November 03, 2006
An African Princess and a Magic Turtle...
That's what my daughters were this Halloween.
You may recall my angst from last year around such Halloween issues as (the outward appearance of) maternal devotion, craftiness and cleverness, and authenticity and racial pride.
Nothing quite so heavy this year. Regarding the devotion part, I have accepted that I, as a parent (especially, specifically, as a mother) will always be judged by others--including by other parents. There is currently no social role that is more judged than parenthood, in my opinion. I have decided that I can either run the gauntlet of parental fitness, or just decide to guage my success or failure by my own internal meters. And even then, to re-set the measurement every evening at about 8 p.m. Every day, thus, becomes another opportunity to excel in parenting, or at least to make the most of parenting given the day's other demands.
As for the craftiness and cleverness, this year my husband and I split the costume-making duties. He was in charge of the magic turtle and I was in charge of the African princess. And then we still helped each other out with our self-assigned tasks. And the girls are at an age this year where they could help, too. It was truly a group effort, making the final products that much more special. No matter their outward appearance. (Which I think was still mah-valous!)
Finally, the "authenticity" and racial pride aspects. Well, I still had some personal issues and sadness around my daughters not being able to have the neighborhood trick-or-treating experiences I had as a child. But maybe we can find such a neighborhood for them when we move next (whenever and wherever that may be). My being finished with my PhD program makes such an eventual move more realistic and concrete than in years past.
And we almost hit a snag in the positive racial socialization arena. This year saw a return in interest in the whole Disney princess terrorism, er, I mean franchise. Here I think I was very clever: When they said they wanted to be princesses, I nodded but then exclaimed, "I know! What about African princesses?!" Well, despite my cleverness, neither girl was too interested in that moment. In fact, one abandoned the princess theme altogether (hence the magic turtle). But then once the costume was done, my daughter who had gone along with it was thrilled. She was also thrilled at the reactions of her peers and teachers at school.
So, all in all, good outcomes all around.
