Selling Sno-Cones at the Beach

fun at the mall

As usual, my favorite blog of all time beats me to the punch.

Earlier this week, I practically went postal in Large Midwestern-based Discount Retailer. I didn't mention it in that post, but the purpose of the expedition was to buy bras, something I do every couple of years, and anticipate with the same joy reserved for, oh, I dunno, root canals or preliminary doctoral exams. I tried on a bunch of sizes approximating my own, and they all felt wrong in different ways. Too tight here, too baggy there, too lacy, too puffy, too high-riding, too low, too whatever. Sometimes multiple iterations of the same size would be wrong, but in different and even opposite ways.

Today I resolved to try again, in that hell of outlet malls called Albertville MN. In the Bali et al store I selected a range of possible sizes and gave it a whirl in the dressing room, staring all the while at a poster that informed me that "75% of all women wear the wrong bra size."

Well, lemme tell you WHY that is, Mr./Ms. Bali/Maidenform/Hanes/Whatever Bra Executive: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A "SIZE" IN BRAS. You can try on a 36C in 3 different models and you will have three different reactions, a la Goldilocks. This one is too small; this one is too big; this one - well, sorry folks, "just right" is never an option. So this notion that if the salesclerks just MEASURE you, everything will be fine, is pure marketing BS. You may as well grab some samples from random racks, and you will get EXACTLY THE SAME RESULTS as if you carefully weed through them for your "size."

I would love to meet some of the people who design these undergarments of rapture. I think Dante reserved circle 6.5 for them.

Anyways. I bought some cheap stuff to replace my worn out cheap stuff, and some stuff for B to enjoy me wearing (SOMEONE should enjoy it), and that was that. As is the case so often when I sample the wares of the Consumerist Paradise that is America, I wondered if wouldn't just be easier in the end to create these garments myself. I mean, I know exactly what I want/need. Wouldn't it, in the end, be easier to make my own bras/pants/handbags?