When I was four years old, my mom and I went to the mall to go see Santa Claus. As I'm sure a lot of you can remember, going to see Santa at the mall to tell him exactly what I wanted for Christmas was one of the most exciting and memorable moments of my childhood. When my Mom and I arrived at "The North Pole", we were surprised to see that Santa was on break. I was devastated. I had been looking forward to seeing Santa all day to tell him I wanted a gameboy and now, for all I knew, I wouldn't be able to get one come Christmas time. So what did I do? I did as every other 4 year old would do...cried my eyes out! I cried and cried and through the biggest temper tantrum in the middle of the mall. My Mom had had enough of it. So what did she do? She sat me down on a bench and spanked me. Guess what happened after that? I stopped crying and behaved myself. End of story.
I remember a couple years ago when some over-reacting parents went on a public campaign to make spanking illegal. According to them, disciplining your child would psychologically disturb/scar them, leaving parents to blame for misbehaving teenagers in the future. I find this claim to be absolutely ridiculous. Parents discipline children and it has always been this way. Whether by means of spanking, lecturing, or any other means, disciplining your misbehaving child is a must when raising children. If you let your children throw huge temper tantrums and walk all over you without letting them know who is the parent and one in charge, they will continue to walk over you, cause more problems, and eventually cease to respect you as a parent and authority figure. Of course, I couldn't agree more with the prosecution of those who literally beat their children using what could basically be considered weapons (belts for example). Disciplining, however, by means of spanking is not something to be condemned or discouraged on a misbehaving child.
I remember a couple years ago when some over-reacting parents went on a public campaign to make spanking illegal. According to them, disciplining your child would psychologically disturb/scar them, leaving parents to blame for misbehaving teenagers in the future. I find this claim to be absolutely ridiculous. Parents discipline children and it has always been this way. Whether by means of spanking, lecturing, or any other means, disciplining your misbehaving child is a must when raising children. If you let your children throw huge temper tantrums and walk all over you without letting them know who is the parent and one in charge, they will continue to walk over you, cause more problems, and eventually cease to respect you as a parent and authority figure. Of course, I couldn't agree more with the prosecution of those who literally beat their children using what could basically be considered weapons (belts for example). Disciplining, however, by means of spanking is not something to be condemned or discouraged on a misbehaving child.
The reasons and responses given by advocates of child/adolescent/teenage-only corporal punishment are nearly always the same:
1) "The Bible says...."
2) Research/statements from the religious fundamentalist sector (as opposed to those who believe Jesus would never condone hitting a child).
3) They're not doing it "right". I still haven't found any general consensus on a "right" method for "spanking" kids.
4) "I was 'spanked' (or bullied in school, or raised by the state, drank the green water,etc) and I turned out OK."
5) If you don't "spank" children, they'll end up in prison/hell/with terrible manners (hitting being confused with discipline).
Children must be socialized by the important adults in their lives. We socialize our children in the context of our responsive, nurturing relationships. We use discipline. Discipline is not synonymous with punishment. To discipline is to teach. Punishment does not teach appropriate behavior. Punishment is a negative consequence to behavior. We are more effective as parents and teachers when we pay attention to the antecedents of behavior, helping children learn what is appropriate behavior. There are many ways to do this -- in the home, the school, the community. And, yes, there should be consequences to inappropriate behavior. However, physical punishment tends to be the least effective and the most misused. There are better ways. It is not an evidenced-based practice that should ever be used in the classroom. And -- there are many positive guidance techniques that can be used in both the home and school. It's time we pay more attention to this. I am a mother, grandmother, teacher, teacher educator and a certified family life educator.
It's time to RAISE OUR SKILLS AND NOT OUR HANDS! A boy laid across three seats on the bus the other day throwing a tantrum and crying. He was about 6yrs. Fortunately his mama did not hit him. I got up, stooped down to his level, and asked him if he'd like to see something out of the back window of the bus. He refused at first, and then I told him I really wanted him to see it. I asked him again if he would come and he nodded his head and came. He couldn't even speak English, but we laughed all the way, I spoke my "Spanglish," and he stopped crying as soon as he got up to look out the window with me.
All it takes is time and skill to "discipline our children. It takes absolutely NO SKILL to hit them when we can't handle them. As the adult, the key is to use one's SKILL to get into the young person's world and see what their needs are. When a parent hits, and a child stops, it's just a reflection of FEAR, not learning. So the child never really gets the lesson. They do learn that if you want something to go your way you hit somebody, though. That turns into fighting in school, domestic violence and a ton more. So I wrote "Beating Black Kids" to handle this dirty little skill-less habit of hitting children to "discipline" them. Just look up the word. The root of "discipline" means to teach...not hit. Whoever made that definition up probably oppressed a lot of people, and it seems the victims and their descendants bought it. WAKE UP PEOPLE! WE CAN AND MUST DO BETTER! http://www.beatingblackkids.com
Many people pose the question: "Why should the government interfere with how parents bring up their children? After all, isn't it a parent's right as to how they choose to raise their children?"
One of the primary roles of government is protection of the rights of citizens, and the 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution promises equal protection under the law. But, if you are familiar with history, you are aware that true equal protection has evolved gradually. Looking back, we can remember times when certain citizens did not qualify as equal.
For example, wives used to be legally assaulted and battered by their husbands. It was referred to as a family squabble not domestic violence. These assaults were considered a private matter, trivial and a subject for comedy. The law did not presume to invade the sanctuary of the home and tell married folks how to manage their disagreements.
At an earlier time, apprentices could be physically punished by their employers, sailors could be flogged, prison inmates could be whipped by guards and military recruits could be beaten by their trainers. And at an even earlier time, it was standard procedure for field bosses to whip slaves working in the cotton fields.
All that has changed. Well, almost all. In the United States, at this time, there remains only one "whippable" class of citizen: children!
Hopefully, before long, the U.S. will join the rest of the civilized world in closing the legal loophole that allows assault and battery of the young. Thirty-one countries have already done so, and others are soon to join.
In 1989, the U.N. Convention on the Rights of the Child was established to promote the legal rights of citizens under the age of 18. The only member nations not to have signed are the United States and Somalia.
What's our problem?