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June 27, 2008

Irony: Still Dead

If a staff at The Onion tried to submit this as a fake story, they'd be reprimanded for being far too implausible:

Two United States Senators implicated in extramarital sexual activity have named themselves as co-sponsors of S. J. RES. 43, dubbed the Marriage Protection Amendment. If ratified, the bill would amend the United States Constitution to state that marriage "shall consist only of the union of a man and a woman."

Sen. Larry Craig (R-ID), who was arrested June 11, 2007 on charges of lewd conduct in a Minneapolis airport terminal, is co-sponsoring the amendment along with Sen. David Vitter (R-LA).

Craig, who entered a guilty plea to a reduced charge of disorderly conduct, was detained and charged for attempting to engage in sexual activity with a male undercover police officer. His arrest and plea became public two months later. At that time, Craig attempted to withdraw his plea and enter a new plea of not guilty. To date, his efforts have been denied by the courts.

In July of 2007, Vitter was identified as a client of a prostitution firm owned by the late Deborah Jeane Palfrey, commonly known as The DC Madam.

Hypocrisy, thy name is Republicans.

January 10, 2008

"Undecided Voters Are The Biggest Idiots On The Planet"

Okay, I lied. The previous post wasn't the last post on the primary. But looking at the election results on Kevin Drum's blog, I just can't pass this up. The title line from Family Guy just says it all about New Hampshire voters. As you all must have known by now, having this information inculcated into your heads for the past week, New Hampshire is justified in being the state with the first primary because it has a huge percentage of independent voters, and apparently that makes them more qualified to pick our candidates for the rest of us. Well looking at the exit polls, the plurality of those who wanted to leave Eye-Rack "as soon as possible" voted for Hillary Clinton of all people in the Democratic primary. And a slim majority those who want to keep troops in that sandbox voted for Obama.

Excuse my French, but what kind of backward-ass thinking is that? Not that it really matters, but those who disapprove of the war in Eye-Rack in the Republican primary favored McCain over Romney. I know the policy difference between those two in terms of Eye-Rack is whether we stay for a hundred years or a hundred and ten years, but why would people pick the person who was the godfather of the entire surge anyways?

Idiots.

October 12, 2007

Embiggening The Dialogue On SCHIP

Atrios is right. This offering by Republicans is funny, but not "ha-ha" funny.

October 5, 2007

Ann Coulter: Repeal The 19th Amendment

I'll bet she'll later say we took this out of context or it was only a joke:

Earlier this week, Ann Coulter told The New York Observer that she believes women shouldn’t have the right to vote:
If we took away women’s right to vote, we’d never have to worry about another Democrat president. It’s kind of a pipe dream, it’s a personal fantasy of mine, but I don’t think it’s going to happen. And it is a good way of making the point that women are voting so stupidly, at least single women.

It also makes the point, it is kind of embarrassing, the Democratic Party ought to be hanging its head in shame, that it has so much difficulty getting men to vote for it. I mean, you do see it’s the party of women and “We’ll pay for health care and tuition and day care — and here, what else can we give you, soccer moms??

Why does this, this, woman (boy, that took some effort) have a media platform to begin with?

August 17, 2007

Just So Many Things Wrong With This. . .

Life under the bush era, folks:

PEARLAND — Korean War veteran Nyles Reed, 75, opened an envelope last week to learn a Purple Heart had been approved for injuries he sustained as a Marine on June 22, 1952.

But there was no medal. Just a certificate and a form stating that the medal was "out of stock."

"I can imagine, of course, with what's going on in Iraq and Afghanistan, there's a big shortage," Reed said. "At least, I would imagine so."

The form letter from the Navy Personnel Command told Reed he could wait 90 days and resubmit an application, or buy his own medal.

After waiting 55 years, however, Reed decided to pay $42 for his own Purple Heart and accompanying ribbon — plus state sales taxes — at a military surplus store.

August 7, 2007

Eye-Rack's First No-Frills Airline Bans Eye-Rackees

The Bushies, cons and contractors could teach Henry James himself a thing or two about irony:

An upstart airline operating weekly flights between Baghdad and Amman, Jordan, is billing itself as the first no-frills airline to operate out of Iraq, but the company is restricting more than just food and booze on its flights.

The airline is also banning Iraqis, Indians, Pakistanis and other non-Westerners from traveling.

Expat Airways said it is only accepting U.S. and Western citizens on its flights as it tries to capitalize on the thousands of U.S. contractors traveling in and out of the Iraqi capital each month. The airline, which landed its first 42-seat Russian Antonov turboprop at Baghdad International Airport Monday, is thought to be the first to bar passengers based on nationality.

U.S. and European carriers are restricted from the practice, according to the Federal Aviation Administration. Ahmed al Musawi, a spokesman for the Iraqi Transportation Ministry, called Expat's flight restrictions ''immoral'' but said there are no federal laws in Iraq banning such actions.

July 31, 2007

Good Thing Flori-DUH Doesn't Allow Gays To Adopt Kids

Otherwise, this might very well happen:

Nine adults and teenagers were held captive, abused and starved by their adoptive Florida mother for as long as 15 years, authorities tell ABC News.

Judith Leekin, 62, allegedly duped four different New York City adoption agencies into allowing her to adopt 11 children, all of whom authorities believe she later abused. Leekin is also thought to have kept all of the state-issued funds intended for the children, spending it on her own personal expenses.

While 10 of the 11 adopted Leekin children have been found, one still remains unaccounted for. The 10th child, who was not found in the home at the time of the police investigation, is a 19-year-old male who authorities tell ABC News was found within the last day in the state of Florida.

The Port St. Lucie Police Department was led to Leekin's home after locating an abandoned 18-year-old woman who told officers that her mother, now known to be Leekin, kept all of her children tied up in various parts of her Florida home.

. . ."The home was a beautiful, well-maintained home in a very nice neighborhood," said Robert Vega, a spokesman for the Port St. Lucie Police Department. "The landscaping is probably the nicest in the entire neighborhood." After further investigation and being granted entrance by Leekin, however, authorities were shocked to find eight people being held hostage in one of the home's bedrooms.

George Bush Don't Black/Women/Disabled/Religious/Etc People

Congress today passed a bill that would reverse the Alito Court's infamous ruling on Ledbetter vs. Goodyear. Bush has threatened to veto the bill that protects against pay discrimination.

And along the mainstream media landscape, crickets are chirping.

(via Atrios)

June 30, 2007

Farfur, R.I.P

Bad news everybody, Farfur, that Mickey Mouse doppelganger dreamed up by Hamas and broadcast on their TV station in order to indoctrinate children, has met his untimely death at the hands of fictional Israeli agents:

In the final broadcast an actor said to be an Israeli agent tries to buy the land of the squeaky-voiced Mickey Mouse lookalike.

Farfur brands the Israeli a "terrorist" and is beaten to death.

"You and I are laying the foundation for a world led by Islamists. We will return the Islamic community to its former greatness, and liberate Jerusalem, God willing, liberate Iraq, God willing, and liberate all the countries of the Muslims invaded by the murderers."

If only Barney would meet a similar fate.

June 20, 2007

"Are Ya Gonna Convict Jack Bauer?"

That's the workings of the Great Legal Mind currently sitting on the Supreme Court, Antonin Scalia. Apparently, we now look to completely fictional and over-the top TV dramas that have lost audience share this season because of it's nonsensical story arcs in order to establish enduring constitutional principles:

Senior judges from North America and Europe were in the midst of a panel discussion about torture and terrorism law, when a Canadian judge's passing remark - "Thankfully, security agencies in all our countries do not subscribe to the mantra 'What would Jack Bauer do?' " - got the legal bulldog in Judge Scalia barking.

The conservative jurist stuck up for Agent Bauer, arguing that fictional or not, federal agents require latitude in times of great crisis. "Jack Bauer saved Los Angeles. ... He saved hundreds of thousands of lives," Judge Scalia said. Then, recalling Season 2, where the agent's rough interrogation tactics saved California from a terrorist nuke, the Supreme Court judge etched a line in the sand.

"Are you going to convict Jack Bauer?" Judge Scalia challenged his fellow judges. "Say that criminal law is against him? 'You have the right to a jury trial?' Is any jury going to convict Jack Bauer? I don't think so.

"So the question is really whether we believe in these absolutes. And ought we believe in these absolutes."

The other Canadian judges, in their own high-minded academic manner, told Scalia to go to hell, as they should. But why the hell is Scalia free to spout such nonsense in the first place? He and his kind can ever point to real-world situations where torture has saved people from an imminent threat, and since we are dealing with Islamic radicals, they would welcome such abuses - seeing it as the most holy martyrdom at the hands of their enemies. For the last time: torture doesn't work. The Abu Ghraib torture never helped us in Eye-Rack, torture is not helping us in Afghanistan, nor did it help in Vietnam or any other conflict. Our LACK of committing torure actually helped us defeat the Germans, whose squads would readily surrender to the Americans instead of to the Soviets whose prison camps they feared. So if Scalia thinks he's being a patriot, then he's dead wrong. He's just another man-child wanking off to cowboy movies.

I wonder how you can disbar a Supreme Court Justice?

June 2, 2007

Looks Like I Didn't Pray Hard Enough

Steve Gilliard, founder of my favorite blogs The News Blog, has sadly passed away. From the very prehistory of the Eye-Rack war to the day he was taken to the hospital, he has been my number one go-to source, whether he was on the Daily Kos or his own site, for the real story on what's going on in Eye-Rack and the difficulties that are to come. Plus it was him who introduced me to that killer macaroni and cheese recipe that I have been using ever since. Hunter S. Thompson, Anne Richards, Molly Ivins, John Galbraith, now Steve Gilliard (yes, I'm putting him among those great people) the number of great liberal minds being taken away at the time we need them most is getting really, really depressing.

My heart goes out to his family, close friends and all his fans.

June 1, 2007

Shorter Bill O'Reilly And John McCain: "Rahowa!"

Bill-O, once again, has been caught slipping over his apoplexy over the "immi-gants" and has revealed his true colors:

Bill O'Reilly: But do you understand what the New York Times wants, and the far-left want? They want to break down the white, Christian, male power structure, which you're a part, and so am I, and they want to bring in millions of foreign nationals to basically break down the structure that we have. In that regard, Pat Buchanan is right. So I say you've got to cap with a number.

John McCain: In America today we've got a very strong economy and low unemployment, so we need addition farm workers, including by the way agriculture, but there may come a time where we have an economic downturn, and we don't need so many.

[crosstalk]

O'Reilly: But in this bill, you guys have got to cap it. Because estimation is 12 million, there may be 20 [million]. You don't know, I don't know. We've got to cap it.

McCain: We do, we do. I agree with you.

Actually, he wasn't slipping, he actually believes in his crusade to protect the interests of the poor, oppressed white males. If this were the 1850's, I'll guarantee you my left eyeball that both O'Reilly and McCain would quickly change their tune concerning the immigration debates they had during that time.

You all can see it for yourself in all its glory:

May 30, 2007

Naomi Wolf: Burkhas Are Hot!

In another time when people like me aren't so irony fatigued, we might take concern and actively engage retrograde commentaries. Nowadays all we can do is just point and laugh.

May 29, 2007

Bloggerz R Teh Hot

A tiny tidbit in a New York Times profile of the popularity of teen magazines happened to catch Ezra Klein's eye:

In a finely conceived piece on "Dating Dares," the wise and forward-thinking Elisa Benson of Seventeen explains that she's "uncovered a few new guys for you to try! Among them are those old mainstays The Emo Guy ("Find him at: A dive-y dinner with his buddies, discussing the merits of My Chemical Romance."), The Club Promoter, and The Store Clerk ("Your first move: Write your name and phone number on the receipt he hands you, then slyly push it back across the counter."). But watch out, girls, because we've now got, The Blogger:
You don't agree with all his posts, but they make you think about new issues -- and whether he's as cute as his pics!

Find him at: A friend of a friend's Top 8 Your first move: Bloggers love having an audience almost as much as they like a battle of wits, so stir up some controversy by telling him when you disagree with a post.

Hidden payoff: An outspoken guy can stir up passions you never knew what you had -- and help you figure out what you really stand for.

I tend to agree with the commentators that nothing gets teen-aged girls more hot than flaming the Bush regime on a daily basis, or, in Klein's case, debating the merits of the preventative care versus health care.

But seriously, the girls need to be warned that not every blogger is as dreamy as Ezra Klein (plus last time I heard, he's already been spoken for). Just putting it out there.

April 19, 2007

And Here Comes The Thought Police

Because rational thinking after national tragedies are soooo last century:

BOULDER (AP) - A University of Colorado junior has been arrested, and suspended from school, after allegedly making comments that sounded sympathetic to the Virginia Tech gunman.

Police arrested CU-Boulder student Max Karson on suspicion of interfering with staff, faculty or students of an educational institution.

CU police Commander Brad Wiesley says Karson made comments about understanding how someone could kill 32 people - during a class Tuesday.

Students reported the comments at about 1 p.m. Wiesley says people in the class interpreted Karson's statements as threats.

Actually, it appears that this kid is not exactly your model student But does this constitute making a specific threat? No. Did he have plans to do harm against anyone? No. Does what he did constitute yelling "fire" in a crowded theater? No. So what kind of police state are we living in?