Selling Sno-Cones at the Beach

get-rich-quick

Here's a way to make a lot of money: buy some land out in the hinterlands. Get the zoning and permits for retail. Build an "outlet" mall and charge your tenants huge sums to sell the same ol' stuff they sell at their regular stores, for the same prices.

People will come. They will hear "outlet" mall and think "great prices." They will drive and buy, without quite knowing what and why they are buying. They will think they are getting great deals because it's an "outlet mall" and they will feel disappointed if they don't get at least something for their travels. They will stop and have a snack or coffee at the overpriced chain coffeebar and it will remind them (but just a little) of their favorite coffee shop in the Cities.

Where is this place? Why, Albertville, MN, of course. The name should've tipped us off. Albert, France, has the worst karma of anyplace I've ever been on this planet. (If you don't trust me, read Stephen O'Shea's book on the Western Front):

You roll into town around noontime. All the shops and restaurants are just closing. (Why would restaurants be open for lunch?!) You go to the WWI museum, which is a hugely interesting but complicated walk through tunnels that were used for supply and advance/retreat during the war. You do not have enough time to understand and enjoy the exhibits, and this ticks you off. You emerge from the tunnels at some distance from the village. You hurry back to the bus. When you arrive, few people have returned, so you seek sustenance in the village.

Your tour director, who is also your professor, follows you down the street, yelling at you to get back on the bus. You ignore him while muttering uncomplimentary remarks about him to your friend, and not troubling to keep your voice down.

Your professor confronts you in the boulangerie. You tell him you will only be a minute. It takes the owner several minutes to make your sandwiches. Your prof is really steamed. You contemplate having a meltdown in the store: everyone else has been late all week - why should it matter now?

You stalk back to the bus (with sandwiches!) with your professor ranting behind you.

Later, you apologize, and he is very gracious about it.

See? Albert - home of the original bad vibe. Albertville - home of another American ripoff.

Tomorrow: faux new urbanism in Maple Grove.

Posted by otto0114 at August 28, 2004 10:33 PM