Happy Monday! I wonder if you can help me out with a little exercise. Imagine the following scenario:
You, an African American man, take your two young daughters out to dinner at a neighborhood Casual Dining Establishment. (You have so gracially arranged to do so on a weekly basis so that your wife can have several hours to work at the office, for which she is eternally grateful. But I digress.)The three of you settle into a booth. As you are attempting to equitably divide crayons and kids' menus/activity books, a fifty-ish White man and White woman are shown to the booth behind yours. As they pass your table, they smile at you and your daughters, and you smile in return before returning to the important task at hand. A few moments later the gentleman leans over his booth to peer into yours and says,
"May I feel your daughter's hair?"
If you were the African American man, which of the following would be your response:
(a) "Of course! Honey, stand up on the seat so this nice man can reach your hair."
(b) "Of course... May I feel your wife's breasts?"
(c) "No. And I just want to let you know that I find your request highly inappropriate, offensive and rude. My children do not exist to be the means of your desire fulfillment, curiosity seeking, or cultural education. If you are curious about African Americans' hair and hair styles, I suggest you conduct some research on the Internet, or arrange to sit in for a few hours at a Black hair salon, or talk to any of the close personal Black friends you may have. If you are asking because you like my daughter's hair, then a simple, 'Your daughter's hair is so beautiful' is both appropriate and welcome."
(d) "No, you may not."
(e) [No direct verbal response. Any number of other responses including but not limited to (i) evil looks, (ii) breaking out into a loud, dramatic rendition of "We Shall Overcome," (iii) bodily assault or homicide.]
(f) Other __________________ (Please provide answer via email or comments)
Thank you!
Posted by perry032 at December 11, 2006 08:57 AM | TrackBackI'd chose option (c), but would edit sentences 2 and 3 to this: "We are in the year 2006, not 1956." Sadly, if may be 2056 (if at all) before scenarios like this don't exist.
Posted by: Walt at December 11, 2006 11:04 AMI personally like option (b), but I agree with Walt and pick option (c).
Posted by: Laurene at December 12, 2006 10:43 AMYikes! I can't believe that! As a forty-ish white man, I must apologize for this dope.
I also love (b), but I like (d) combined with the last sentence of (c).
And you have to tell us-- what DID you do?
Posted by: Vinny at December 12, 2006 11:11 AMI would throw it back at him? In the sweetest voice and a big smile I would say, "Why do you ask?" His motivation might be purely innocent and even if it is innocently insenstve you will be forcing him to articulate, to say outloud, what he is thinking. Which either is totally innocent or will give him pause. Also, your kids are old enough to answer that question for themselves too. So if your husband thought it was fine, he could have thrown it to her.
That's a hard one to deal with. Unless your daughter's hair was beautifully braided or something that would draw attention by its visual style.
So...what did
Posted by: Mieke at December 13, 2006 10:58 AMThank you all for your comments! Not to keep you in suspense: My husband ended up just saying, "No." He reports being too surprised to say much else. The other person who was surprised was the gentleman, who seemed clearly offended at being told no.
As an update, over on FamiLee Life Blog they have continued this line of discussion in case anyone is interested: http://blog.lib.umn.edu/richlee/Thoughts/062382.html
Posted by: Yvette at December 14, 2006 04:33 PMB or bit stronger C (instead of saying no you may not I will move it up to a hell no, get your damn hands away from my kid's head)
Posted by: Martin Jackson at December 20, 2006 04:34 PM