At one point over the summer when I was supposed to be making progress on my dissertation, I was making very little progress. I could not focus, I was tired, I was unmotivated. I would write myself tough-love journal entries where I would demand that I GO TO BED EARLIER! GET UP EARLIER! FOCUS! STAY ON TASK! STOP BEING SO LAZY! But nothing seemed to work, no matter how large I wrote these words of admonishment or how many underlinings I carved into the paper under them.
At one point my husband said: "You should go to a doctor."
At that point I said that I heard him, but I thought that I was OK. I said that I would try walking more, taking more breaks, taking fewer breaks, working on campus more, working from home more. Somehow I'd find a way to work my way out of my slump.
At some point a few days later I woke up feeling like I was carrying around a baby elephant on my back. No amout of harsh self-talk budged me. I got up and took care of the kids, then immediately went back to sleep on the couch. That afternoon when my husband came home he called to set up an appointment for me with a nurse practitioner himself.
At a still later point, I think the very next day, I went for my visit with my health care provider. She chided me for not coming in sooner, then proceeded to tell the assistant to print out "a whole roll" of labels for me: I would be getting every bit of lab work available. After a fairly routine visit, I dragged myself down to the lab that was preparing to close and had several jelly jars worth of blood removed from my body.
At some point later that evening I received a frantic call from the lab tech on duty. "I need to speak with Yvette Perry right away!" "This is Yvette Perry." "This is Yvette Perry?" "Yessss, it is."
At that point she then told me that she just got my lab results in and needed to talk to me about my hemoglobin levels. It was "dangerously" low (7.0 when normal for women is something like 11.0)--so low, in fact, that the tech seemed suprised that I was ambulatory. "You mean you are not fainting when you stand up?" "Nooo." "You're walking around and everything?" "Yesssss." A little annoyed at how lightly I appeared to be taking this news, she then said, "Well, this is quite serious. I do not have the NP's notes from your visit earlier this afternoon, but you may even need a blood transfusion!"
At that point I assured her that I knew this iron deficiency was related to a chronic health condition and that I was pretty sure a visit to the ER for a transfusion was not necessary. Before hanging up I promised her that I would follow up with my provider the very next morning.
At some point the following day, my nurse practitioner joked with me: "Well, you sure did get everyone around here in a tizzy last night." "Yes, apparently it is some sort of medical miracle that I am up and about." We discussed treatment options, I began taking iron supplements three times a day, and I took naps whenever I felt tired.
At that point--amazingly--my motivation improved. I began making dissertation progress again. I was still tired all the time. But with an explanation that did not include my being lazy or self-sabotaging, I actually felt better. I was able to complete the last few weeks of writing without a single harshly-worded journal entry.
At some point in your dissertating, something similar may happen to you. Many graduate students do not take good care of their bodies. Too much caffeine. Too little sleep. Depression. Isolation. Lack of exercise. Improper nutrition and irregular and missed meal times. Repetitive motion injuries. Lingering aches and sniffles and coughs and strains. Pains in the head and 'roids in the butts. No health insurance because they are dissertating and not on an RA, TA, or fellowship that includes coverage. Suffering through these and other sicknesses is not a badge of honor. Ignoring the body does not make the mind sharper. It just makes you more prone to get sick. Sometimes seriously so.
What's the point of getting a PhD if you get awarded the thing from a hospital bed? Or worse, from the grave?
Posted by perry032 at October 9, 2006 08:56 AM | TrackBackEgad! Hemoglobin wishes to you. What are other things people can do to raise their hemoglobin levels (is it all iron?)?
Posted by: Clancy at October 10, 2006 03:38 PMWhat a scary situation!!
And to your post I say - yes, yes, yes! I was pretty sick for three months last Spring/ early summer. I still don't know exactly what it was and whether it will return or not. It was some kind of irritable bowel syndrome, which might have been related to some artificially sweetened candy and gum that I was popping while dissertating. I think part of the cause was also stress. After my parents went back to Brazil and I relaxed from the dissertation work, I got immediately better.
Posted by: Lilian at October 10, 2006 10:08 PMMy body didn't fall apart until a month *after* the diss defense. That's how it's been for most people I've known: they push themselves through the diss, then their bodies give out.
Either way, it's not good.
Posted by: Professing Mama at October 13, 2006 07:09 AMLilian and Prof Mama: I think I remember reading about both your bouts of illness on your blogs. I hope you are both feeling much better.
Does anyone have any proof (even if just anecdotally) that this happens more with female than male graduate students? I'd be interested in that. I have heard from just a couple of males about grad school induced illnesses; more from men about injuries from over-exercising (e.g., trying to get in a week's worth of work-out in one hour).
Clancy, here is that website discussing iron rich foods that I mentioned: http://www.bloodbook.com/iron-foods.html
Posted by: Yvette at October 14, 2006 03:54 PMYou have always been a record breaker - but yikes! (I got hospitalized with an 8 in 1995 - same questions, how are you operating daily w/three kids?)
Let me know how you do on the iron supplements, I'm a bad patient. What I have realized is that I haven't prioritized it as I should and I need to have a better "whole health maintenance plan" for me.
Thanks for referring Dr. Corbitt for the kids!
- CONGRATULATIONS!