On politics, religion, abortion, immigration, education, all that jazz.  People are so selfish.  What is the point of a blog besides shoving my own beliefs and opinions down people's throats?  I don't try to, you can take it or leave it.  Grain of salt and whatnot.  I generally keep that rule in most of my opinions.  I don't try to convert people to my religion, I don't push my politics on others, I don't even tell people my opinions on certain things because I don't want to fight about it.  They don't want to hear my opinion, it don't change their own.  People are stubborn, that's all.  Self improvement is masturbation.  So is blogging.  So it goes.

I used to be afraid when people brought up the future.  Now I'm in college, which used to be the future.  I've hardened myself against that anxiety about what will happen to me in the future.  At least for the most part.  Nothing I can do about it now.  Now people bring up senior projects and grad school and careers and I just stare.  So what?  This is your life.  And I don't care.  It'll happen when and if it happens.  If not, there's always a plan B.  None of your business.  People just want to compare their bright and wonderful futures to your dismal, unhappy, and impossible one.  Good for you, you don't have a completely fucked up life.  It won't matter in sixty years, we're all going to the same place.  Don't worry about me, I'll achieve what I'm out to achieve.  Dreams change.  That doesn't mean I'll give mine up.  You can talk about the future all you want, but until it gets here, it's all talk.  That's why I try not to think about it.  Why make myself stressed?  I have enough of that already.  Maybe I'm just hiding from myself, and if so, I still don't care.  Funny how things work out.  So it goes.

Life is short.  As proof, watch any horror movie, and you'll know what I'm talking about.

August 28, 2008

A short break

School is starting soon.  When did summer start going by so fast?  I still can't believe I'm already a junior.  I feel like I should still be in about eighth grade.  Not that I want to repeat the past few years, they just seem to have gone by way too fast.

I'll be graduating next year.  That is so weird to think about.  I remember worrying about going to college, now I have to worry about going to grad school and entering life and the real world.  I guess this happens to everyone though, this realization that it's time to grow up.  And maybe it's happening just a little late for me, since I've been on my own for almost three years now.  Soon I'll have to get a real job in my real career with my real education and buy a real house and have a real family.  How weird, they try to prepare you for your whole life, with high school and college, but then when you actually get there, you have no idea what to do.

I like being independent, but at the same time, it's nice to have someone there for you.  And now it's just me, no parents to protect me and tell me what to do.  But I'm glad.  There's no better way to grow up than to be forced into it.  That way there are no excuses, you have to just suck it up and do it.

August 14, 2008

Minor Adjustments

Quick note, I edited my posts because I got a new job and I didn’t want anyone I work with to read this and be offended.  No worries though, I just took out some swear words.  No big deal, just a heads up that I censored myself and therefore I should be shunned in the blogging community.

Just kidding, I hope my one or two readers still enjoy my posts.



July 1, 2008

Future Posts

I'm just making a small post for my own reference, so I don't forget my ideas. You don't have to read it unless you are super excited about this blog. In which case, I feel bad for you.
5. I wish Sam Raimi would go back to his roots in low-budget B-horror movies. Is that so much to ask?
7. Zombies through the ages: The Evil Dead trilogy, Night of the Living Dead, I am Legend, 28 Days Later
9. Japanese horror: Takashi Miike, Battle Royale, Ringu and The Ring
10. French Horror: Cache, Ils
11. Hostel
12. Dracula, 1931; Nosferatu, 1922
13. The Descent
14. Shaun of the Dead, hilarious horror references
15. The League of Gentlemen, blending horror into a sitcom
16. Stephen King-Cujo, Salem's Lot, The Shining, IT
18. Interview with the Vampire: Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt
19. Cabin Fever
20. The Hills Have Eyes original and remake
21. The Wicker Man original and remake
22. Werewolves: An American Werewolf in London
23. Guillermo Del Toro, Latin horror
27. Blair Witch Project
28. Things that scare you when you're a kid (Goosebumps)
29. Korean horror: The Tale of Two Sisters, Old Boy
30. Old School horror: Dracula, Frankenstein, Phantom of the Opera
31. High tech vampires: Blade and Underworld
32. Bloodz vs. Wolvez: Who makes this shit?
33. Donnie Darko
34. Fear of Strangers: Vacancy, The Hitcher
35. Buffy, movie to series
36. Fear of self: Secret Window, Shrooms, Session 9
Anyway, that's enough for now. I just thought I'd write this stuff down as a reference before I forget what I want to say.
Special thanks to my sister, Ali, for her ideas and input.