david508: April 2012 Archives

What truly guides attraction and relationship formation? Before taking this course I had an idea, but nothing to back it up. Why was I attracted to certain girls that my friends weren't? And why were they attracted to certain girls that I wasn't? Now, however, I have a much better understanding of attraction.

According to the textbook, proximity, similarity, and reciprocity are the three main principles that cause two people to feel attracted to each other. Personally, I am not in a relationship, but I can obviously see how these principles play a big role in attraction. For this post, however, I will use my friends as an example because the same principles apply. Most of my close friends here at school live close to me in the dorms, so the principle of proximity is in action here. In addition to living near each other, my friends and I have very similar personalities and/or interests (similarity). These two principles are key for friendships, but there is more that goes into relationship formation.

Physical attractiveness also plays a key role in the formation of relationships, but how big of a role? How much does proximity and similarity enhance the attractiveness of another person? And what if proximity or similarity starts the attraction between two people, and then it is later removed, e.g. not having the same class together or starting to like different things, can the relationship last? These are all good questions, and I think the answer will vary depending on the person you ask.

It is strange to think about how different my life would be had I been raised with a different parenting style or different parents altogether. It is hard to imagine because I believe my parents raised me the best they could. Of the three major parenting styles identified by Diana Baumrind--permissive, authoritarian, and authoritative--my parents mostly used a permissive style. From a young age, I was well behaved at home and in school, so it made sense for them to raise me this way. It allowed me to make my own decisions, and it was nice to know that my parents trusted me to do the right thing. Yes, I may have made some bad decisions, but I was able to learn and grow from these mistakes; mistakes I would not have had the opportunity to make had there been strict household rules, which are often associated with authoritarian parenting styles.

It may be a cliché for me to say that you need to make mistakes in order to learn, but I think it is true. By making mistakes I taught myself valuable life lessons that my parents couldn't have taught me. But while I feel that a permissive parenting style was perfect for myself, I know it is not the best for every child. Because of this, parents need to change the way they raise their child depending on the child's behavior.